MY
MUM’S WORST HOLIDAY
By Bob French
(My Mum and Aunty Frances go to
Billy
sat looking at the travel brochure of
“Maybe
love. But Mummy is not coming with us.”
A frown crept across Billy’s face as he looked at his
Aunty Frances, then at his sister, then back at his Aunty.
“Why. Doesn’t Mum like going on holiday?”
Mary, Bill’s eldest sister nudged him in the side and
gave him one of her fierce stares, telling him with her eyes ‘not to ask such
questions.’
But Billy wanted his Mum to go on holiday with
them. He was aware that this September he would be going up to
senior school and he would no longer be a little boy, but a ‘grown up,’ and
according to his sister, who had turned eighteen and had already been on her
first holiday with her friends, ‘it was only grown-ups who went on their
holidays with their friends, not their parents.’ This bothered
Billy.
“It’s a long story Billy and I don’t have time at the
moment.”
“When will you have time then Aunty?”
Aunt
Three hours later, Billy heard his mother call from
the front door. “OK, I’m off to keep fit class. Be good for Aunty
Billy and Mary were watching the TV when Aunty
“Are you going to tell us why Mum doesn’t like going
on holiday with us?” Aunty
“Listen. Your Mum loves you both very
much. No love, the reason she doesn’t go on holiday was because on
my hen party, we got very drunk. She saw the question in Billy’s
eyes, then paused to explain what a hen party was.
“We were due to fly out to
“What happened?” Mary, leaned forward, eagerly wanting
to compare her exploits of her holiday with her friends in
“Well, the plan was that we all booked into the Three
Willows Hotel, just on the outskirts of Stansted airport. That night
we partied until the early hours of the morning, then we had to make our way to
the departure desk. Because most flights to the east coast of
Needless to say, we were very late in getting to the
airport. Neither of us could think straight, let alone see
straight. Anyway. Your Mum saw a sign for
As we sat in the cool of the cabin, feeling the gentle
hum of its engines, we relaxed. The worries of missing the flight to the
The jolt of the wheels hitting the runway brought us
both out of our deep sleep and instantly we could feel the excitement around
us.
We decided to wait until the rush to get out, had
passed, then slowly rose, collected our bags from the overhead locker and made
our way out to the door.
The first thing that hit us was a 120-degree blast of
hot air rushing into the cabin.
I recall your mum saying; “Wow, boy am I going to get
a suntan to die for.”
It was then things seemed to go
wrong. Firstly, we couldn’t find our luggage and when we started
asking people at the various desks, no one seemed to understand us.
We then found a British Airways desk and asked how we
could find our luggage. After an hour of filling out forms, we were
both fed up and tired. All we wanted to do was find a hotel, have a
shower, then a drink, and not in that order. The gentleman on the desk pointed
us to the taxi rank and said that we should look for the blue taxi service.
Once we managed to find one, your mum explained that
they wanted to go to
Our interest faded after the second hour as the
buildup part of the city slowly faded behind us.
I started to think that something was wrong and asked
the taxi driver where we were going.
“Missy going to
“Yes, but this does not look like the brochures we
were given back in
“Yes Missy, we go to
Your mum thought that
The taxi driver seeing the looks on our faces turned
and asked if this was our first time in the beautiful country of
We both said
“This is Philadelphia Missy. In city of
“We don’t have a hotel booked here, we…”
“No problem. My brother Abdullah, owns a
very nice hotel. He give you good tourist rates.”
Things got decidedly worse when your mum asked where
she could get a drink, to which the taxi driver frowned at her.
“No Missy, woman not permitted to drink in public and
we do not drink alcohol in Joran. It is forbidden,” then seemed to
say a quick prayer to Allah above him.”
The cab fell into silence as we contemplated a week of
no drink or entertainment for that fact and no escape from the stifling heat, dry
humid air with a constant sweaty feeling.
Things started to look up as we slowly began to pass
through built up areas and soon, we could see skyscrapers and wide avenues with
palm trees and we even a few people dressed in European clothes.
The taxi driver pulled up outside a hotel in one of
the back streets, jumped out and vanished in through the front
door. We just sat there sweating and disheartened for half an hour.
Suddenly, the door burst open and two young boys
dressed in smart uniforms rushed down the steps to the taxi, opened the doors
and assisted us out. One had a large golf umbrella which he popped
and we were ushered into a cool reception area. Here we found our
taxi driver and the hotel manager, Abdullah, sitting in the cool of the room
drinking black coffee.
“Ah ladies, welcome to my humble hotel. My
brother tells me that you have chosen to holiday in Philadelphus in
“I have to say the week’s holiday was a little
unusual; no drink, no socializing or fraternizing in public, and the food was
very spicey so we had to be careful. We did manage to meet up with a German
couple who were out there digging up old relics for some museum back in
We spent most of the time just wandering around the
town of Philadelphia carefully tasting the food, but never asking what was in
it and trying to converse with the locals, who eagerly nodded and took our
American dollars for souvenirs we didn’t need.
“What happened when your week was up? How
did you get back to
“The kind taxi driver came and collected us and took
us back to Amman International Airport and made sure that we were booked onto
the flight to London Stansted.”
Mary, with a hundred questions in her eyes, looked
carefully at Aunty
“So, what were the good things you both enjoyed on
your holiday?”
“Well none of it really. On the flight back
we both swore an oath that we would never drink again and that we would never
go on holiday where it meant catching a plane and lastly, we lost so much
weight out there, we promised to keep fit.”
Billy jumped up. Does that mean you and Mum
can go on a walking holiday this summer?”
Thinking that Mary would go along with his idea, he
turned to face her only to be met with one of her fierce stares.
Copyright Bob French
Nice story Bob.
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