Hooked
By Janet Baldey
The sun was beating a tattoo right in the middle of Jack’s
bald patch and reluctantly he shifted into the sparse shade of a young oak. He closed his eyes, savouring the silence. What a relief to be away from the constant
nagging of his wife - what had she called him this morning? A
useless slug - that was it. A warm
breeze blew a waft of elderflower towards him and he relaxed. This was the life! Even
better, it was a Sunday which meant no-bullying boss, obviously sharing his
wife’s convictions, and no cocky workmates such as bloody Harry, forever
bragging about his house, car, kids – you name it. Luckily, Harry was on
holiday (shark fishing in
His mind drifted serenely until it reached a familiar road-block that not even the peace of the countryside could shift. He wondered if his wife realised he’d sussed her shenanigans with Bill next door. He’d first suspected it when she started tarting herself up just to mow the lawn. To be honest, he didn’t really care. Idly he wondered if there was some way he could turn the situation to his advantage. There probably was, but an excess of sun had made his brain muzzy. Anyway, she’d be bound to make a fuss and Jack decided it wasn’t worth the bother. Plus, there was Joyce, Bill’s wife. Jack liked Joyce and wouldn’t want to upset her.
He settled himself more comfortably and closed his eyes again. Suddenly, there was a tug on his line. Not just a little one either, quite a big tug. A bite? Couldn’t be - line must have got caught in something. He got up to investigate and as he did, something reared up in front of him - something enormous, something green, something with scales that glittered as they caught the eye of the sun. For the first time in his life, Jack felt real terror as he stared at the fish-like creature looming over him. Particularly, he noticed its great gaping mouth that opened as it caught sight of him. It was pure instinct that made Jack grab his rod, he heaved on it and obligingly the fish drew nearer. Realising his mistake, Jack turned and tried to flee but his feet caught in the line and he fell. Immediately, the fish gulped and swallowed Jack whole, along with his rod and line. Round and round Jack plunged headfirst, spinning down the fish’s slimy gullet until at last, he landed with a squelch into what he imagined was its stomach.
He stood up and rubbed his head. ‘This is
a turn up’ he thought. The cavernous
space was dimly lit by an opalescent pink glow and as Jack’s eyes adjusted they
started to roam. Plastic straws,
plastic cups, plastic carrier bags, its stomach was littered with the stuff and
just as Jack was beginning to feel sorry for the fish, he saw something that totally
astonished him. A half-digested jacket
was caught in the folds of mucosa and it was a jacket that Jack recognised,
even though it was mostly covered in slime.
There was the faux leather along with the epaulettes and club badges
that Harry was always boasting about. After astonishment, Jack’s next feeling was
one of outrage. The liar! He’d said he was going to
Dazed, he lay sprawled on the bank and watched as the fish disappeared back into the oily depths. It seemed there were advantages in being a slug, even fishes couldn’t stomach him. He watched as the listless water settled. Surely, it hadn’t been a dream. He hadn’t fallen asleep, he was certain of it. He tried to get up and failed. Looking down, he saw that a gelatinous mess covered his shoes, anchoring him to the ground. After an hour of scraping himself clean, Jack was certain - it had been no dream.
As he trudged homewards, Jack wondered if there were some way he could persuade his wife to visit the pond. Perhaps it would be better to speak to Bill and, during the conversation, casually mention that it was her favourite place. He perked up, that might work but then there was still the problem of his boss…..
Copyright
Janet Baldey
Another heart felt sentiment? You just about described my wife in the first paragraph. Where is this pond? Well done...
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