DAWN CHORUS

 DAWN CHORUS ~ (OVER SOUTH WOODHAM FERRERS)

By Peter Woodgate 

Oh no, not another “lovey-dovey” (excuse the pun) description of birdsong in the morning, I bet your thinking.

Well, you would be wrong. 

I am going to tell you about the awful cacophony emanating from those little feathered creatures that repeatedly defecate over my freshly cleaned car, and, by flying at an approach angle of exactly 45 degrees, manage to splatter my nice clean windows and frames. 

I set my alarm clock early these days so as not to miss a word they are tweeting.

Yes, that’s right, Words. Over the last two years I have managed to decipher all those tweets, trills, coos and chirps and, consequently, now understand exactly what they are planning. Only yesterday I heard them discussing the day’s strategy.

I remember, clearly, it was the Wood Pigeons that started the ball rolling closely followed by the Magpies and Starlings. The Collared Doves took a back perch whilst the Robins, Tits and Finches had no issues and went their separate ways.

I listened, carefully, as the following plan was agreed.

No 1 Ashman Row

Their car had just been cleaned at the manual car wash, this was considered a waste of water which could endanger the bird population.

The punishment would be two pass-overs with random splatter.

No 15 Ashman Row

3 cats residing at this address, they are called Mangler, Killer and Mugsy. “be careful here comrades,” one of the pigeons piped up, “when their keepers call them in for tea they become Ginger, Fluffy and tiddles.”

“Thanks for that,” the head pigeon went on, “but whatever their names it appears they have been terrorizing the chicks that have recently left the nest.”

“The punishment is to be a repeated flyover of the shed (their favourite sleeping place) this should ensure that they all take unwanted additives back to their Master and Mistress, (house proud, you know).”

No 16 Asman Row

The indiscriminate cutting down of two Leylandi, thus destroying five nests.

Capital punishment was requested here, or at least, the pecking out of eyes.

However, they settled for the lesser option of storing up with berries of a nice dark blue or black colouring. They would then pepper the new white car and recently installed double-glazed frames.

No 17 Ashman Row (oh that’s me)

Failure to refill the feeder with expensive wild bird food used some cheap old stuff from Asda’s.

The punishment, (I held my breath here)

Repeated flyover of freshly oiled wooden garden furniture.

I leapt out of bed, went out in the garden and covered it up. I made the mistake, however, of looking up as I gave them a V sign, haven’t been able to see out of that eye since.

So, there it is, I lay in bed in the mornings listening to the prophets of gloom.

I should, of course, look to get my own back on these foul fowls but I am a softy when it comes to our little feathered friends and would not wish to harm them in any way.

I struggle to suppress a smile however, as I pass my neighbour’s doorstep and spot a pile of freshly chewed feathers.

Copyright Peter Woodgate  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ROCKETMAN

by Richard Banks    

On my final day at school, the ritual of the school leavers’ assembly was held, certificates of one kind or another were handed out and the headmaster addressed the impatient escapees with an inspirational message that would have been better directed at zealot missionaries about to convert the heathen. I still remember his assertion that our school days were just the beginning of our education which would continue throughout our lives. I think he must have been referring to the university of life, to the life experiences that steadily and imperceptibly add to our knowledge of the world and its people. At the time I thought he was extolling the virtues of lifelong evening classes and the words, ‘you must be kidding mate’ flittered across my mind. What flittered through it next I don’t recall, but thoughts of evening classes were not to return for another four years. When they did it was because I had come to realise that learning was only a chore if you were required to do it.

      My voluntary return to formal education occurred when a local Institute advertised a new course in the history of London - the City of London to be precise. It rang all the right bells, appealing to my lifelong interest in English history and my recently acquired fascination with the City, where I now worked. I enrolled, and in the course of some thirty sessions, an engaging panorama of London life unfolded. Its success prompted the College to run a follow-up course on Georgian London, after which our tutor departed and a new man, Professor Troutman, took his place. The Professor was engaged to be our guide through Victorian London. To the disappointment of those attending, the Professor’s geographic concept of London stretched no further west than Aldgate Pump, while his idea of the average Londoner comprised a long list of socialist revolutionaries who had at some point sought refuge in the East End. Having failed to convert us to the revolutionary cause, he too departed, to later appear on the nation’s TV screens as a historical pundit. The college, noting the declining numbers attending his lectures, decided to run no further courses on the Capital’s history.

      This left me with the dilemma of what to do next. By now I had become an evening class junky and was prepared to try any subject in order to get my fix. After closely examining the college prospectus I decided to enrol on a course entitled, ‘The Asian World of Meditation and Levitation’. I suppose it would never have occurred to me to do so had it not been for the Beatle’s flirtation with transcendental meditation under the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. For a few months everything Indian was in vogue and the first session of the course was attended by over thirty persons seeking the inner light that apparently came after many hours of sitting cross-legged on the floor.

     The tutor selected to take us on this spiritual journey was the Maharishi Matatashe, otherwise known to the local populace as Mr Singh of the Bombay Tandoori in Walthamstow High Street. At the beginning of each session, he would hand out fliers for his restaurant and then instruct us to contemplate various objects in the classroom as they might appear in orbit around the moon. To facilitate our meditative state he would strum a sitar, chanting hypnotic mantras in Hindi, which he had written on the blackboard with English subtitles. After six weeks, several students complained that they wanted to travel around a more interesting planet. Mr Singh, sensing that he was beginning to lose his audience, wisely decided that our meditational skills were sufficiently developed for us to move on to levitation.

      The first session was curiously like the meditation, in that we were required to visualise objects in space, but this time we were to imagine that we were travelling towards them. In order to achieve the intense mental effort that was needed to thrust ourselves upwards, we were told to shut our eyes and maintain complete silence at all times. Mr Singh began each levitational ascent, as he called it, by slamming the door of the classroom and ending it an hour or so later by slamming it a second time. Those students of a cynical disposition later expressed doubts as to whether Mr Singh was actually in the room between the slamming of doors. He was certainly very quiet, but I prefer to believe that he was in the sixth stage of inner karma, known as Karmadowna. My faith in our tutor was confirmed three weeks later when I saw him levitating several feet above the blackboard, although I can not discount the possibility that I may have been asleep. By the tenth session, I felt the weight of gravity slackening and a delighted Mr Singh confirmed that I had risen two centimetres above ground level. His attempts to convince other students that they too had ‘gone solo’ were greeted with scepticism by those less accomplished than myself. Indeed, several of them expressed dissatisfaction with Mr Singh’s teaching methods and threatened to report him to the College Principal.

      Mr Singh’s reputation was vindicated by an event as unexpected as it was dramatic. During the fourteenth session, the collective peace of fifteen persons pursuing various objects through various galaxies was interrupted by a loud thud and a shower of white debris from above. Awoken from our contemplative states, we looked up to see the flailing legs of one Herbie Lechenstein protruding from the ceiling. It later transpired that he had become tired of drifting around in space, and instead visualised himself strapped to the outside of an Apollo moon rocket. He was a keen astronomer and had watched all the space launches broadcast on TV. He knew every stage in the launch process and when he saw the engine ignite and the rocket begins to lift off above a cushion of orange flame he also took off with a sudden velocity that found his upper half peering into the ladies gymnastics class. The ladies were not amused, and neither was the Principal, who threatened to sue Herbie for criminal damage. The class was subsequently terminated and we received a partial refund of our fees. Herbie sustained a severe concussion and to the best of my knowledge never ‘flew’ again. Indeed, I understand that the incident so unnerved him that he could not bring himself to close both eyes for nearly two weeks.

     For my part, I have continued to practice the levitational techniques taught by Mr Singh. Although I have yet to make the breakthrough briefly experienced by Herbie, I consider it my greatest gift that in over forty years I have yet to wear out a single pair of shoes. So much is owed to further education.

                                                                                      Copyright Richard Banks 

Abbalar Tales ~ 33

 Abbalar Tales ~ 33 Awakening 2

By Len Morgan

"Who are you," a male voice demanded as Asba materialized in Genna's dream.   He ignored the man.

"Genna!" he yelled.

The man stood directly in front of Asba refusing to give way, "I aksed you a question," he said in a threatening manner, waving a heavy blade.  

Asba hit him, with all his might, plumb on the point of his nose, the man collapsed on the floor and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.   "That’s for the scar you gave me," He said glancing at his hand. He proceeded along a subterranean tunnel hewn from solid rock.   He stopped every fifty yards, under a flaming torch to call out her name.   This was not what he had expected at all, he passed twenty ensconced torches and began to wonder if he had taken the wrong direction.   There were no doors, windows, or branching passages.   He walked on into the distance, calling and listening, but there was no reply.   He fancied he could see a flickering light ahead.   As he drew closer he heard a noise, he increased his pace.   There was a scuffling sound, then he saw a cut-in to his left.   It was around ten feet deep, illuminated by torches.   A scantily clad young woman hung several feet above the ground, enmeshed in an enormous web.   The more she struggled to get free, the more she became enmeshed in its sticky cords.   She uttered small animalistic noises, certainly nothing equating to language as he knew it.   He hurried to disentangle her, knife in hand.   After only three steps, however, he bumped into a vertical sheet of solid reflective material.   Thinking it a mirror of sorts he turned about expecting to see the young woman behind him.   Instead, he found himself in a large well-lit domed chamber, the tunnels were gone.   He was confronted by a tall dark-haired voluptuary, dressed shoulder to heels in an iridescent black material, reminiscent of the chitinous carapace of an exotic beetle.  Her skin was the colour of golden honey, her eyes a deep dark brown, almost black.   Her full lips were a deep plum red, and her slim lithe form moved easily with the grace of a feline.   Who was she?   He found himself curiously warmed and tingling, his breathing became more rapid and his pupils dilated, he was strangely and surprisingly excited by her close proximity in a way he had not experienced, for many years, not since his youth.   She moved gracefully within touching distance, appraising him with an amused playful expression on her face, she stood a head taller than he and appeared to be looking down her nose at him.

"As I recall you always held back, keeping your distance from me" her voice was both husky and melodious, "I half expected Aldor to come."

 "I - I'm sorry, have we met?"   He asked, tongue-tied, like a fumbling adolescent.

She chuckled, a musical sound like a bubbling stream.

"You are inside my mind?   I would judge you know me better than most."

His eyes widened, yes there was better than a faint passing resemblance between this woman’s features and those of the new Genna he had seen but briefly before entering her mind.   There was no pretense or exaggeration, the biggest differences were her fluid movements, and her eyes…   "You are in danger!" he blurted.  “This is a dream…"

"Danger, from whom, or should I say what?"   She derided him, “that childish nightmare?   I put an end to that charade days ago, in dream time, so wildly ridiculous.   I have spent most of my time amusing myself waiting for you to come to rescue me."   She leaned slowly and deliberately towards him, placing a kiss lightly on his cheek.

"I'm an old man" he began.

"Not here," she said.

He looked down at himself, she had spoken true.

 

They made love, hungrily and roughly, then gently and lovingly.   Finally, after many hours, they lay back content, passion slaked they talked.

"You always seemed so warm and inviting to others, yet managed to find excuses not to be alone with me," she said in a playful voice that also managed to convey a longstanding hurt.  

"Was it really that obvious?"

"You don't deny it then?"

"You were such a beautiful child, fresh and young, bright, impressionable, yet vulnerable.   It would have been so easy to take advantage by exploiting the situation, but that was something I would, could never do.   Invariably girls outgrow their childhood infatuations and find young men closer to their own age, one with whom they could happily share the rest of their life.   At which time they are invariably grateful to the older man, the one-time object of their fantasies, for being able to resist the temptation," he explained.

"You’re a fool!"  she chided.   "I was expecting a young man I am very fond of, but he has only ever been a substitute.   You have always been my one and only love.   How many of those other young women would have felt as I do?   How do you think their men would feel if they realized they were only second choice,” she asked? reaching out for him again.   "Come here!" she commanded.

"It's your dream," he said with a warm smile and he obeyed.

Much later, the conversation continued.   "Was it worth the wait?" he asked.   She smiled.

"You never married, that is regrettable, you should be passing on all those good qualities to future generations, but there is still time." She added.

Even in a dream, he found himself intoxicated by the scent of her skin, he was conscious of her closeness, even with his eyes closed, that was why he had always tried to keep his distance from her lest he swallow her up in his own ego and never let her develop as she should and obviously had.   In dream time, they were both teacher, and pupil, in the art of love.    Unencumbered by physical limitations of the flesh they lived a lifetime in each other's arms, making up for lost time, a matter of moments in real-time.

When finally they materialized beside Skaa, just beyond the portal, the future of Corvalen was assured.

.-…-. 

From the control center, Aldor was able to look out and scan their minds.   He knew immediately that Genna was lost to him, assuming he'd ever stood a chance with her, but they could still remain friends.   Would he dare tamper, to influence her feelings?  

(to be continued)

Copyright Len Morgan

 

 REVENGE PORN

By Rosemary Clarke

What's happened to the men out there?
Have you forgotten how to care?
The girlfriend that you used to love
Is filmed and ridiculed to prove
What?  Your selfish ego, pride?
We understand you're hurt inside
By treating it the adult way
Who knows you may be friends someday.
You don't know who will see the pics
Perverts looking just for kicks
You loved her once, she's hurting too
What is it that's got into you?

I watched a programme on people stealing nude photos and putting them on the net wherever they wanted.  One man slept with his girlfriend and took photos of her naked while she slept; this is revenge porn and I was incensed!

 

 A Cold Caller 

By Sis Unsworth

One December evening, we heard the doorbell ring,

“Who is going to answer that?” dad said with a grin.

He knew no one would leave, the cosy heated room,

and go out to the front door, and face the winter gloom.

Then uncle Fred attempted, but said he was in pain,

his hip replacement was still sore, he sat back down again.

Then the doorbell rang once more, but no one ventured up,

it was then that dad asked my old mum, to pour him another cup.

“The poor thing outside our front door, it’s freezing cold out there,”

aunt Mary tried to sound sincere, but we knew she didn’t care

the caller must indeed be cold, on that we did agree,

but none of us would leave the room, to go outside and see.

Mum declared “will no one go, just to our front door?

You know there’ll be more snow tonight, and no chance of a thaw.”

She then glanced around the room, with a disbelieving face,

For we were all reluctant, to leave the warm fireplace.

When you come to think on it, it really was a sin,

We all wondered who it was, but no one would give in

suddenly the ringing stopped, the caller went away.

“Someone should have answered that, was all that dad would say.”

We always blame each other, whenever the tale is told,

the one thing that we all agreed, “Whoever called was cold!”

 

Copyright Sis Unsworth

 Killer Cretins

By Natalie Hudson

The press call them covidiots

But they don't deserve a name

They should all start to accept the truth

And hang their heads in shame

This virus is a killer

It's been proven, it's a fact

They should pull their heads out of the sand

And learn to deal with that

They fail to socially distance 

They refuse to wear a mask 

It's not because they are exempt 

But people are scared to ask

This virus will infect

And it won't discriminate 

It doesn't care if you're rich or poor 

If you're kind or filled with hate 

This is no time for conspiracies 

To work out where it came from

It's a time for us to pull together 

And get this virus gone

Copyright Natalie Hudson

 

 Haiku Senryu

By Robert Kingston

his last laugh

a land rover hearse

in racing green

 

blue iris

almost a century

churning the earth

 Copyright Robert Kingston