PRIVATE ENTERPRISE
by Richard Banks
Dibbs
sits down on his hind legs on the pavement next to Benny and peers eagerly at
the steady flow of people coming from the direction of the station. This he
senses will be a good day. After a long winter and an insipid Spring, the first
warm day of the year has finally arrived.
The punters are in a good mood, glad to
be out, to feel the sunshine on their arms and faces, and although not quite
Summer bare shoulders and legs are also to be seen. In the winter they scurry
from stall to stall buying what they need before returning to the warm comfort
of their homes. Today they are at their ease, unhurried, ready to browse and be
generous. The main beneficiaries of their largess will be the market traders
there gathered, but those whose only utility is in triggering the altruism of
others are also hopeful of turning a profit. In this respect, they have a rival
in an elderly lady rattling a tin for the Red Cross. Benny mutters aggressively
at her and Dibbs joins in, baring his teeth and barking like he’s about to go
for her throat. After holding her ground for a few seconds and finding no one coming
to her aid she withdraws several shop fronts to Marks & Sparks.
Benny isn’t the first con man Diggs has
worked with and he’s far from the best but having smeared his face with cement
he looks ready for the graveyard. Who
can resist him, especially when the nutrition of his doggie friend seems more
important to him than his own well-being? To illustrate the point Harry who
works in the burger bar at the back of where they sit will come out with a bog-standard burger and give it to Benny who despite his unhealthy appearance
insists on feeding most of it to Diggs. In return, the dog makes huge, soulful
eyes at Benny full of pathos and unconditional love which Benny in his
uninspired way tries to reciprocate. Time this right when people are looking
their way the result is likely to be a deluge of coins and the odd fiver or
two. Happy days!
At half-past eleven they give it a go.
Cindy buys the burger and on slipping Harry a few quid he makes a big show of bringing it out and
handing it to Benny who pretends to be pathetically grateful.
“Don’t you worry, mate,” bellows Harry
in a voice that can be heard on the other side of the square? “I’m not going to
walk by and let you starve. Ex-army are you?”
Benny nods his head in acknowledgement
of his never-was past.
“Thought so, can always tell. One day a
hero and the next you’re on the scrap heap. What sort of people are we that
don’t look after our own.” He strides back to the burger bar shaking his head
at the shortcomings of his fellow countrymen. He’s really rather good, and few
can resist this sudden and unexpected assault on their conscience. Coins are
flying from every direction and if Benny and Dibbs don’t keep their eyes tight
shut they’re likely to be going legit next week for the white stick brigade.
Cindy passes by and smirks. She
provides the wheels that gets them to the big events. She’s also the brains of
their little enterprise and sets-up the stunts that draw attention to them.
Right now she’s off to buy a new dress, she’s off clubbing tonight. At half one
she’s back and we do the whole burger thing again. This isn’t just a good day,
it’s the best ever. Everyone’s happy except some clod on the far side of the
square who passes out, and falls face down on the pavement. Cindy goes over to
take a look. An ambulance comes and goes. She returns, via several stalls, and
Benny asks her what’s up?
“Nothing much,” she says, “just that Bosnian woman selling the Big Issue. As thin as a rake, gawd knows when she last had a square meal. It’s her own fault, of course, doesn’t know how to work a crowd, no props, no patter, nothing, not even a mangy dog. No idea at all. Bloody immigrant!”
Copyright Richard Banks
A cynical but amusing story. Beats 'double glazing', 'roof insulation', 'batteries for solar panels', etc, etc...
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised Richard that you didn't mention the I Phone 10 he had secreted within his deliberately torn jacket. Very amusing but how do you separate the wheat from the chaff?
ReplyDelete