ABORTED CALL

Peter Woodgate

It’s like this officer

I’ve found my wife in bed

With all this red stuff over her

I think she may be dead.

I don’t think she is breathing

Sometimes it’s hard to tell

She doesn’t often get aroused

And just makes my life Hell.

She says she might well have sex

With a robot or a dummy

And when I tell the blokes at work

They think it’s bloody funny.

But it’s not, I’m telling you

Cos she just sends me packing

I’m pretty good at foreplay

It’s after that I’m lacking.

What’s that you say , feel for her pulse,

Ok I’ll see if I can

This red stuff It’s all sticky

Hang on I think it’s jam.

Good God her eyes have opened

Sorry what did you say?

No officer ignore this call

I forgot it’s my BIRTHDAY.

Copyright Peter Woodgate