The Darker Half Chapter 13

The Darker Half Chapter 13

By Janet Baldey

CHAPTER 13

          “Mum, are you sure Dad’s all right?”Anna wiped away the condensation clouding her view and peered out of the kitchen window.

         Her mother tutted.  “Mind what yer doing.  Now there’s soap all down the winder.” 

         She raised her arm to swipe at the window with her dishrag and Anna saw the circular patch of sweat staining her jumper and the tired lines crisscrossing her face. She felt a twinge of conscience. When had her mother started to look so old?  And why hadn’t she noticed it before?  She knew why but pushed the thought away, as she pushed away all other thoughts of Alec. Gently, she took hold of her mother’s shoulders and steered her away from the sink.

         “Mum. Why don’t you go and sit down?  I’ll finish the washing up and bring you a cup of tea in a minute.”

         Her mother grunted but didn’t argue and Anna poured away the old water, slimy with grease, and watched as freshwater steamed into the bowl. That done, she looked out of the window again; her father was still sitting on the garden bench but now his face was clenched,  He doubled over, arms laced around his middle and she knew that if she had been outside, she would have heard him groan. Quickly she turned off the tap and ran outside.

         “Dad, are you OK?”  Her father raised his head and the greyness of his skin frightened her.

         “Sure love, I’m fine. Just a bit of indigestion. It’ll be gone in a minute.”.

         He didn’t look fine. Anything but and she felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she sat down beside him, both watching in silence as the rays of the failing sun burnished the treetops. Despite her nagging worry, Anna gradually felt peace stealing over her; they hadn’t been alone together like this for a long time. Her hand crept towards his and she squeezed. As she did, the years melted away and she felt as close to him as she had as a child. She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, not wanting to reveal their film of tears. She didn’t visit enough, and guilt suffocated her.  Her father had hated it when she’d left but she’d gone anyway. She’d had to. The drip, drip, drip of Alec’s poisonous behaviour had worn her down until she couldn’t stand the ratmosphere any longer. Even now, she had to force herself through the front door, not knowing whether he was going to be there and whether she could bear the sight of his face.

         Suddenly the harsh sound of a blackbird’s alarm call startled her, and she opened her eyes. She was just in time to see it swoop over the lawn and although it was gone in an instant, it was enough to shatter her abstraction. Brought back to the moment, she shivered, realising the clouds had engulfed the sun and the warmth had gone out of the air.  Gently, she let go of her father’s hand.

         “Come on, Dad.  Let’s go in. It’s getting cold.”  “Bugger Alec”, she thought.  “From now on I’ll visit Dad every week”.

She took his arm and they walked slowly towards the house. He was so thin, she realised feeling his bones beneath her hand, birdlike and stooped as well. Almost like a stork.

“Are you eating, Dad?”

He smiled.  “Haven’t got much of an appetite, love.  Price of getting old, I suppose.”

But was as it just old age?  She asked herself.

Anna ached to have a quiet word alone with her mother but instead was forced to sit in the lounge and listen to her talk whilst her father silently sipped his tea. Very soon, her mother’s monologue veered towards its favourite subject, as Anna knew it would. It appeared that since she’d had left home, Alec had morphed into the perfect son. 

“Got himself a good job, pays well and e’s smartened himself up no end.  Looks proper handsome. You wouldn’t recognise him.”  She shot a look at Anna.  A look mixed with bitterness and triumph. “Yeah. I always knew he’d turn out good. Since you’ve been gone, ‘e’s come out of his shell.”

Anna couldn’t help herself. Although she’d vowed not to ask, think or talk about Alec ever again, curiosity got the better of her. She looked over at her father and saw a shred of vitality in his eyes.  He winked at her and his lips curled into a slight one-sided smile.  A feeling of warmth floated through her. She hadn’t been mistaken, it was like the old times; she and her dad humouring the delusions of her mum.

“So what does he do then? What is this wonderful job he’s got?”

Her mother bristled. “There’s no need for that sarky tone, my girl. ‘E’s doing well and ‘e hasn’t needed a lot of fancy certificates to prove it. That’s all I need to know.”  Putting down her cup, she hoisted herself up, looking meaningfully at the clock.

“Sorry, mum. I didn’t mean to be sarcastic. If Alec is doing well, I’m pleased for him.”  It was a lie, but a white one. She needed to keep the peace to help her dad. Anyway, she’d got her answer, her mum hadn’t a clue what Alec did, only that he brought in money. 

She saw her father was struggling to rise as well.

“Right now,  I just need to be a gentleman,” he said. “Please don’t leave before I get back.” She watched as he threaded himself through the furniture in the direction of the lavatory. As soon as he’d disappeared, she seized her chance.

“Mum, do you realise how frail dad is? Has he seen a doctor?”

“Doctor!  Don’t make me laugh girl. You know your dad. At least you should.  ‘E don’t believe in doctors. Not been near one since I was misdiagnosed.”

“Well, I think he should. Can’t you persuade him? You must see how ill he looks.”

“E won’t listen to me. Never has done since the day we were married. You were the only one he’d pay attention to. Why don’t you talk to ‘im?”

After she said goodbye, Anna thought about what her mother had said.  She was right, Dad could be very stubborn. All the same, something needed to be done. Next week, when she went home again, she must try to make him see sense. It was only a week, she consoled herself, a week wouldn’t make much difference.

        

         Although she didn’t live all that far away, her journey back took some time.  It was complicated, she’d deliberately designed it that way to put Alec off the scent. She knew he must be burning with curiosity about where she lived so she’d worked out an obscure route involving the underground, buses and trains. It was a nuisance but even when it was dark she usually enjoyed the walk from the house to the station, along a winding lane bordered by thick bushes deep within which she’d occasionally hear the secretive rustle of night creatures. On clear nights, she’d watch the flickering array of stars while, all the time, enjoying the sound of her own footsteps knowing full well that at least for the next week, they’d be drowned by thousands of others all pounding the same grey city streets. 

         Tonight, she was enjoying nothing because, although he was physically miles away, Alec was stalking her. She couldn’t stop thinking about what her mother had said. That Alec had bloomed since she’d left. Surely that couldn’t be right? 

         Anyway, who cared? She shrugged off all thoughts of Alec. He was the past, he didn’t matter. But there was something that did matter, something that had to be faced sooner or later.

         She reached the station, automatically paid for her ticket and made her way onto the platform where she stood waiting for the train which would whisk her away to the source of her problem. If it was a problem - it might just be a blessing in disguise and she metaphorically crossed her fingers. Although Lucinda hadn’t said anything to her, Anna was pretty sure she was seeing someone. She had started to add an extra layer of glamour to her beauty; experimenting with make-up and buying new clothes.  Several evenings recently she’d disappeared into the night without telling Anna where she was going and although she had been evasive when questioned, it was the look in her eyes that told all.

         Anna smiled to herself, for the past few weeks she had been wondering how to break the news to Lucy that she and Romeo were romantically involved and now it seemed the tables had been turned.  Her smile faded, although Lucy had been much more stable recently, she knew from past experience that it didn’t take much to set her off and Anna prayed that she wouldn’t get hurt.

         She also had the idea that Lucy had guessed her own secret. She’d had a speculative look in her eyes as she watched Anna getting ready to go out the evening before.

         “Hot date?” She’d asked as Anna came down the stairs wearing a new dress.

         “Not really.  A colleague from work. Won’t be late.”

Anna had checked her makeup in the hall mirror and made her escape to where Romeo was waiting for her. As usual, he would be in the White Hart, the restaurant where they’d had their first date and which they now thought of as ‘theirs.’ They always chose a round table in an alcove at the back of the room, a table at which they could both see the rest of the room but not ‘be seen.’  Mellowed by good food and love they would sit huddled together in a delightful conspiracy discussing the things that had become close to their hearts – writing and the group they belonged to. Romeo had told her that she had a gift for editing and that when the present course ended, he’d asked for her help coping with next years’ group of hopefuls.

          As she made her way into the restaurant Anna had never thought it possible to be so happy. When she was with Romeo she felt complete, without him something was missing. She looked towards their table and felt a warm glow as she saw him, bent over the menu.  Immediately, he looked up, as if sensing her presence.

         “Hi, love.” He stood up and drew out her chair. “How are you?”

         “Good,” she answered. “Have you decided what we’re going to eat tonight?”

         “Food,” he said. “I’m starving. How are things at home?”

         “Okay, I haven’t said anything to Lucy yet. In fact, I have an idea I was worrying about nothing. ” 

         She looked at him waiting for a reaction but he didn’t say anything. In fact, it seemed that he was distracted. She waited for a few seconds and then asked.

         “Is anything wrong?”

         It was then that he’d taken her hand and held it firmly. “Anna, you know I care a lot about you, don’t you?”

         She nodded, her heart had become to beat really fast; perhaps he was going to propose.  He looked serious and Romeo was never serious. Their meetings were characterised by laughter. Romeo cracked her up and his sense of humour was infectious, releasing her own sense of fun. Together they bantered their evenings away, making the mundane hilarious. Hesitantly, she smiled but his expression didn’t change, instead, he looked down at the table.

         “Anna, you do know I’m married, don’t you?”

         She opened her mouth but not a sound came out, all her joy evaporated in a sigh.  She struggled to remove her hand but he gripped it tighter, anchoring it to the table.

         “It’s not a real marriage,” for the first time he really looked at her. “Just let me tell you what it’s like to be married to Helen.”

         There was a long pause during which Anna stared at him as if seeing him for the first time. At last, he swallowed and continued while she sat there, part of a nightmare, harrowed by every word as he recounted the story of his marriage. They were both too young, he longing for an escape from his mother and attracted by her quietness, whilst she had her own reasons. Nevertheless, happy in fits and starts, their marriage continued for five years. Then came disaster. Helen was mugged when coming home from a game of badminton she played once a week. Shocked rather than seriously hurt, nevertheless, its effect was life-changing. She refused to leave the house which became her castle and place of safety which every single speck of dirt threatened. From morning until night she cleaned obsessively and only allowed Romeo into the house when he had changed into a fresh set of clothes which she kept, shrouded in plastic, by the back door. Upon gaining entry he was required to shower and change into more fresh clothes.

         “She keeps a plastic box on a special table and I have to put my ‘phone, wallet, book and anything else I have on me. They mustn’t sully the surfaces. It was only with difficulty that I managed to persuade her not to sterilise them.” He laughed but with none of his usual humour. “We don’t live together now but I spend the weekends with her. It’s mostly to keep up appearances – her parents are strict Baptists and I am fond of her.

         So now, you know.  I do love you, Anna, truly I do but I can’t hurt Helen. She’s been through too much already and it’s not her fault.”

         His voice was as flat as the table her hand was pinned to but he needn’t have worried.  All the time he’d been talking she had been watching his face. While not missing a word he’d said she’d been imagining a future without him. A dreary round of work and home, one day limping after the other – no hope, no retrieve. Romeo painted her life with colour and the thought of that colour vanishing forever, filled her with horror. She looked at his mouth forming words she didn’t want to hear and thought, at least he was honest and she was no home breaker. As long as she had Romeo she could cope: it was far better than the alternative.

         Romeo had stopped talking and their table was a pool of silence amongst the gaiety of the crowded restaurant.

         Breaking that silence, she picked up the menu. “Thank you for telling me, Romeo. Now, what are we going to eat?”

         But although they tried hard, Romeo’s announcement had punctured their mood and the rest of their evening was full of awkward pauses and it wasn’t until she was on the  point of falling asleep later that night, that she realised she’d forgotten to tell him about Lucy.

          As her train hurtled towards Euston, Anna thought that perhaps it would have been better if they’d had a steaming row, at least it would have cleared the air. As it was, they parted with a stiff kiss and a nagging thought, on her part, that she had made it too easy for him.

Copyright Janet Baldey