ADAM
Peter Woodgate
Within
the labyrinth of time
The
world was ours both yours and mine
And
with it came the waters deep
The
mountains, and should we peep
Beyond
this sphere a show of light
The sun
by day, the moon by night.
What
more then could a man desire?
Too
late, you find with that small bite
The
knowledge that condemns all to eternal fire
(Written 37 years ago with the belief that mankind’s
Cumulative knowledge would lead to the destruction of our
planet)
Well, it's been a bit of a time coming but your prediction looks like bearing fruit. Nice poem except:
ReplyDeletethough I'm no poet it seems the final line (13 feet), doesn't scan with the others (8 feet)?
I would have thought that after 37 years you would have got it right?
Knowledge brings us eternal fire
Knowledge fed the eternal fire
or
Too late, you find that one small bite
brings knowledge and eternal fire
Just a thought Pedro...
Thanks for your observation Len, however, I think you mean syllable count as "foot" or "feet" refer to stressed and unstressed syllables.
ReplyDeleteAnapest, Dactyl, Iambic and Trochaic are most commonly used. The last three lines do not match the previous six, three times rhyming couplets,
The flow of a poem is more important than rhyme, although I have dovetailed these lines to fit in. I have given your suggestions thought but would not want to shorten the final line for the sake of a mathematical equation.
In other words you can make up your own rules? Then maybe I'll start writing poems (pros) again. Thanks for the advice...
DeleteCertain types of poems i.e. Sonnets and villanelles do have strict rules, poetry in general does not.
DeleteWhat about 'The knowledge that condemns 'all' to eternal fire?
ReplyDeleteJust a thought, seems to scan better. Whatever Peter, it's well written and very perspicacious. Pity more people weren't poets 37 years ago.
Yes Janet, my original "us" was meant to encapsulate the human race,
ReplyDeleteI accept "all" would clarify this. An edit after 37 years. is that a contender for "The Guinness Book of Records"?