Lost and Found

Lost and Found

By Jane Scoggins

Most people have heard of the long-running stage play The Mouse Trap. It has been running for over 60 years I think. It has never really appealed to me, but my Mum loved it when Dad took her as a Birthday treat 20 years ago. She still talks about it, and how it made them laugh. Dad has been gone some time now. 4 years in fact. He had a heart attack. He was a good Dad and a loving husband. Mum, a woman with a positive outlook on life has been brave about her loss and likes to reminisce about the good things that she and Dad had together during their 48 years of marriage. Hence the recent reminiscing about The Mouse Trap. It was triggered by a discussion about another family favourite, the board game of the same name. Mum bought it years ago as a family present She said it would be a game that we could all play, a game that is suitable for all ages and most of all because it is fun.

  'All families need to play games. Families that play together, stay together' is what Mum often said. I have long since stopped reminding her that the saying is 'Families that pray together, stay together'. As she is not a churchgoer and I suspect not a regular at praying either it is wasted on her.

Anyway the thing about the Mousetrap game is that not long ago on a wet Sunday afternoon when I and the children were round at Mum's, we decided to get the game out. Unfortunately at some point we somehow lost the all important marble that is crucial to playing the game and although we hunted for it we couldn't find it, and we had to put the game away minus the marble.  It was getting late and we needed to get home for the children to get their school bags ready for the morning before bedtime, and for me to iron my blouse and skirt for work.

  A week or so later I got a phone call from Mum.

   'Oh Julie, I think I may have been burgled' she said in despair.

    ' What?' was my initial response.

    'Are you OK?'

     'Yes love, but I can't find the tin with my emergency money and I can't find Dad's signet ring or my engagement ring'

    'Has there been anyone in the house recently other than family or neighbours? She hesitated, 'I don’t think so.'

  ' I am just leaving work so I will come round straight away.'

   Mum was still a bit upset when I arrived but a cup of tea settled her nerves.

   There was no evidence of an intruder or anything disturbed. I started to look in the hiding places that Mum usually kept her engagement ring, Dad's signet ring and the tin that she kept her emergency cash in. To my relief I soon found them. Mum was so relieved she had a few tears.

  'I am so sorry love, for getting myself in a panic. I can't understand why I couldn't find them,' she said bewildered and cross with herself at the same time.

  'How stupid of me. I hope I 'm not losing my marbles?'

  I reassured Mum it was nothing, and that I was always forgetting where I had put things. She was sceptical, so I continued 'I regularly run up the stairs to get something and by the time I am standing in the bedroom I have forgotten what I came upstairs for.'

  We laughed, but both she and I knew that what happened to her today could be the start of increased memory loss, and neither of us wanted to think of what that may lead to. Her dear old friend and neighbour with dementia had been taken into care last year after having been found wandering in the dark in her nightclothes on more than one occasion, searching for relatives long since dead, or asking strangers for directions to places many miles away that held childhood memories.

  After that, I found myself being more conscious of checking that Mum was OK. She didn’t seem to be entirely herself and I was worried that she had been affected by the worry of losing her memory.

I visited more often over the next couple of weeks and noticed a number of things that were out of character in Mum's behaviour. Sometimes she was surprised to see me even though I had told her less than an hour previously that I was on my way. I noticed that she wasn't always as tidily dressed as usual or the washing up had not been done. She seemed a bit vague and tired. Even though she said she was fine I worried. Even though I had reminded her it was my son's, her grandsons Birthday, she completely forgot, and not even the card she had for him sitting on the sideboard, had prompted her.

 I sat her down and told her I was worried about her health. She agreed she didn’t feel too good but was not aware of having any memory loss or not looking after herself properly.

 'It will pass' she said.

   'None of us is getting any younger, it's inevitable. But what I don't want is to be a burden to you and Frank and the children. But there again, I don’t want to end up in a home not knowing what day of the week it is, or what I had for breakfast. I have been worrying about losing my memory and not being able to cope here at home. When I think of what happened to Margaret next door'

  Her voice trailed off.

 But I am not at that stage yet' she said rather over brightly.

 It took a bit of persuading to let me make an appointment with the Dr. but she agreed she did have some problems with her waterworks and didn't want to add incontinence to her list of things she didn't want to happen to her.

  'Especially as I do sometimes have to get to the toilet quickly' she laughed.

   I drove Mum to the surgery for the appointment and sat in the waiting room whilst she first saw the Dr. and then the nurse. The appointment took longer than expected, but eventually Mum came out accompanied by the nurse, smiling, and explained the delay.

 'I had to have lots of tests' Mum said.

  'And she came out with top marks' said the nurse.  'Apparently, I have an infection in my waterworks, and that is what has been causing all the problems. So I am not losing my marbles after all!'

  'Absolutely not.' said the nurse. A urine infection can often cause confusion and memory loss, particularly in an older person. A course of antibiotics, rest, and plenty of water will soon put you right.'

    It was a relief to us all, that there was an explanation.

 Knowing the diagnosis was nothing to worry about long term, Mum was more receptive to me giving her a helping hand for a few days whilst she rested. I did her shopping and a bit of housework. Whilst moving the armchair cushions, my hand came across the marble from the Mousetrap game. I held it up in triumph to Mum and we gave a little cheer, both recognising the significance.

  So...Marbles temporarily lost, and now found. Game on Grandma.

Copyright Jane Scoggins