MAN AGAINST THE ELEMENTS

Peter Woodgate 

One day I thought I would be clever

and get one over on the weather.

there was this trip down to the coast,

“I’ll be prepared,” they heard me boast.

the forecast told the night before,

of sunshine, clear, from shore to shore.

But I did not buy that, you see,

and Michael Fish did not fool me,

was it in nineteen eighty-seven

he spoke of gentle winds from heaven?

And when I woke there greeted me

my greenhouse perched up in a tree.

Oh no, this fickle English air

would not defeat me, I’d take care,

I’d be prepared and have my fun

be it rain or snow or sun.

I chose my clothes the night before

and laid them out upon the floor,

some woolly gloves and thermal vest,

a duffle coat, that would be best,

just in case the wind was cool

they couldn’t say I was a fool.

But underneath my jeans, I’d wear

swimming trunks so I could share

the pleasure dipping in the brine

just in case the sun did shine.

My sweatshirt too had many charms

and could be unzipped at the arms

and just to show there was no folly,

I’d take my telescopic brolly.

All was set and on the day,

the coach arrived, we roared away.

I felt conspicuous, I confess,

For all-around was naked flesh.

Tiny shorts and skimpy tops,

no decent shoes just cheap flip-flops.

But I was feeling smug inside

when an enormous cloud I spied

and by the time we had alighted

the clear blue sky was truly blighted.

Huge dark clouds were everywhere

but frankly, I just didn’t care.

I took a walk down to the sea

my head held high triumphantly.

The wind it howled, the rain did pour

but I just stood there on the shore,

I looked up to the heavens in glee,

smiled, and thought, “you can’t fool me.”

 

What happened next, was very frightening,

I saw a flash and got struck by lightning!

 

Copyright Peter Woodgate