I HEAR YOU CALLING

Jane Scoggins

‘Janice where are you? Can you come?’

 John’s voice sounded urgent. There was a pause and then

‘Janice can you hear me?’

Janice sat at the kitchen table and made no move to get up, but cocked her head, sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

The kitchen clock ticked steadily and the fridge hummed quietly and predictably.

Janice glanced at the clock, within seconds John's voice rang out again, more urgently and with an edge of irritation and impatience.

‘Janice, where are you woman? Why don’t you answer me? – I know you can hear me’

Janice raised herself from the chair and as she did said softly.

‘Oh yes, I can hear you calling.’

In a steady flow of movements Janice reached for her coat and put it on, picked up her handbag from the table and a suitcase from beside her chair. And walked to the back door. With a backward glance, Janice let herself out and closed the door behind her.

   The wedding had been the best day of her life. She had worn powder blue with navy accessories. The bouquet of white scented roses smelled heavenly, and her long auburn hair was held prettily with diamanté combs. Seeing herself in the mirror after putting the finishing touches to her makeup she smiled at herself and saw a beautiful bride.

She had not known such happiness as she left the registry office on her husband’s arm. His glossy dark hair and perfect olive skin set off by the new navy suit and white shirt he had bought at her request.  It made her feel there was nothing he would not do to please her. Family and friends gathered around and showered them with confetti that caught in their hair as it momentarily blew all around them before they all went off chattering and laughing to the smart hotel nearby where a reception had been laid on. And what a reception, a delicious buffet with glasses of champagne to start and a wonderful wedding cake and more champagne to finish off. Everything about the day, and the night in the bridal suite, had been sheer bliss and she would remember it forever Mr and Mrs John O’Brien had started married life on a high and their love knew no bounds. As a child, Janice had listened to her parents arguing. As a teenager, she had heard her father raise his voice in temper and on occasions had raised his hand to her mother too. Janice had wondered why her mother had put up with it. That would not be the sort of relationship that she would expect when she got married. In her late teens and early twenties, Janice dated a few very nice, well mannered, and attentive young men, but she knew she had not yet found true love until she met John, and then she knew almost immediately that he was The One. Good looking, cheeky grin, witty and charming. A real ladies man but as soon as he started dating Janice he only had eyes for her and she reveled in his love. Within six months John had proposed and Janice had immediately accepted. Eight months later they were married.

  Janice had not given much thought to when they would have children but when John had said he wasn’t keen on having any for a while, they had decided to put any plans on hold until they were ready. Over the next few years, John still had not felt ready for a child, so Janice had reluctantly accepted that maybe they wouldn’t have any. A big disappointment but Janice hoped he would change his mind. In the meantime, she was very happy in her marriage and had enough to do enjoying her full time job, cooking, and gardening, which she loved, and spending time with John. To discover that he was having an affair with a girl at work early on in their marriage came as a painful shock to Janice. She had thought they were blissfully happy. John had at first denied the affair but had come clean after confrontation and had asked to be forgiven. He gave up the girl and Janice forgave him.

Over the year's John had a number of affairs and Janice always forgave him because she loved him and he said he loved her too. However, over time she felt she had become a doormat and that John took her for granted, but she did not know what to do about it. Worse was to come when she discovered that John had fathered a child. Janice was devastated and felt so betrayed.

Even worse was that the mother of the child phoned John on his mobile at home and Janice had overheard them talking about the baby. He told Janice it wasn’t his, and expected her to believe him.

    Six months ago John had suffered a stroke which had left him with speech and mobility problems. He was on the mend and managing to do most things for himself now, although he preferred Janice to be on hand to do everything for him. He was bored at home and missed his independence away from home. Colleagues visited him from work occasionally but apart from that John had little company except for Janice. The girlfriend with the baby stopped calling.

  Janice stood with her suitcase on the platform and waited for the train. No more the doormat Janice vowed to herself. She would visit her mum and leave John to it for a while. How long she wasn’t quite sure, a few days, a few weeks? What she was sure of though was if she did come back it would be on a different footing with John and she would make this very clear to him. She would give herself time to think whether he was worth going back to after the heartache she had suffered. A fresh start or a clean break? She needed time to decide.

Copyright Jane Scoggins