THE EVICTION

THE EVICTION 

By Peter Woodgate

 

Whilst dozing by the telly and well into a dream

Tranquility was shattered by a piercing scream

It seems Jo’s mum telephoned to say she’d seen a mouse

She wasn’t going to sleep a wink what’s more she’d sell the house.

When Jo regained composure she said don’t worry mum

Pete will come right over armed with torch and gun.

So, off I go to Tallow Gate to exorcise the beast

Being told it was quite big, two foot six at least.

When I get there Mum’s in the chair her skirt up to the light

“Can you see it?” She remarks, not a pretty sight.

“It went into the hall,” she says, as big as a bloody cat.

“Where did it come from? Where’s it gone? Do you think it is a rat?

And so with torch in hand I search each darkened place

And then inside the bathroom I see a tiny face

It’s poking out beside the bin, I have him now, I think

But out the little bleeder shoots, he’s quicker than a blink.

Down the hall and round the bend and into mums bedroom

I’ll never get him now, I’m sure, that’s what I assume

But just in time, help arrives, and Tony’s there on cue

“Well, what’s the score, how big is it and what is there to do?”

I saw that Tony came prepared and ready for the crunch

But with gloves and tea-towel I thought it more like lunch.

The tea-towel proved a master stroke and we cornered him at last

Pity that we wrecked the room and smashed a pane of glass.

We wrapped him in that tea-towel that scared and lonely mouse

And Tony set him free outside evicted from Big Momma’s house.

So in future if you see a rat or tiny mouse

Just call out catchers Pete and Tone no need then to grouse.

 

Copyright Peter Woodgate