A bottle of Prosecco
By Janet Baldey
It
was after seven and the moon was riding high by the time Alicia’s boss had
finished with her.
“Damn him to hell!” Grabbing her coat, she burst
into the outside world and started to run, but in her six-inch heels this
wasn’t easy. As she lurched along, she
seethed. “The bastard…tonight, of all nights, to make me work late. I hope he dies, screaming in agony. And soon
too!”
Blood flooded her cheeks and her eyes glittered. An innocent dog walker, who happened to be in
her path, caught sight of the wild-eyed figure and hastily pressed herself
against the wall, tightening the dog’s lead and dragging her pet to safety as
Alicia rushed by.
Alicia was not someone to be trifled with and such
fits of uncontrollable anger were not unusual, she’d consigned many to a fiery
demise, and tonight it was a case of touch the blue paper and stand well
clear. She had plans and her pox-ridden
boss had meddled with them. He would not
be forgiven easily and if he’d been aware of the crime he’d committed, he’d be
quaking in his brothel creepers. She
started to pant, the party started at eight and she needed to be on time if her
ploy stood any chance of succeeding.
“Oh God, I need to take some plonk…” Skidding to a halt she dived into the nearest
off licence and grabbed a bottle of Prosecco, cheap stuff but it was only a
token. Zooming up the aisle she threw a
tenner at the till and zoomed out again.
At last, she reached the end of her road, almost
there, still time for a quick shower before she donned her finery. That’s if…..well, they’d just better not,
that’s all. Just because she was their
only daughter, it didn’t mean they owned her soul. It was bad enough having to live with a
couple of ancient relics without having to be at their beck and call 24/7. So,
they were in their, nineties, so what? Was
it her fault they had her late in life?
Anyway, a lot of folk that age were perfectly hale and hearty - they
didn’t need anyone to nanny them. She
flew through the front door and pounded up the stairs.
“Alicia. Is
that you?” Not stopping, she took no
notice of her mother’s shaky voice.
Anyway! Who
did she think it was? Boris Johnson? Come to think of it, perhaps he’d be at the
party.
“Alicia?”
“Yes”, she yelled.
“What do you want? I’m in a
rush.”
“A cup of tea, would be nice dear. We’re both parched.”
“I’m late.
You know where the kitchen is surely?”
Her mother sighed and patted her husband’s hand
wondering where they’d gone wrong.
Alicia had always been headstrong, but lately she’d become worse. Her
sister had a word for it, or was it two words?
Oh well, she struggled to her
feet and reached for her cane. “I can
manage”, she thought, “as long as I’m careful with the boiling water, that
kettle is very heavy”.
Freshly showered, Alicia sat in front of the mirror
carefully painting on her party-face. As she did, she thought about the coming
evening, and in particular, a certain guy called Jeremy. She would never have imagined that plain as a well-used
flannel, Jenny, had snared such a catch.
Not only was he toned as a surfer guy, but he reeked of money. After their last meeting, she had done her
research found out his surname was Coollaire, as in “Coullaire Electricity, Oil
and Gas Heating Co. Ltd and they were loaded. His father, was now Sir William and the family
had their sticky fingers in lots of pies.
Just fancy being married to the only son of that family. She looked
around her room noticing, not for the first time, how dingy it was; she’d do
anything to get out of this dump. Her lip curled like a cat being sick as she saw
strands of cobwebs decorating the walls.
Why, on earth, didn’t her mother do something about them?
Her thoughts reverted to Jeremy. He fancied her, she knew he did, a girl
always knows. At their first meeting his eyes almost fell out of their sockets
but he didn’t stand a chance, poor love, with that Jenny guarding him like a
tigress. And she needed to. Whatever had possessed her to wear that
unfortunate dress? Made her look like a
clown.
Alicia sat back and studied her reflection, pouting
her full lips she fluttered her eyelashes.
“Looking good, girl! Jenny doesn’t stand a chance”. As she slipped into a skin-tight dress she
imagined slinking towards Jeremy, her lips curved into a seductive smile.
Suddenly she caught sight of the clock and sprang
into action. She needed to get a move on
if she was going to snap him up before some other bitch did. At
last, sliding her feet into a pair of strappy party shoes, she was good to go.
It wasn’t far to the venue; it was just that she
found it so difficult to walk in her shoes which she was beginning to have
serious doubts about; maybe she should have got a size larger but Alicia was
sensitive about the size of her feet.
Gritting her teeth she tottered along, trying to ignore the pain. At last, she came to a fork in the road where
there was a choice to be made. If she
turned left, she would continue following the road that curved and would take
longer but if she continued straight on, she could cross the field which was
more direct. It was a dry night with no
cloud, she looked up to make sure and as she did, she saw an oblong shape
hovering in the sky. Strange, she
thought it looked like some sort of doorway, iridescent pink and fuzzy, pretty
really. Vaguely, she wondered what it
was, maybe some sort of drone? Although
she wasn’t normally imaginative, the word portal flashed into her mind. She pushed the thought away as she looked up,
the night was calm and clear, it obviously wasn’t going to rain, so she’d
chance the field. With that in mind, unknowingly
she took her first step into another life.
***
Professor Zoort studied his latest specimen. He was searching for a prime example of the
species homo sapiens, at present inhabiting the planet known as Earth. So far, he’d been unsuccessful. His criteria was strict – to be of any use to
him they needed a flawless skeletal system, flawless intestinal system and flawless
nervous system. It was obviously asking
too much. There was an awful lot of
disease in the creatures he had studied so far.
Heart disease, lung disease, crooked backs, deformities of all kinds, he
had almost given up. They were obviously
a thoroughly inbred and unhealthy race; either their brain was let down by
their bodies or vice versa. His tongue
flicked in and out of his mouth with exasperation. No wonder their planet was on the brink. However, there was always hope. With a soft hiss, he picked up his
ossiculator. As he began to work, his skin
lightened as his mood improved. The body
in front of him looked promising. Although
he still couldn’t get used to his feeling of revulsion at the creatures’
physiology, the lack of a third eye for instance, so far, his instrument had
picked up no anomalies. It seemed to be a perfect example of an, admittedly
primitive, life form and both his hearts started to beat faster. However, when he reached the creature’s
brain, the red warning light at the tip of the ossiculator began to flash and disappointed,
his skin darkened to emerald. There was
always something, even this superb specimen was marred and useless for his research.
His ossiculator began to buzz as well as flash, and if the professor had any
eyebrows, he would have raised them.
There was obviously something seriously wrong inside this specimen’s
cranium. Now, Professor Zoort was an Eriscean
of some note and top of his field. As
such, he sometimes felt he lacked challenges. To put it bluntly, he was bored,
the intricacies of space time continuums had that effect on him. Slowly, he flexed his digits, and, feeling
magnanimous, decided to sort out this creature’s problems. Picking up a blade of metal as thin as a
strand of silk, he opened up Alicia’s skull and peered inside. At first the tangled mass of neurons appalled
him but he tutted and carried on and the scientist within him soon took over as
he delicately untangled her neurons and tidied up the havoc inside Alicia’s head,
all the time making a strange hooting noise which was as near to humming as he
could manage. Even so the sun had risen and gone down again before he’d
finished and all was tickety-boo.
***
Alicia’s mother sat before a roaring fire inside a
room that gleamed with polished wood. A
fresh cup of tea steamed by her side and she could smell the delicious odour of
roasting vegetables coming from the kitchen where her daughter was bustling
about. She should have been content but
she wasn’t. Ever since Alicia had been found
unconscious in a field, an unopened bottle of Prosecco still clasped in her hands,
she felt she was living inside a surreal dream from which, one day, she would
be abruptly shaken awake. For things were
not normal. Ever since Alicia had regained consciousness and, much to her
mother’s astonishment, had clasped her in her arms before showering her with
kisses, the old lady had waited in dread for the old Alicia to return. She took a sip of her tea but it didn’t calm
her. Alicia had started to make that
strange hooting noise again. She had
worked out that it meant that Alicia was happy but then again, it wasn’t
normal. There were other things as well, the slight
greenish tinge to her skin that she wondered if other people had noticed and,
of course, the vegetables. Formerly an
avid carnivore, Alicia now declared that eating meat was murder and instead
concocted strange vegan dishes which, although delicious, were yet another sign
that things were not as they had been. On edge the whole time, the old lady waited, in
dread, for the norm to revert. Truly,
there is no pleasing some people.
However, unknown to anyone on Planet Earth, in the
process of restoring order to Alicia’s cerebellum, a particle of Professor
Zoort’s DNA had infiltrated that of the young woman and this accounted for the
changes her mother had noted. It seems that Professor Zoort was not as
clever as he thought he was. Or was he?
As to that, only time will tell.
Copyright Janet
Baldey