A FAMILY AFFAIR (Part 2 of 3)
by Richard Banks
My preference was for the spirits and on a coolish afternoon, I was more than content to wile away the several hours until dinner with a large G&T in the conservatory. It was while observing a strange plant of Triffid-like proportions that I inadvertently made the discovery that my fellow guests were attempting by more active means. In the intestines of this transparent monster was not only the necklaces but a hoard of gold coins that I took to be the fabled pieces of eight. Alas, I had fallen asleep, but my dream, although disappointing for not being reality, had at least brought me within an hour of dinner and the French cuisine of Aunt Flora’s faithful retainer, Madam DuSavoury.
Having located Teddy on the veranda of the Drawing Room we departed to our room where we again attended to our ablutions before changing into our evening things. Our subsequent entry into the dilapidated grandeur of the Queen Ann Dining Room was made all the more pleasant by the demeanour of our fellow diners which while expressing conviviality gave no indication that any of them had scooped the jackpot. The meal took its usual form with three excellent courses that, in the absence of the elusive necklaces, were likely to be the only highlight of our stay.
Coffee served, we endured the usual speeches eulogising Uncle Hector and bowed our heads respectfully when the vicar offered up a prayer to the old rogue who apparently was in Heaven and fondly looking down on us. “Here, here,” I muttered briefly breaking ranks to look up at the ceiling which responded by jettisoning a large flake of whitewash that spiralled slowly downwards until coming to rest in Cousin Izzy’s coffee cup. If this was a sign from heaven it was not one likely to benefit Izzy who might, perceivably, provide some entertainment by choking on the whitewash. With that thought in mind, I felt a pleasant tingle of optimism that within the next few hours the necklaces would be mine.
The dinner broke-up around 11.30 and after ushering Teddy into the male preserve of the smoking room I lost no time on returning to our bedroom ready to make good use of everything I had learnt at the twice monthly meetings of the East Dulwich Spiritualists. Having exchanged my evening dress for a see-through nightie that I thought likely to attract Uncle’s attention I offered up my first incantation at precisely twelve midnight. To my delight, this was immediately answered by a knocking on the ceiling above me. On my calling out, “Is that you Uncle Hector?” The knocking promptly ceased and a male voice answered,”no” and that he was sorry to have disturbed me. “But who are you!” I demanded. There was only one way to find out and having placed a chair on the bed I climbed up onto it and pushed aside the loft hatch in the ceiling. A dazzling blue light was shining in the otherwise inky blackness of the loft. “Are you a spirit?” I asked, bracing myself for a confrontation with one of Brookvale’s former owners. “Identify yourself and come in peace.” The light shifted from side to side and with much heavy breathing drew closer revealing in its wake a helmet and a grimy face I was beginning to recognise.
“Hello, Aunty, it’s Archie here, your nephew. Just doing a bit of potholing in the loft – awfully good practice, you know.”
I did not know, although it was only too obvious what he was up to. “Found anything of interest?” I said, in an accusing sort of way, and on receiving the answer, “only a dead rat” I bid him continue his potholing out of earshot of myself who did not wish to be disturbed again. This I said with all the icy censor I could muster which was more than enough to send him scuttling-off in the direction of the Beck-Cooper’s room. Pausing only to entertain myself with the notion that he might fall through their ceiling and into their bed for an uninvited three-some I descended to the steady foundation of the bedroom floor where I cleared my mind ready for a second outreaching into the spirit world. It was not long before my call was answered by an unfamiliar voice speaking in an unfamiliar language that might have been Italian. It was not Uncle Hector.
I needed to clear the line, so to speak, but spirits, once
they answer a call, are often reluctant to hang-up. The logical thing of course
was for me do so but the psychic words that should have sent him on his way had
no effect whatsoever. “Push-off!” I demanded in the vernacular, to which I
added a rude word in Italian that I had learned on a school trip to
“So what does my little temptress want?” he asked. “Is she missing her dear old uncle? And why not, after all we did have some memorable moments together. Although, of course, it wasn’t just me. What a gal you were. I was your number fifty-two I recall and you were once kind enough to reward my efforts with a ten. You wrote it in that little black book of yours. But that was in the old blood and flesh days. There’s no going back to them, at least not for me. Now put on a cardigan or something before you catch a cold and tell your poor departed uncle why you have dragged him away from the sweet smell of tobacco in the smoking room. Incidentally, I saw Teddy there; is he still putting up with your tricks?”
“Teddy does what I say and believes what I tell him. He’s an ideal husband and providing I light his fire once a week he’s happier than he has any right to be. He’s not half the man you were.”
“Very flattering, I’m sure, but you haven’t answered my first question, as if I didn’t know the answer. Well, let’s ask you something else: why should I tell you where the necklaces are? What right do you have to them?”
“So I can pass them on to Robert, of course.”
“You mean, Robert, your son?”
“Yes, of course, I mean Robert. Your favourite nephew, a chip off the old block you once said, and with good reason.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that Robert is not only my son, he’s yours too.”
“Poppycock! Mind you I never thought that Teddy was the father, nothing more obvious than that, even Teddy must have had his doubts, but why me? And don’t tell me that he was born nine months after one of our assignations. There’ll be a dozen other candidates for sure; knowing you, more than that. No, no my dear you’ll have to do better than that.”
“Then I will. If it’s proof you want, then proof you will have. Not that I needed any, a mother always knows the father of her child. However, with this interview in mind, I resolved to put the question beyond doubt.”
“How so?”
“DNA testing, of course, first I took a lock of Robert’s
hair, and then a few days later at the wedding of your brother’s younger son, I
encouraged his brother to become the worse for drink at which time I also
cut-off a lock of his hair. Both were sent to a clinic in
Uncle’s spectral image flickered like a florescent tube about to expire, his face registering surprise bordering on incredulity. At last, he steadied himself and with eyes, only on the papers I had set out crossed the room and stared down at them in their numbered order.
“Congratulations,” I said, once he was through. “You are a
father. Now let us consider what you can do to help your son.”
“I take it you are referring to the necklaces?”
“Of course I am. Only you can ensure that he receives what
is rightly his.”
“And how much would he get once you sold them to your
“Uncle, how ungallant of you, I am the mother of your only child, surely you don’t begrudge me a few little comforts in my middling years. Anyway, let’s face it, what choice do you have? If left where they are they will either be lost forever or discovered by one of the navies who one day will be demolishing this crumbling ruin. Is that what you want? No, of course not, so tell me their precise whereabouts and I will guarantee that what should happen does happen.”
(To be continued)
Copyright Richard Banks
Good Story Peter, can't wait for part 3... Definitely up to your usual high standard.
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