TONIGHTS IT’S MACDONALDS

TONIGHTS IT’S MACDONALDS 

By Bob FRENCH

    Old Uncle Ted had served for over thirty years in the Royal Navy, and although he was starting to become frail, it had never dulled his discipline. After his beloved wife Margie, passed away, he moved in with his daughter, Mandy, and her children, bringing with him a lifetime of naval habits that amused everyone in the house, especially little Henry and Clair who giggled at his strange ways, but loved his stories about those who lived on the sea. Ted was a neat, wiry man with silver hair, a clipped white moustache, and bright blue eyes that missed nothing. He favoured pressed trousers, polished brown shoes, a checked shirt, and a navy-blue cardigan, no matter the season. On Sunday’s he would attend church wearing his navy-blue blazer and Royal Navy tie. On Remembrance Day he would don his medals and for the following months he would be the talk of the little village. Every morning began with a cold shower, a shave, then he’d make his bed so tightly you could "bounce a coin on it," followed by inspecting the garden as though it were the quarterdeck. His funniest quirk was his devotion to time.

Breakfast, or ‘scran’ as he referred to it had to be served at 6 bells, that was 7 am. Lunch was to be served at 8 bells which was 12 o’clock and supper was to be at 8 bells or at 8:00 p.m. as Ted proudly announced, "8 Bells into the first dog watch!" He would glance at the clock on the mantle piece, clear his throat dramatically, then declare, "Eight Bells! Time to pipe the hands to supper!" Even if dinner was only a minute late, he would grin, tap his watch, and mutter that standards were slipping. His routines never changed, but neither did the warmth and laughter he brought to his daughter's family. Once he had finished lunch, he would take his plate and cutlery into the kitchen and wash them clean, then leave to dry. On the week ends when the children were not attending school, he would invite them to go for a run ashore, which was the term for let’s go for a short walk around the village -green. Here he would tell them stories of pirates and those ruffians who made a living off the seas. When Henry asked him about his time in the Royal Navy, he would create an exciting story that would discretely drift off what young Henry wanted to hear. Mandy would always ask him if he wanted to do something different in the afternoon, but he would always smile at her.

“No, my dear, if you can get a copy of the Times newspaper, I would be grateful. Once the newspaper had been delivered, she would arrange the dinner table and spread the newspaper out for him. She would watch him as he carefully unfolded the paper opened it to page 8, then ask for a cup of tea. By the time she got back to him he had taken out his pocket-watch and made himself comfortable.

“Thank you my dear.” Was all he would say, and then he would start the crossword. Sometimes talking to himself.  Mandy would know that if she came back into the room after 10 minutes, he would be finished.  Only once could she remember that he had been stumped by a clue and had not finished the crossword. On that occasion he took Mandy and the children out and treated them to a Wimpy meal with a milk shake.  

     Uncle Ted quickly scanned the clues, then started. Mmm, the opposite to noise?  7 down. Silence.  Purpose of a scale. Balance?  The old Roman name for the capital of Britannia?  9 across, Londinium. What piece of material is awarded for the achievement in Epicurean? Michelin Star. No too many letters. Blue Ribbon.

 Perfect. He gradually ticked off the clues until he came to one that stumped him. The Latin name for Hedgehog? 

     He studied the blank wall wracking his brain for a good two minutes. Then out of nowhere he gave a satisfying grunt. 9 down, Erinaceus. 8 across. Total lack of light? Darkness. What name was the Irish Monk of the 6^th Century better known by?

Uncle Ted grinned. “that’s easy” he muttered to himself. Saint Brendon the navigator and the saint for sailors.”

    “Last clue.” He said quietly to himself. A Phantasmagoria when moved, a complex pattern of changing scene.

     He felt a shiver of ice-cold air rush through his body. He did something he rarely did, he started to panic. Then he glanced at the pocket-watch.  He had run out of time. No matter what he did, he could not answer the clue.

 

     Suddenly the door to the dining room burst open and little Clair came in carrying something in her hand.

    “Look Uncle Ted.  Mummy bought me a super present.”  She held up the Kaleidoscope.

      With a huge grin on his face, he bent down and hugged little Clair. “That’s it. My deal Clair you are a genius.  How did you know? 

      Hearing the commotion, Mandy came rushing into the room. “Oh I’m so sorry Ted, I thought you may have finished.”

      Still laughing, Uncle Ted stood up.  “No, it alright. I got stumped on the last clue until Clair came in and I recognised what she was holding in her hand. So I still completed the cross word but not in ten minutes.”

    “Tonight, we are eating out.  I am treating you all to a meal at Macdonald’s.”

 

Copyright Bob French