ROBOTICS

ROBOTICS

By Peter Woodgate

It’s hard being a genius when most are normal. I mean, I can calculate the value of X given the equation, x=a+b+c – 23/100, I can evaluate the probability of Earth being struck by a meteorite larger than1kilometre as 1 in 10,000,000 and build a particle accelerator using nothing more than the parts from my mother’s old washing machine.

Impressive, I hear you say, but, and this is the real problem, I can’t remember my wife’s birthday, our anniversary, or whether or not I’ve taken the dog for a walk. This causes friction because at certain times during the year my wife refuses to talk to me for a month and, from day to day, I find the dog, either crossing his paws in agony or, lying on the floor exhausted.

No, I’m fed up of this fine line between genius and muppet. I either join the mob and live a life of mediocrity or sever the chord and march down the street naked waving a placard with the statement “I love the coalition,” that should get me locked up. Once in solitary, I would be able to concentrate on the work I know I am capable of. Of course, there is always the possibility that once locked up I will miss my wife, I’ve calculated that as 3 chances in 1,000. Missing the dog, however, is a different matter, the odds are 50 to 1 on so this does not look a good option.

I’ve changed my mind, I will go back to being an absent-minded genius and learn to concentrate on insignificant things like how many kids do I have and where do I live?

Right, now that’s settled I must get to work on building a robot.

I know that the grandchildren have discarded their DS Nintendo’s and X Box (both over 2 months old and well out of date) and I am sure I can build something that will keep me informed of all unimportant dates.

Robbie, as I shall name him, will also be programmed to take the dog for a walk, except when it’s raining, not good for the circuits you know. And, on such days, Robbie will remind me of my dog-walking duty.

I informed my wife of these wonderful plans, ostensibly to save our marriage, she, however, has come up with a plan of her own.

It appears all I need to do is to mark significant dates, her words not mine, on a calendar and put a tick on each day on returning from walking the dog.

I know what your thinking! Why didn’t I think of that. Well, I’m beginning to wonder myself.

Anyway, I’ve abandoned my plans to build a robot, I’ve decided the planets full of them already.

Copyright Peter Woodgate