Open Mike By The Sea

Open Mike By The Sea

by Shelley Miller

Whelky Brooks was down in Leigh
Belting out her hits,
Will I Clam sneaked in for free,
Just to see her t***

Bon Anchovy joined him there,
They sat beside Ed Herring,
He laughed and toppled off his chair
Soon, everyone was staring.

Tuna Turner came in next,
Cod Stewart by her side,
He said "I'll send my wife a text"
So Tuna sat and cried.

They bumped into the great Skate Bush,
She looked just like a star.
She said "it's impolite to push,
Who do you think you are?"

She grabbed her coat and said "I'm off,
This joint is run of the mill"
Someone said "she's had enough,
She's running up that hill"

Catfish Stevens said "let's dance"
And jumped up on the stage,
But Whelky shouted, "not a chance!"
And locked him in a cage.

Barry Whitebait found the key
And promptly let him out,
"Well done!" said Count Sea Bassie,
"That's what I'm talking about."

The night was young and Eely Dan
Asked Whelky for the Mike,
She said "I'm singing, Mister Man,
And you can take a hike!"

Pikel Jackson shook his head
And screamed "I'm going to thrill-er,
Ice- creams are on me," he said
"Chocolate or vanilla?

Squid Vicious starting jumping,
He was feeling wild and free.
Nancy said "I'll thump him,
If he makes a fool of me."


Nat King Sole said "come on Nanc,
Don't be such a prawn,
I'm all alone, let's fancy pants
Until the break of dawn."

Bob Marley and the Whalers
Said, "the world's a concrete jungle"
They legged it from their jailers,
Zippy, George and Bungle.

Everybody joined the fun
But no one got on stage,
They tried but Whelky drew her gun
And flew into a rage.

Robert Crayfish had a go,
He said "Whelky's just a thug,"
Codley said to Creme "I know,
Let's call in young Hake Bugg."

Bugg arrived and grabbed the Mike
But Whelky beat him down,
She shouted "Bugg, get on your bike
And cycle out of town!"

Eelton John turned up just then
And offered her a can,
He said "I'm only here 'till ten
'cause I'm the rocket Man."

When Whelky finished drinking
She fainted on the spot,
Everyone was thinking
It must be 'cause she's hot.

Will I Clam was not amused
"that drink was spiked, I bet!"
Then Whelky said "my ego's bruised
But the diva's not dead yet!"

Copyright Shelley Miller