STRATEGY 

Peter Woodgate 

Into the battlefield eight by eight

Placed according to kind

With pawns upfront and kings behind

The battalions of the mind.

 

Winning is the only aim

And sacrifice is needed

Each piece upon the board bar one

Can have their use conceded.

 

The mighty queen and humble pawn

All must play their part

As each move is carefully planned

Coolness is the art.

 

Ego is the driving force

And veins are pumped with blood

Each skirmish fought hand to hand

To open up the board.

 

You lose a bishop, take a knight

Then sacrifice a pawn

The game swings first this way then that

Until the early dawn.

 

Your collar now feels very tight

Beads of sweat run down

Your opponent looks you in the eye

You return it with a frown.

 

The clock ticks on each move recorded

With a movement of the arm

The eyes looked glazed, the mouth is dry

The brain sends forth alarm.

 

Time left is fast receding

You already know your fate

A hand is placed  upon the piece

And you hear the words “checkmate”

 

Copyright Peter Woodgate

 FOOTBALL IN THE 50’s

 Peter Woodgate 

Sunday morning football down the park

We had to carry a crossbar and each post

Across the muddy pitches in our ankle boots

All this exertion on one piece of toast.

 

The ball was solid leather with a bladder

Which could soak up a puddle on its day

Should you be brave enough to try and head it

You soon regretted it with some dismay.

 

Our shirts were, mostly, of the same design

The shorts and socks did not follow suit

We wore whatever we could beg or borrow

And very often too, that meant a boot.

 

We didn’t care too much about the weather

Be it hail or ice or even snow

We never made a fuss, just got there on the bus

And waited for the referee to blow.

 

There was no pay for all our gallant efforts

No heated soil or nice hot baths with soap

We left the pitch all muddy and with bruises

Sometimes we lost but remained full of hope.

 

We then washed knees and elbows and our boots

In freezing water in an outside trough

If we were lucky someone brought a towel

Even though it was extremely rough.

 

Despite the lack of luxuries or substitutes

We counted down the days before each game

I look at football now and wonder just how

The players would have coped, it’s not the same

 

Copyright Peter Woodgate

 April Fool

By Janet Baldey

         Josie snatched the ‘phone away, the high wailing cry still ringing in her ears.   Somebody’s strangling a cat, she thought. Then she realized. Of course, that would be Ken playing one of his childish tricks on her. Any minute now a ghoulish voice would gibber and cackle down the line. She opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind but then stopped. The wail was beginning to coalesce into sobs and Josie frowned. She was puzzled, she knew now it wasn’t Ken, he wasn’t that good an actor.  

         ‘Josieeee’. 

 With a jolt, she realised who it was. Lorraine, her friend since they were at school together.

         ‘Lorraine?  What’s wrong?’

‘Oh Josie, Matt’s gone, he says he isn’t coming back.  He left me a letter, he…...’   The rest of her sentence was drowned in hiccups.

         Josie was dumbstruck.  Lorraine and Matt? The perfect couple? The couple who had everything? 

         At last, she found her voice.

         ‘Calm down, love. I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding. I’ll be right over. You can tell me all about it and then we’ll have lunch and hit the shops.  You know a spot of retail therapy always cheers you up’.

         An hour later, Josie arrived at the luxury riverside penthouse she had always envied.  Inside, the normally chic and well groomed, Lorraine was a sodden heap of misery sprawled on a sofa.  Sans slap, her eyes were red and swollen and her face was puffy and streaked with tears.

        

 

Lorraine was pathetically pleased to see her old friend.  Dabbing at her eyes with a hankie already streaked with mascara, she grasped Josie’s hand and drew her down to sit beside her. Her voice hitched with tears as she spoke.

‘Yesterday, as soon as I came in through the door, I knew something was wrong.   The flat felt cold and empty and it was so quiet. I went into the bedroom and all his clothes were gone.  He’s taken everything, Josie. His record collection, his books.  He left me a note’.

She handed over a crumpled piece of paper.  It was quite brief.

Lorraine,

I’m sorry to have to write a note like this, but we both know our marriage is going nowhere. I have met someone else and am giving up my job and going away to find happiness.  Will write when I am settled. 

Matt

         Josie stared at Lorraine.  She had no idea how to deal with this. What could she say?  Mouthing platitudes that she knew were woefully inadequate, she tried to comfort her friend but Lorraine’s sobs grew louder. After a while, Josie decided it was time to take positive action.

         ‘Go and wash your face’ she said firmly. ‘We’ll go shopping for a new outfit.   That’ll make you feel better and then we’ll have lunch at Marco’s.  We’ll really pig out.’

         Whilst Lorraine was in the bathroom, Josie looked around. She’d always admired this room, with its powder blue carpet and white leather settees.  She crossed over to the picture window and looked down at the river sparkling on its way to the sea.   

Boxy tramp steamers punched the tide, accompanied by a cloud of gulls. But the efficient double glazing quenched all sound and suddenly Lucy felt claustrophobic. It was like living in a Perspex cube.  She thought affectionately of her own tiny house, with its cramped rooms and no view to speak of.  She also felt a rush of guilt about

Ken. He had been working so much overtime recently and she knew it was only because she had wanted what Lorraine had.  The moment he got home this evening she would tell him that nothing mattered, as long as they were together.

  The rest of the day was not a success.  Lorraine drooped around the shops, listlessly fingering clothes that she was obviously not interested in.  Over lunch her mood changed and she launched into a vitriolic litany of all Matt’s faults and failings, stabbing at her food as if it were tender pieces of his anatomy. Josie had shrunk further and further into her chair as she realised that people sitting at tables nearby were falling silent.

 

The day that had started badly went rapidly downhill.  On her way home at last, Josie got stuck in a traffic jam. She looked at her watch and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. Come on, get a move on. At this rate Ken will be home before I am.   At least, I’ve got steak in the freezer, that won’t take long to cook.  She glowered at the ribbon of red tail-lights gleaming on the wet road. Inch by painful inch the car crept forwards. Josie puffed out her cheeks and looked around.  

Suddenly, she gasped and trod down hard on the brake pedal.  She recognised the car parked in the driveway of the house she was passing.  Same make, same model, same registration number – it was Ken’s car.  A cold hand squeezed her heart.  What was it doing there?   It was way off his route home.  She felt a stab of panic, he had been late home so many times recently.  He had told her he was working overtime but maybe he wasn’t.  Maybe had another woman, like Matt.  She shook her head in disbelief at the idea, Ken wasn’t like that.  But then, that was probably what Lorraine had thought about Matt.  Suddenly, it all made perfect sense, the late nights, Ken’s tiredness, everything. The rat!   She glared at the neat semi-detached sitting smugly at the roadside, her anger rising.  Well, he can forget supper.  He’s got some explaining to do.  The car behind her hooted impatiently, the jam had cleared.  Viciously, she let in the clutch and the car bounded forwards.

Sure enough, when she walked into the sitting room, the answerphone light was flashing.  She pressed a button and heard her husband’s soft Irish brogue fill the room.  

‘Sorry, love. Will be a bit late home tonight. Tell you why later’.

You bet you will.  She flung herself down in the armchair, she felt drained.  She switched on the TV and with unseeing eyes, stared at the kaleidoscopic images that flickered across the screen. What a fool she’d been. She’d swallowed all his lies. She’d even found a logical explanation for the red hair she’d spotted glinting on his suit. She looked across at Mitzi, their red setter, stretched out on the rug. Tears trembled on her lashes and she reached for a box of tissues.

It was 8.30 before he got home.   He started speaking even before he entered the room.  

‘Sorry, I’m late love. Poor old John.  His car broke down and he was in such a panic. He’s got some urgent calls to make first thing in the morning so I lent him mine and came home on the bus.  First one didn’t turn up and the second was late.  Public transport!  What a shambles’.

He walked into the room and saw her sitting there amongst a drift of balled-up tissues.

‘What’s the matter?  Got a cold?’  He aimed a kiss somewhere in the direction of her head.

‘Is supper ready?  I’m starving’.

She sat staring at him. Of course, she remembered now. That was John’s house.   Ken had pointed it out to her once.  What an idiot she was and what a nasty, suspicious mind she had.

Full of remorse, she sprang up and gave him a long lingering kiss before rushing to the kitchen where she frantically started thawing steaks with a hairdryer.

 Puzzled, Ken stared at the door.  Then, he poured himself a drink and sat down, relief flooding through him. Well, that went okay. Thought the old ‘working late at the office’ excuse was wearing a bit thin. He smiled to himself. It had been his lucky day. John’s car breaking down – what a perfect excuse. He’d looked across the room and saw Julia looking at him and knew she would jump at the chance of giving him a lift. Via her place first of course. He stretched voluptuously and rustled open his newspaper. It was then he noticed the date, April Fool’s day, he thought and grinned.

 

Copyright Janet Baldey

Abbalar Tales ~ 35

 Abbalar Tales ~ 35 End Game

By Len Morgan

In the eerie grey predawn, they presented themselves at the plaza.   The Arbiter offered a choice of weapons.   They each chose carefully then stripped to the waist and walked to a scratch line painted across the centre of the square.

"If for any reason I call a halt, you will disengage at once and resume this position to await my ruling.   If you fail to do so after five minutes you forfeit the contest and your life.   Is that understood?" he asked looking at each, in turn, to be sure they understood.   "When I call 'disengage', you are both to take one step back and do not continue until ordered to do so" he said.   He then turned to the gathered crowd of less than a hundred curious spectators.

"This is to be a duel to the death on a matter of honour.   Frek and Skaa-Bae having been unable to resolve their differences by diplomacy or any other means.   They are left with a single option - trial by combat - a duel.   The survivor will be deemed the righteous party, blameless of any wrongdoing."

The small band of witnesses grew by the minute as the larger-than-life voice of the Arbiter drew in the curious.   A few moments of silence, and a hushed excitement, whipped expectation to fever pitch.   Bets were taken and money changed hands, as the sky lightened in the east.

"Address!"   he commanded, and both came to the set position, blades crossed.

As the arc of sunlight breached the horizon, he stuck their blades apart with his staff and stepped back.

.-…-. 

Frek leered at Skaa. “You will discover, who is the best swordsman; in your dying moments.”  Skaa did not reply…

   They had spent many hours together, more than most married couples.   They had on several occasions saved each other's lives but, now in a few moments, it would all be over.   He would not enjoy killing Skaa, though he would not admit it even to himself.   Best do the deed quickly and get it over with.

"Engage!" yelled the Arbiter.

Frek instantly threw a vertical cut at Skaa's head, intending to split the man spectacularly in two.  Skaa sidestepped neatly and instantly replied with a horizontal cut to the right, opening up his whole body as an inviting target.   His counter thrust began the moment Skaa's blade passed.   The old man's dagger engaged and deflected it, the cut had been a feint.   He took up close quarters to tie up Skaa's sword arm, and bring his own dagger into play but, there was no room left to maneuver.   It was a stalemate, though he received several ineffectual blows from the pommel of Skaa's sword.

"Disengage!"  this is a duel of honour, not a bawdy house brawl.   The rules of combat strictly forbid infighting!"   they separated and toed the line.

"Engage!"

They circled warily, each respectful of the ability of the other, each looking for that one opening.   He feigned an attack and watched Skaa feign an answering counter.   He closed, and Skaa threw a diagonal cut, Frek felt a sharp pain in his upper sword arm, forcing himself not to look he launched an immediate counter, but Skaa danced out of reach.

"First blood,” the Arbiter called for the spectators benefit.

He allowed his sword arm to drop slightly as though he was in difficulty but trying to disguise it, hoping to tempt Skaa into a rash action.   Skaa closed in on him.   At the last moment, he raised the tip of his sword slightly and lunged.   Again the older man's parry was left to right across his body, he didn't even seem aware he was doing it.   They fought on matching attack with counter-attack, reposte for counter-reposte.   Both men started to get through and score minor successes.   Both were bloodied and breathing heavily.   'Patience' Frek thought, he could see the old man was tiring and slowing down, he smiled confidently.

Just like playing a hooked fish on a line, give him his head, let him struggle and tire himself out, then pull him in and there's nothing he can do about it.   “Your going to die old man."

"True enough, but not today." Skaa grinned right back at him, "do your best and I'll give you a lesson, too bad, it will profit you none."

Ten minutes is a long contest, few can survive under such unrelenting pressure.   Yet fifteen then twenty minutes passed and they fought on, neither asking nor giving quarter.   There were now many hundreds in the square, but for all the noise they made you would think it empty; discounting the irregular ringing of steel on steel.   Frek gazed searchingly into the old man's face and fancied he could read defeat in his eyes.   It was, as he had said, just a matter of time.   The longer the contest continued the more it swung in the favour of youth.   He would be patient and the opening would come and he would end it.   He blocked a tired overhead swing, with his dagger, and immediately countered with a thrust at the center of Skaa's torso.   There it was again!   The left to right parry.  As his blade was dashed aside his dagger was already in motion, 'gotcha' he thought, but his blade cut through empty air and he felt a sharp pain in his chest.   He felt his grip weaken on the sword.   'Right to left, he parried rrr…' his mind became cluttered and his blurring eyes fixed Skaa with a frozen sightless stare.   The younger man stumbled and staggered back several paces on willow twig legs before collapsing under his own weight.   It was over.

  A delayed roar went up from the assembled crowd.   They rushed forward and ecstatically hoisted the victor onto their backs triumphantly parading him around the plaza.   Balladeers were busy composing songs about the battling Huren, each trying to outdo the others to produce the definitive work that would endure through time.   Aldor knew the tale would be wildly exaggerated, totally out of all proportion, but the taller the tale the better it's telling.

.-…-. 

Later, as they all sat quietly in Asba's lounge drinking bitter ale and eating toasted cheese cooked over a banked pile of embers, Skaa realized he felt no joy or elation at the death of Frek.   He could only recall good times they had shared, like this celebration.   Aldor sang his praises, reliving the action blow by blow.

"I was half a-feared you made that left-right parry a little too obvious.   I thought he would see through your ploy…"

"What ploy…"   Skaa said straight-faced.

Aldor gazed back in surprise, then saw the beginnings of a smile break out on the old man's face.

"You scoundrel" he scolded, Skaa's grin was mirrored on his own face.  

Asba refilled their flagons as they fell silent, reflecting on the hollowness of victory.   Remembering the young lives that had ended prematurely at the hands of the beast and, but for her quick mind, Genna might have joined them the previous night.

"We should celebrate because we are alive and that vile animal is not.   All thanks to the good right hand of friend Skaa," said Genna as if reading their minds.   "Can you sing?"  she asked the white-haired blue-eyed man to her left, slapping him roughly on the back as though he were an old comrade.

"Like a bird," he replied, bursting into a familiar refrain without further prompting, "I wan-der these g-o-o-ld-en by-ways in the daw-ns…"

"No!  No, not again, be silent!" she yelled, a look of despair on her face, "you’re a worse singer than…   Aldor?   Is it really you?   It is you!" she said answering her own question.   Her face broke into a smile and she threw her arms about his neck in sheer delight.

"Take your hands off my woman!" said Asba, joining the conversation.

"This is no woman, this is my partner," Aldor replied.

"Whatever happened to you," she asked, "what evil storm could have wrought such change."

"What happened…" He mulled over the question for a few moments, then he burst into a smile and shook his head, then he looked her into the eyes and said "Life happened to me.   Life!"   He kissed her on the cheek, "Congratulations," he said, "you have snaffled the most eligible bachelor in all Corvalen."

He turned to Asba and enthusiastically shook his hand.

"She's had her nets spread far and wide for years, to catch me.   Yes, I'm a little; a lot older than she; so when I'm in my dotage - frail and feeble - she will be off out with handsome young men of her own age but, I shall be the one she comes home to at the end of the day.   She will also be the first standard to become a revisionist in an age. Though she will be just the first of many; the future looks bright.   Paveil and his sister will ensure we multiply" said Asba.

'I'm sorry to interrupt the proceedings, but it's almost time to re-establish your mental link with Orden.   You will then not be able to bring thoughts of us, The Revisionists, or our hidden resources to your conscious mind.   But, the knowledge you have gained over the past week will remain with you.   It will always be at your disposal should it be needed.   If we need to contact you for any reason we will trigger a memory of your time with us.   When this happens you will know but others will not.   You carry with you a map of all the locations where you can gain access to 'the old technology', so may at any time join us without others knowing.   It would be helpful if you could discover through your connection to the Hive Mind (HM). what happened to the great host of humanity that migrated to the stars so long ago.   It may transpire that your fate is inextricably linked with theirs.'

'A moment yet,' said Aldor.  'Let me enjoy the silence a while longer.'   He sat quietly listening to, Skaa's rich and tuneful baritone voice singing an old folk melody, a traveler’s hymn.    Enjoying… 

Skaa sang loudly and softly evoking many emotions, both joyful and sad.

'This is silence?'  the machine voice asked.

'Compared to a whole Universe, trying to get into my mind, this is indeed silence.'  Aldor replied.

'If you are now ready to re-establish your link with Orden and the HM. we suggest you fill him in on what has transpired, from the parallel memories we have substituted in your mind.   Good luck.'

'Do machines subscribe to luck he wondered…’  Abruptly he became aware that he was no longer alone.

'Sprout, I was just beginning to get a teensy tad concerned,' said Orden.

'Orden, where have you been?   Why are you never around when we need you?'

'Well sprout, I might ask you the same, where have you been hiding and what is happening?'

'We discovered evidence of the existence of a possible Karaxen enclave to the North, a reclusive sect we understand.   Wizomi has gone to investigate and will re-establish contact when he can.'

'Then what are your plans?' Orden asked.

'I will travel East with Skaa to the homeland of the Huren, to learn more about them.   Their language and customs.   Then down into the Meyam states and further into the Cheilin Empire.' Aldor said.

'May I suggest you make the journey in reverse,' said Orden.  

'You will remember the horse trader who runs the ranch close by the enchanters wood, he is a native of the Cheilin Empire.'

'I remember him,' Aldor replied.

'It would be to our advantage to visit him prior to crossing the Sabre Tooth mountain range.   There is a small matter that needs attending to, which I would normally have asked Wiz to deal with but, as you say, he is not available.'

'What would you have me do?' Aldor asked.

'Make him aware of your association with Wizomi and enlist his help in making contact with a secret sect in Cheilin, known as the Tylywoch; it is their name for a huge blackbird similar to a Raven; they are sore in need of your talents.   I will inform Wiz that Jazim is heading in his direction as soon as he re-establishes contact,' Said Orden 'Good luck on your journey.'

'But I really should be getting after Jazim,' he countered.

'She is no longer your concern sprout.  Jazim aside, everything seems to have turned out well.   The future of the Corvalen states is assured, you leave them in good hands, you chose well, but this is only the beginning.   Bedelacq is now barred from Corvalen, But he has designs on the Huren states, and the Mayam federation as well.   But the most vulnerable at this time is the Cheilin Empire.'

'Take a few days to relax and celebrate with your friends, I think you've earned that much.'  Said Orden.

'Words fail…' Aldor thought.

 A herald arrived from the palace, summoning them all to a reception in honour of the new Prince Regent.   All the surviving brothers, including those who had been held in the cells, were to be at court to pledge allegiance to Paveil, who was to declare an amnesty for all.   The Kull was at an end.  

"Henceforth" the herald declared, "the accession will go to the firstborn by right.   The eldest will succeed, at the moment of the Caliph’s passing, and all his brothers will become princes of the realm; in celebration of this, a two-day festival is proclaimed.   Food and drink will be freely available, for everyone, in the Plaza in front of the palace.   The Regent himself will keep vigil to ensure the tables are always full and the wine casks never run dry."   The herald turned to address Asba.   "Sir, it is my pleasant duty to make the following announcement, firstly to you in person, and then to the world at large.   Henceforth, there will be a fund set up to build and run a state School and Orphanage, in the city of Corvalen."   He took out a new scroll and they all gathered around expecting something special.   "I am commanded to tell you that – your lifelong aspiration is about to be realized - in gratitude for your past services to the state of Corvalen.   We appoint you, our most loyal servant, Asba Dylon, first chancellor in perpetuity."  They cheered unreservedly and with enthusiasm, and he did not attempt to hide the tears that came unbidden to his eyes.

.-…-. 

   It was with sadness that Aldor finally bade farewell to his friends.   They refused to allow him to go until he made a solemn promise to return the following spring for the wedding of Asba and Genna.  

   They had all shared a great adventure and had grown in stature because of that experience.  

But, for Aldor, it was just the beginning…

 (Epilogue to follow...)

 This is not ~ The End

Copyright Len Morgan

 OBSERVATION 

By Peter Woodgate 

Whilst painting, we don’t exhibit the truth

we dye just what we see,

but we must delve much deeper

to unlock life with the key.

The key to understanding

that all life upon this Earth

is veiled by mankind’s blindness,

a weakness and a curse.

Even the scope’s (tele and micro)

that push the doors ajar,

still leave us short when viewing

those things both near and far.

We waive aside each miracle

that exists, but not controlled,

by humanity’s laws and reasoning

and other things that we are told.

Our minds must voyage far beyond

the spectrum of our sight,

at the rainbow’s end, a pot of gold,

and we may see the light.     

Copyright Peter Woodgate

Promoting Thought

 Promoting Thought

By Robert Kingston

countryside road

from hedge to hedge 

sparrows

(C) Robert Kingston (poem of the week 21-28.4.21 Japan society)

 

 The Road To Recovery.

By Jane Scoggins     

     Living in London had not been easy. Drugs were readily available. Particularly so around the Jamaica Road area where Jackie, homeless and desperate, had ended up in a run down bedsit. She hadn’t cared at the time where she lived, or about anything else. She was in too much of a state, and her drug abuse was out of control. A boyfriend had introduced her to drugs at seventeen. She had left home to be with him. Home was a very unhappy place at the time so she had jumped at the opportunity to leave. When she started to show serious signs of dependency and asked him for more and more money to feed her growing habit he had wanted out, and dumped her. Subsequent partners had not been any good for her either, and she had regularly been abused in one way or another. Reaching rock bottom she had accepted support from the street doctor working at The Elephant and Castle. She had been lucky to have been offered rehabilitation.

    She met Ray in rehab, and both struggled to come clean from heroin. It had been really hard. Anyone not addicted to drink or drugs could not possibly know how hard.

    Ray was a plasterer and carpenter, making good money in and around Notting Hill where wealthy young bankers were buying up property. He had mates he went to the pub with, but he was bored and ambitious and looked around for different company, more exciting than his usual mates. He aspired to a lifestyle more like the rich young bankers. He accepted invitations, however casual, to casinos and the better clubs in London. He found he was a natural at the gaming tables. So, Monday to Friday he was a plasterer and carpenter, and at weekends he was a gambler. At first, he had nothing to do with drugs, he didn’t need them. He got his highs from the thrill of the roll of a dice, or the turn of a card. But as time went by, he started to take the pills and snort the cocaine on offer at private parties, or in the gents' cloakrooms. The sensation achieved made him feel more self-assured in conversation with some of his new more articulate city acquaintances, and around the gambling tables. He liked the girls he met there too. They were easy to pick up and put down. One night stands who would do almost anything for an evening of cocktails and a few of his blackjack chips. Ray became more confident in his looks and charm and played to these strengths. At home, his divorced mother Julie was very happy with the increase in money coming her way and began to rely on the additional spending money for herself. She overlooked any concerns she may have had about his possible drug use. She had her own social life to think about.

    Ray's downfall came, when on three separate occasions, he was in clubs when they were raided by the police, and he was found in possession of, and supplying, heroin and crack cocaine. He was also charged for driving under the influence of drink and drugs on another occasion, and being in possession of heroin. To avoid a prison sentence, and with the encouragement of his mother who worried about the long term loss of income from her son, Ray accepted a fine, a referral to a drug rehabilitation centre and a suspended jail sentence.

   When Ray met Jackie in rehab he was immediately attracted to her. She was pretty, vulnerable, and compliant. They became a couple. With the help of Methadone, they hoped to get back to a normal life, away from the cramps, cravings, and desperation of their lives as addicts. 

     Drawing strength from one another over time they felt confident they were winning the battle and following rehab they moved into a flat together. .But once an addict always an addict they say, and it takes more than medication, to resist the cravings that rise up and demand attention on a daily basis. It also takes willpower and determination. Unfortunately, an opportunity for temptation came Ray’s way that he could not resist, and he accepted a wrap of cocaine. He then could not resist a second and a third, a fourth and a fifth. He returned to the gaming tables to fuel his habit. Earning good money, he reassured Jackie he was in control of his drug use, that it was purely recreational. Over time he became more unpredictable in his behaviour. Jackie knew it was the drugs doing it to him, not the real Ray, and stuck by him. Their history in rehab kept her emotionally bound to him.

 

She really loved him and was as addicted to him as she had been on drugs, and just as dependant. She was determined not to give up on him however difficult, and by whatever means. But Ray's drug use and sometimes losses at the casino fuelled arguments and led to his more frequent aggression. As a result, they eventually parted, very badly. Jackie's heart was broken.

      She got part-time work at a large supermarket which improved her confidence and reunited her with the real world again. She was an equal, no longer a degenerate druggie on the streets, sleeping in the park and smelling like shit. As part of her rehabilitation and return to work, she was also a volunteer at the food bank in Tooley Street. Jackie found the other volunteers friendly and good company and was grateful for their support. They had a good laugh. Because of their individual difficult pasts, she felt tied by an invisible piece of string linking them together. A bit like the invisible string she felt had tied her to Ray, but from which she had been painfully cut free. Jackie stacked the shelves from the boxes and carrier bags of foodstuffs dropped off throughout the week by church groups, shoppers, and charitable organisations. She and the other volunteers acknowledged these acts of human kindness. It helped them put a better perspective on their own lives and a belief in the kindness of strangers.

    Jackie had been split up from Ray for nearly a year when one day he walked into the food bank. She was in the back unloading boxes, and out of sight of the customer counter, when she heard his voice. Her heart skipped a beat. She peeped out around the shelving. He looked ill and unkempt. She was not prepared when one of the volunteers called her name and put her on the spot. She stepped out from behind the shelving without thinking and walked to the counter to help serve. Ray’s face lit up when he saw her, all memories of their last difficult encounter when he had punched her, clearly forgotten. Looking at his disheveled state she felt sorry for him. At his best, he could charm the birds from the trees. He persuaded her to go for a walk through the park after her shift. The inevitable happened; he walked her home and asked if he could stay a few days whilst he sorted himself out and got a job and flat. Jackie decided not to question what had happened to him. He said he had been ill coming off drugs. After a meal, a shower, and a clean shirt from his bag, he looked more like the handsome charismatic Ray she had fallen for and missed so much. He stayed on and she began to feel whole again. That had been three months ago.

    As Jackie lay quietly on the sofa half awake, she dreamt of a happy life with Ray and a reunion with her mother. She had spoken of having a child, maybe moving away and starting again. She had dreamed of marriage but did not think Ray was ready for that, although he constantly told her he loved her and never wanted her to look at another man. He was quite a jealous lover, and Jackie was careful that she did not get into conversation with other men when she was with him. But she didn't mind. No other man had ever been so interested in her, or so protective. It was wonderful to feel loved even if it wasn't always consistent. She slipped further into her pleasant dream. She could hear voices but could not be bothered to wonder if they were real or part of her half dream. She saw Ray smiling at her but it didn’t sound like his voice. No doubt he had come back to apologise, like he always did. She wished now that she hadn't told him she thought she was pregnant. She had hoped he would have been happy. Instead, he had accused her of making a decision without him. She had tried to tell him it was not that way. Realising she had said the wrong thing she back-pedaled and told him she was joking. Men were funny weren’t they, she thought. You never knew if you are saying or doing the right thing. She had misjudged it this time. He was more angry than she could have anticipated.

 Feeling too tired to open her eyes or get up, Jackie wondered what she would do if she actually was pregnant and had a baby, and then slipped into a deep sleep.

   The ambulance crew found Jackie's lifeless body slumped on the sofa, the carpet, and her clothes soaked in dark red sticky blood. A thin rivulet of blood still ebbing from a deep wound. A kitchen knife lay on the floor beside her.

    Ray was picked up by the police the same night, wandering aimlessly and in a distressed state.

 He told the police they had had a row about Jackie being pregnant. He didn’t want a baby, she did. He said if she didn’t get rid of it he was leaving her. She got hysterical and said she would kill herself and the baby. She said she could not bear to lose him again. Yes, he had a temper and he had shouted at her, and remembers slapping her. But the knife was not him. She had waved it over her stomach, he had reached for it. They had stumbled. She fell. He panicked. He could not think straight.

    The post mortem revealed that Jackie was pregnant. There was old and recent bruising on her body. The GP records showed that Jackie had received medical attention, and been prescribed anti-depressants after the previous traumatic break up from Ray. Neighbours said Jackie had been a nice girl. Since Ray's arrival, they had not seen so much of her but had not noticed anything untoward.

    Tesco staff who worked with Jackie were horrified by the news. Her work record had been good and there had been no sign of behaviour that would indicate drug abuse.

    The volunteers at the food bank were genuinely dismayed and upset about Jackie's death and the nature of it. They knew she had had a troubled past. They did notice that Jackie had been quieter and not herself in recent weeks, and wondered if it had had anything to do with the boyfriend she had taken up with again.

    The trial for murder is set for eight weeks time. Ray denies the charges against him. It will be up to the jury to decide whether Jackie died accidentally, or whether Ray caused, or at least contributed to, her death. Not least because he did not call an ambulance. Those that knew Jackie since her stay in rehab said it was a terrible shame. A waste of the life of a young woman who had been determined to battle her addiction, and to turn her life around. A tragic thing to have happened to someone who had apparently been well on the road to recovery.

Copyright Jane Scoggins