STATUS QUO

STATUS QUO 

By Rosemary Clarke

EXT: Day. A Churchyard.

NIGEL a man in his thirties sits atop a lawnmower in a churchyard. ELDERLY MAN in a cap toddles over leaning on his stick.

E.M. "You can't do that."
NIGEL (takes off earphones)"Why not?"
E.M. " The vicar likes his grass a certain way."
NIGEL " I'm doing it a certain way, up and down and round the graves with a small mower."
E.M. "That bits, not the same; vicar won't like it."
NIGEL "What!"
E.M. "It's not level."
NIGEL "Well I think it is!"
E.M. "Don't look level to me; you need glasses."
NIGEL (tapping his spectacles) "In case you haven't noticed.."
E.M."Vicar won't like it."
NIGEL "Look, will you just let me get on with my work?"
E.M. "Only offering you my advice; used to be a landscape gardener."
NIGEL (to himself) Shame you're not under the landscape... "Yes, I'm sure you were now, just go away!"
E.M. "No need to be like that I'm a parishioner."
NIGEL (under breath) I know what you are...
E.M. "And all I'm saying is..."
NIGEL "I know the vicar won't like it! I'll cut the whole of it wrong if you don't shut up!"
E.M. "That's what's wrong with the youth of today..no manners."
NIGEL "Look, I'm sorry.  I didn't ask you to come here and have a go at me; I just want to get on with my work."
E.M."My dad used to be a landscape gardener; runs in the family..."
NIGEL(to himself) So does insanity.."Yes, and I'm sure you all did a brilliant job, now let me get on with mine!"
E.M. (standing in front of mower) "Yes, my whole family have been gardeners; could teach that Alan Richmarsh a thing or two."
NIGEL "Look I'm being paid for this, I want my money, I want to finish and I want to go home so go away and annoy someone else!"
E.M. "That's the trouble with the youth of today; don't know how to have a decent conversation..."
E.M toddles off muttering to himself. "When I was a lad we would talk to each other over the gate.. ah, those were the days..."
NIGEL flops over mower his head in his hands.

Copyright  Rosemary Clarke