The Darker Half Chapter 13
By Janet
Baldey
CHAPTER 13
“Mum, are you sure Dad’s all right?”Anna wiped
away the condensation clouding her view and peered out of the kitchen window.
Her
mother tutted. “Mind what yer
doing. Now there’s soap all down the
winder.”
She
raised her arm to swipe at the window with her dishrag and Anna saw the
circular patch of sweat staining her jumper and the tired lines crisscrossing
her face. She felt a twinge of conscience. When had her mother started to look
so old? And why hadn’t she noticed it
before? She knew why but pushed the
thought away, as she pushed away all other thoughts of Alec. Gently, she took
hold of her mother’s shoulders and steered her away from the sink.
“Mum.
Why don’t you go and sit down? I’ll
finish the washing up and bring you a cup of tea in a minute.”
Her
mother grunted but didn’t argue and Anna poured away the old water, slimy with
grease, and watched as freshwater steamed into the bowl. That done, she looked
out of the window again; her father was still sitting on the garden bench but
now his face was clenched, He doubled
over, arms laced around his middle and she knew that if she had been outside,
she would have heard him groan. Quickly she turned off the tap and ran outside.
“Dad,
are you OK?” Her father raised his head
and the greyness of his skin frightened her.
“Sure
love, I’m fine. Just a bit of indigestion. It’ll be gone in a minute.”.
He
didn’t look fine. Anything but and she felt a sick feeling in the pit of her
stomach as she sat down beside him, both watching in silence as the rays of the
failing sun burnished the treetops. Despite her nagging worry, Anna gradually
felt peace stealing over her; they hadn’t been alone together like this for a
long time. Her hand crept towards his and she squeezed. As she did, the years
melted away and she felt as close to him as she had as a child. She leaned her
head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, not wanting to reveal their film
of tears. She didn’t visit enough, and guilt suffocated her. Her father had hated it when she’d left but
she’d gone anyway. She’d had to. The drip, drip, drip of Alec’s poisonous
behaviour had worn her down until she couldn’t stand the ratmosphere any
longer. Even now, she had to force herself through the front door, not knowing
whether he was going to be there and whether she could bear the sight of his
face.
Suddenly the harsh sound of a
blackbird’s alarm call startled her, and she opened her eyes. She was just in
time to see it swoop over the lawn and although it was gone in an instant, it
was enough to shatter her abstraction. Brought back to the moment, she
shivered, realising the clouds had engulfed the sun and the warmth had gone out
of the air. Gently, she let go of her
father’s hand.
“Come
on, Dad. Let’s go in. It’s getting
cold.” “Bugger Alec”, she thought. “From now on I’ll visit Dad every week”.
She took his arm and they
walked slowly towards the house. He was so thin, she realised feeling his bones
beneath her hand, birdlike and stooped as well. Almost like a stork.
“Are you eating, Dad?”
He smiled. “Haven’t got much of an appetite, love. Price of getting old, I suppose.”
But was as it just old
age? She asked herself.
Anna ached to have a
quiet word alone with her mother but instead was forced to sit in the lounge
and listen to her talk whilst her father silently sipped his tea. Very soon,
her mother’s monologue veered towards its favourite subject, as Anna knew it
would. It appeared that since she’d had left home, Alec had morphed into the
perfect son.
“Got himself a good job,
pays well and e’s smartened himself up no end.
Looks proper handsome. You wouldn’t recognise him.” She shot a look at Anna. A look mixed with bitterness and triumph.
“Yeah. I always knew he’d turn out good. Since you’ve been gone, ‘e’s come out
of his shell.”
Anna couldn’t help
herself. Although she’d vowed not to ask, think or talk about Alec ever again,
curiosity got the better of her. She looked over at her father and saw a shred
of vitality in his eyes. He winked at
her and his lips curled into a slight one-sided smile. A feeling of warmth floated through her. She
hadn’t been mistaken, it was like the old times; she and her dad humouring the
delusions of her mum.
“So what does he do then?
What is this wonderful job he’s got?”
Her mother bristled.
“There’s no need for that sarky tone, my girl. ‘E’s doing well and ‘e hasn’t
needed a lot of fancy certificates to prove it. That’s all I need to
know.” Putting down her cup, she hoisted
herself up, looking meaningfully at the clock.
“Sorry, mum. I didn’t mean
to be sarcastic. If Alec is doing well, I’m pleased for him.” It was a lie, but a white one. She needed to
keep the peace to help her dad. Anyway, she’d got her answer, her mum hadn’t a
clue what Alec did, only that he brought in money.
She saw her father was
struggling to rise as well.
“Right now, I just need to be a gentleman,” he said.
“Please don’t leave before I get back.” She watched as he threaded himself
through the furniture in the direction of the lavatory. As soon as he’d
disappeared, she seized her chance.
“Mum, do you realise how
frail dad is? Has he seen a doctor?”
“Doctor! Don’t make me laugh girl. You know your dad.
At least you should. ‘E don’t believe in
doctors. Not been near one since I was misdiagnosed.”
“Well, I think he should.
Can’t you persuade him? You must see how ill he looks.”
“E won’t listen to me.
Never has done since the day we were married. You were the only one he’d pay
attention to. Why don’t you talk to ‘im?”
After she said goodbye,
Anna thought about what her mother had said.
She was right, Dad could be very stubborn. All the same, something
needed to be done. Next week, when she went home again, she must try to make
him see sense. It was only a week, she consoled herself, a week wouldn’t make
much difference.
Although
she didn’t live all that far away, her journey back took some time. It was complicated, she’d deliberately
designed it that way to put Alec off the scent. She knew he must be burning
with curiosity about where she lived so she’d worked out an obscure route
involving the underground, buses and trains. It was a nuisance but even when it
was dark she usually enjoyed the walk from the house to the station, along a
winding lane bordered by thick bushes deep within which she’d occasionally hear
the secretive rustle of night creatures. On clear nights, she’d watch the
flickering array of stars while, all the time, enjoying the sound of her own
footsteps knowing full well that at least for the next week, they’d be drowned
by thousands of others all pounding the same grey city streets.
Tonight,
she was enjoying nothing because, although he was physically miles away, Alec
was stalking her. She couldn’t stop thinking about what her mother had said.
That Alec had bloomed since she’d left. Surely that couldn’t be right?
Anyway,
who cared? She shrugged off all thoughts of Alec. He was the past, he didn’t
matter. But there was something that did matter, something that had to be faced
sooner or later.
She
reached the station, automatically paid for her ticket and made her way onto
the platform where she stood waiting for the train which would whisk her away
to the source of her problem. If it was a problem - it might just be a blessing
in disguise and she metaphorically crossed her fingers. Although Lucinda hadn’t
said anything to her, Anna was pretty sure she was seeing someone. She had
started to add an extra layer of glamour to her beauty; experimenting with
make-up and buying new clothes. Several evenings
recently she’d disappeared into the night without telling Anna where she was
going and although she had been evasive when questioned, it was the look in her
eyes that told all.
Anna
smiled to herself, for the past few weeks she had been wondering how to break
the news to Lucy that she and Romeo were romantically involved and now it
seemed the tables had been turned. Her
smile faded, although Lucy had been much more stable recently, she knew from
past experience that it didn’t take much to set her off and Anna prayed that
she wouldn’t get hurt.
She also
had the idea that Lucy had guessed her own secret. She’d had a speculative look
in her eyes as she watched Anna getting ready to go out the evening before.
“Hot
date?” She’d asked as Anna came down the stairs wearing a new dress.
“Not
really. A colleague from work. Won’t be late.”
Anna had checked her makeup in the hall mirror and
made her escape to where Romeo was waiting for her. As usual, he would be in the
White Hart, the restaurant where they’d had their first date and which they now
thought of as ‘theirs.’ They always chose a round table in an alcove at the
back of the room, a table at which they could both see the rest of the room but
not ‘be seen.’ Mellowed by good food and
love they would sit huddled together in a delightful conspiracy discussing the
things that had become close to their hearts – writing and the group they
belonged to. Romeo had told her that she had a gift for editing and that when
the present course ended, he’d asked for her help coping with next years’ group
of hopefuls.
As she made her way into the restaurant Anna
had never thought it possible to be so happy. When she was with Romeo she felt
complete, without him something was missing. She looked towards their table and
felt a warm glow as she saw him, bent over the menu. Immediately, he looked up, as if sensing her
presence.
“Hi,
love.” He stood up and drew out her chair. “How are you?”
“Good,”
she answered. “Have you decided what we’re going to eat tonight?”
“Food,”
he said. “I’m starving. How are things at home?”
“Okay, I
haven’t said anything to Lucy yet. In fact, I have an idea I was worrying about
nothing. ”
She
looked at him waiting for a reaction but he didn’t say anything. In fact, it
seemed that he was distracted. She waited for a few seconds and then asked.
“Is
anything wrong?”
It was
then that he’d taken her hand and held it firmly. “Anna, you know I care a lot
about you, don’t you?”
She
nodded, her heart had become to beat really fast; perhaps he was going to
propose. He looked serious and Romeo was
never serious. Their meetings were characterised by laughter. Romeo cracked her
up and his sense of humour was infectious, releasing her own sense of fun.
Together they bantered their evenings away, making the mundane hilarious.
Hesitantly, she smiled but his expression didn’t change, instead, he looked
down at the table.
“Anna,
you do know I’m married, don’t you?”
She
opened her mouth but not a sound came out, all her joy evaporated in a
sigh. She struggled to remove her hand
but he gripped it tighter, anchoring it to the table.
“It’s
not a real marriage,” for the first time he really looked at her. “Just let me
tell you what it’s like to be married to Helen.”
There
was a long pause during which Anna stared at him as if seeing him for the
first time. At last, he swallowed and continued while she sat there, part of a
nightmare, harrowed by every word as he recounted the story of his marriage.
They were both too young, he longing for an escape from his mother and
attracted by her quietness, whilst she had her own reasons. Nevertheless, happy
in fits and starts, their marriage continued for five years. Then came
disaster. Helen was mugged when coming home from a game of badminton she played
once a week. Shocked rather than seriously hurt, nevertheless, its effect was
life-changing. She refused to leave the house which became her castle and place
of safety which every single speck of dirt threatened. From morning until night
she cleaned obsessively and only allowed Romeo into the house when he had
changed into a fresh set of clothes which she kept, shrouded in plastic, by the
back door. Upon gaining entry he was required to shower and change into more
fresh clothes.
“She
keeps a plastic box on a special table and I have to put my ‘phone, wallet,
book and anything else I have on me. They mustn’t sully the surfaces. It was
only with difficulty that I managed to persuade her not to sterilise them.” He
laughed but with none of his usual humour. “We don’t live together now but I
spend the weekends with her. It’s mostly to keep up appearances – her parents
are strict Baptists and I am fond of her.
So now,
you know. I do love you, Anna, truly I do
but I can’t hurt Helen. She’s been through too much already and it’s not her
fault.”
His
voice was as flat as the table her hand was pinned to but he needn’t have
worried. All the time he’d been talking
she had been watching his face. While not missing a word he’d said she’d been
imagining a future without him. A dreary round of work and home, one day
limping after the other – no hope, no retrieve. Romeo painted her life with
colour and the thought of that colour vanishing forever, filled her with
horror. She looked at his mouth forming words she didn’t want to hear and
thought, at least he was honest and she was no home breaker. As long as she had
Romeo she could cope: it was far better than the alternative.
Romeo
had stopped talking and their table was a pool of silence amongst the gaiety of
the crowded restaurant.
Breaking
that silence, she picked up the menu. “Thank you for telling me, Romeo. Now, what
are we going to eat?”
But
although they tried hard, Romeo’s announcement had punctured their mood and the
rest of their evening was full of awkward pauses and it wasn’t until she was on
the point of falling asleep later that
night, that she realised she’d forgotten to tell him about Lucy.
As her train hurtled towards Euston, Anna
thought that perhaps it would have been better if they’d had a steaming row, at
least it would have cleared the air. As it was, they parted with a stiff kiss
and a nagging thought, on her part, that she had made it too easy for him.
Copyright Janet Baldey
Well written, seems like life, thank you for sharing it.
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