Alexander an the folks next door Part 2

 

Alexander an the folks next door Part Two

Chapter Six 

A heavy body came flying towards them through the corn.   Becky squealed in terror but Alexander had caught a glimpse of gold-coloured fur.    The thing was certainly hairy but it wasn’t the giant.

‘Button!’ he cried.

Then he noticed the dog was carrying something and his expression changed.

‘Bad dog’ he said sternly.  ‘Drop.’

At once Button opened his mouth and a baby rabbit tumbled out onto the ground.   It looked around with a dazed look on its face and hopped slowly into the corn.

‘Is this your dog?’ Becky said

Alexander nodded.    It wasn’t exactly a lie, he thought.  After all, it was his at the moment.

‘I’ve got an idea’ he said.   ‘I think Button can show us the way out.’

He picked up the end of the lead, still attached to Button’s collar.

‘Home boy.’  He said.

Soon the stalks of corn began to thin and finally, they sighed with relief as they stepped out of the maze.   Their relief didn’t last very long.   Although they were out of the clutches of the corn, they didn’t recognise any landmarks.   Alexander couldn’t see the path that had led into the field and Becky had no idea where they were.

‘We must have come out on the wrong side of the field.’

‘I’m not going back in there’.   Becky said.

It was then they noticed a wood and Becky’ expression brightened.

‘ I recognise that’ she said.   ‘I think it’s a short cut home.’

Alexander looked at the wood and shuddered.   Its trees were huddled together and its black outline, silhouetted against the dark blue sky, reminded him of a large animal, crouched and ready to spring.

But Becky was already trotting briskly towards it.

‘C’mon.’ She said.

At first, the light from the moon shone on a narrow path leading into the wood but as the trees grew thicker, they blocked out the moonlight and the path disappeared.  Slowly, they groped their way along, trying to avoid thick tree roots twisting like snakes across the ground.

‘Are you sure you know the way?’

Becky hesitated.   Then, she nodded.

All the birds and insects were asleep and it was very quiet in the wood, apart from an occasional rustle in the undergrowth that Alexander guessed came from small nocturnal animals that only came out at night.   Once, they stopped dead in their tracks as they saw a milky white shape floating silently through the branches.

Becky clutched Alexander’s arm.

‘Is it a ghost?’ she gasped.

Alexander shook his head.

‘Don’t worry.  It’s just a barn owl.  It’s not interested in us.  It’s out hunting for mice and shrews.  Its wings are specially made so that they don’t make a noise when it flies.   We learned all about them at school.   I expect you will too when you get a bit older.’

They hadn’t gone very much further when Becky whimpered.   She stopped and clutched at her stomach.

‘I’ve got a stitch in my side and I’m tired.  I can’t walk any further.’ 

She began to cry again.

Alexander stopped.   His legs were aching too.

‘Ok.  We’ll have a bit of a rest.’

He looked around and saw a little grassy hollow by the side of a bush.   They lay down and Alexander looked upwards trying to count the stars that twinkled through the gaps in the trees.    Soon, Becky started to snore.  The sound made Alexander feel very sleepy and slowly his eyes began to close.  

Chapter Seven

The next thing he knew was that he was sitting upright, his pulse-pounding.  Something had woken him.   It was still dark, so it wasn’t the light.   He sniffed, and a delicious smell of roasting meat wafted towards him.   His mouth filled with water.   Suddenly he was ravenous, he couldn’t remember when he’d last eaten anything.   

‘Wake up.’ 

He prodded Becky and her eyes opened.  

They glanced at each other.

‘I’m very hungry’ whispered Becky.

Quietly, they scrambled to their feet and crept in the direction of the smell.

Soon they heard a crackling sound and a sort of low grunting.   Dropping to their hands and knees they crawled through the undergrowth.   Alexander parted some bushes and peered through them.

‘Look’ he whispered.

In a clearing ringed by trees, a log fire was burning.  Orange flames flickered brightly shining on the faces of two men crouched by its side.  With a start, Alexander recognised one of them.   It was the man who had followed him down the path.  If anything, he looked even more ugly now.   His face was almost entirely covered in hair and his yellow eyes glinted in the firelight as he gnawed on a lump of meat.   The man sitting next to him looked equally hideous and their table manners were very bad.  Bones were scattered everywhere and grease from the meat was running down their chins.   They were chewing with their mouths wide open and suddenly, Alexander didn’t feel hungry any more.

Silently, he let go of the bushes and mouthed at Becky.

‘Let’s go.’

He began to back out the way he had come.  Then, a thought occurred to him.  Where was Button?   The dog was nowhere to be seen.  

‘Oh, no!’ 

With a feeling of dread, he looked back through the bushes.   

 Belly low to the ground, Button was slinking towards a hunk of meat just behind the two men.  

He had nearly made it when one of the men spotted him.  With a roar of rage, he jumped up and grabbed a burning branch from the fire.  Sparks from the wood cartwheeled into the air as he hurled it at the dog.  With a startled yelp, Button ran off and immediately the two men gave chase.   Transfixed, the two stood listening to the deafening sound of snarls, shrill whines and crushed undergrowth as Button was hunted deep into the wood.

‘Poor Button.’

Becky’s face was chalky white.

‘Don’t worry.  I’m sure he can run faster than they can.’

Suddenly, Alexander had an idea.

‘Wait here a minute.’

Quickly, he sprinted towards the clearing and grabbed two chunks of the meat.

‘Here.  This will make you feel better.’

They stuffed the food into their mouths.   After chewing for a while, they could feel energy flooding through them and when they’d finished they felt ready to start walking again. 

Chapter Eight

Alexander glanced up at the sky.  It was very dark now and he realised that his mother must have found out he had disappeared ages ago.   She must be frantic with worry.  Maybe she had called the Police.  He felt a sinking sensation in his stomach when he did get back, she was going to be really angry with him.  

‘C’mon.   We’ve got to hurry’. 

He grabbed hold of Becky’s hand and started to drag her along the path.

They hadn’t gone very far when they heard a flapping sound, like wet washing drying on the line.  It was so loud and so sudden that they both stopped at once.

They looked around but couldn’t see anything.   Then, from behind a tree a dark shadow moved towards them.

Alexander’s breath caught in his throat and his mouth opened as he gasped for air. 

As the shadow drew nearer, it separated and became two figures.   They were both dressed entirely in black and their pale faces gleamed in the moonlight.

Alexander and Becky stood as if their feet were anchored to the ground.   Becky was trembling so violently that Alexander put his arm around her to hold her upright.

‘Becky, what are you doing out here?’

Alexander felt Becky’ body stiffen and saw a look of joy and amazement appear on her face. 

‘Dad?’ 

Becky struggled out of Alexander’s grasp.

Suddenly Alexander realised something was very wrong.

‘Becky, come back,’ he cried.   ‘It’s not…..’

‘What’s wrong Alexander?’

 The other figure used his mother’s voice and Alexander was suddenly furious.  

‘How dare you.  You’re not my mother!’  he shouted.

He was so angry, he completely forgot to be scared.

The figures took a step towards them and Alexander saw that they were male and female.   The woman was very beautiful with long glossy black hair and deep red lips.

‘Please don’t be angry with us.’

Her voice was soft and sweet and Alexander felt himself calming down.

‘We impersonated your parents so that you wouldn’t be frightened.  We’re             sorry if we upset you.’

‘What do you want?’

 ‘We believe, you have something that belongs to us.’

‘What?’

‘Our dog.’

‘Button?’   Alexander was amazed.

The man chuckled.

‘We call him Fang.’

Alexander’s mind whirled as he struggled to understand.

‘But Button lives next door to me’.

‘That’s right and so do we.’

‘But…..’ he stuttered, trying to understand.

‘We’re your neighbours,’ the woman said gently, ‘and Button, as you call him, is our dog, Fang’.

Alexander shook his head.  Gathering all his courage, he opened his mouth and the words flooded out.

‘Then, why don’t you look after him properly?  Why don’t you take him out  and why don’t you groom him?’

The man interrupted.

‘But we do, we take him out at night.’

‘We always go out at night.’   The woman said gently.  ‘That’s why you never see us.’

Alexander stared at them.  He remembered a book he had taken out of the library recently.  It had really scared him.   It was all about creatures who looked human but who only went out at night.   They were called.

‘Vampires.’

The couple spoke, both at once.  They must have read his mind.

Alexander’ legs shook.   He couldn’t believe his ears.

‘You’re vampires?’ he whispered.

‘That’s right. I’m, Japhet. This is Elvira.’  The man’s voice was friendly.

Alexander thought he was going to faint as he remembered what vampires liked to eat.

Again, Japhet read his mind.

‘There’s no need to worry.   You’re quite safe.  We don’t drink human blood.   We used to, in the Old Days, but we’re more civilised now.  We get our nourishment from small animals, mostly rabbits.  Fang helps us to catch them.’

With a start, Alexander remembered the grey fluff on Button’s fur.

‘I think that’s cruel. I’ve got a pet rabbit.  I call him Flopsy’. 

Becky’ voice was a bit wobbly but it was loud and clear and Alexander felt very proud of her.

‘Fang only chases wild rabbits.   And they don’t feel a thing.   It’s very quick and then they go to Rabbit Heaven.   Every creature has a purpose you know.  By the way, where is Fang?’

Chapter Nine

Alexander started to feel frightened again.   They would be angry when they found out.   They would think he hadn’t been looking after Button properly.

He looked down at the floor and muttered in a low voice. 

‘Some nasty hairy men were in the woods.  Button stole some of their meat and they chased him through the trees.’

To his surprise, Elvira laughed.

‘Oh, you mean the werewolves. They’re very low and stupid creatures.

They can’t make up their minds whether they are men or wolves.  Don’t worry,  Fang will have no problem getting away from them.’

Just then, a golden streak flashed into the clearing.

‘Fang!.   Elvira held out her arms.

The dog rushed towards her, wagging his whole body.  Making excited little yipping noises he jumped up and tried to lick her face.

He was so pleased that Alexander realised they had been telling the truth.  He was their dog.

 Japhet and Elvira turned to the children.

‘All’s well, that ends well’, they said.  ‘Now, we have to get you home.’

Alexander’s worry must have shown in his face.

‘What’s wrong.’ Elvira asked.  ‘Don’t you want to go home?’

Alexander shuffled his feet.

‘Mum’s going to be so mad at me,’ he muttered.   ‘I didn’t actually tell her I was going out and I’m supposed to be sick.’

Japhet laughed.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said kindly.   ‘Time does funny things when we’re around,’  he winked at Alexander.  ‘Come on, jump up.’

Alexander loved going on the Big Dipper at the Fair but that wasn’t half so much fun as being whisked through the air on the back of a vampire.  He remembered feeling the softly scented night air streaming by him but he must have been more tired than he realised because when he next opened his eyes, he was back in his own bed. 

Chapter Ten

‘I must have fallen asleep,’ he thought.

Then, things got even stranger.  His bedroom door opened and in walked his mother carrying a tray.

‘How are you feeling now, dear?’ she asked.  ‘Do you think you can manage some tomato soup for lunch?’

Lunch? But it had been night just now.  It must have all been a dream, Alexander thought.   He was surprised at how disappointed he felt.

His mother put the tray down.

‘Call me if you want anything else,’ she said.

Just then, she looked down at his bedroom floor and a puzzled expression appeared on her face.

‘What are these doing here?’

She bent down and picked up his combats.  They were crumpled and covered in mud and twigs. 

His mother clicked her tongue with annoyance.

‘These are dirty.  What a nuisance, I must have forgotten to put them in the wash.’

After his mother had left the room, Alexander lay working things out.   It hadn’t been a dream.  His muddy clothes proved that.    He remembered Elvira and Japhet saying that time did funny things when they were around.   They must have turned the clocks back somehow.   He let out a huge, excited sigh, so he really did have vampires living next door to him. He scrambled out of bed and ran to the window.  Leaning out as far as he dared, he caught a glimpse of Button in his usual place outside his kennel.  

The dog looked up at him, then his jaws opened in a doggy smile and Alexander could have sworn he winked.

Then, he lifted his muzzle to the sky and Alexander realised that he wasn’t howling.   He was singing.

ENDS
 

Copyright Janet Baldey

Len's Diary Excerpt (1) 1999

 

Lens Diary ~ Observation ~ (01) ~ 01/06/99

Shop doorway Romford Market Sat 29/05/99 Time 13:33.

 A swarthy unshaven young man in his early twenties sits on a worn grey felt blanket.  His grubby hands held out to the bustling shoppers passing by.

A black & white collie-cross dog, sharing his blanket, gazes up at him with adoration in its eyes.

He opens his battered Army surplus pack, removes a pop bottle filled with clean water.  He looks into the dog’s big brown eyes and smiles.  The dog licks his face as he produces a tin soup bowl.  He fills the bowl with water.  The dog drinks greedily.  Their eyes meet again and the man pours more water, taking a shallow swallow from the bottle himself.  A third of the water remains and at a telepathic entreaty, this too is emptied into the bowl.

“Ere you are mate,” a cheery Cockney voice chirps and a hamburger is wedged into the Youngman’s hand.  He waits until the dog has finished drinking, then he breaks the burger in two, offering half to his companion.  He watches as the dog swallows, then breaks his half again; half to the dog and half for himself.  He eats slowly, relishing his portion, licking his fingers.

A passer by wrinkles his nose – Judging.  A young woman smirks – Judging…      

(Judge not less ye be judged?)

 Answer some/all the following questions in a story between 300 & 1000 words send them to Len:

(a)          What are you thinking?  What feelings does this invoke in your mind?

(b)          What do you think the passer-by is thinking?

(c)           What is the smirking woman thinking?

(d)          What is the young man thinking?

(e)          What is the dog thinking?

(f)            Why are they there?

(g)          How did they get there?

 

Into my mind comes strains of the Joan Baez song (1961) ‘There but for fortune…’

Alexander and the folk next door Part 1

 

Alexander and the folk next door ~ Part One

Janet Baldey

Chapter One 

The dog was howling again.   The mournful sound woke Alexander up.  For a moment, he couldn’t think where he was.   He blinked and lifted his head from the pillow, his eyes squinting in the sunshine that poured through the window.   He frowned, wondering why he was in bed in the middle of the day, then he remembered.   That morning, when he’d tried to eat his breakfast, his stomach had gurgled and rolled and he’d felt sick.  His mother had put her hand on his forehead and sighed.

         ‘You’d better go back to bed.  I’ll let your teacher know.’

         Now, Alexander lay, listening to the dog.      He felt sorry for it.  Day after day, it was chained to its kennel at the bottom of the overgrown garden next door.  He’d never seen anyone go near it and it must be very lonely.   He got up and walked over to the window.   The dog was quiet now.   Through a gap in the hedge, he could just see its nose resting on its paws and the glint of the thick chain that was fastened to its collar.   

   All of a sudden, Alexander had an idea.  He didn’t feel ill any more so he would take the dog out for a walk.  The dog would like that and if he was quick, he’d be back before his mother realised he’d gone.

         He started to feel excited; this was going to be an adventure.   He’d been given a pair of combat trousers and matching shirt for his birthday; he would pretend he was a soldier, on a mission to rescue the dog from the enemy.   His first task would be to get out of the house without his mother hearing him. 

He opened his bedroom door and tiptoed out onto the landing.   Downstairs, his mother was in the kitchen washing up, he could hear the chinking sound of china as she stacked the plates in the drainer.

Slowly, Alexander re-traced his steps.   His mother had very sharp ears.   She would be sure to hear the stairs creaking as he crept down them.  Somehow, he would have to think of another way to get out of the house. 

           He opened his bedroom window and stuck his head out.   The ground looked so far away, it made him feel dizzy but when he turned his head, he could see a drainpipe.  It was fixed to the wall very close to his windowsill and ran all the way down to the ground.   He suddenly had a great idea.   He would climb down it.  It couldn’t be that difficult, they were always doing it in films.   Taking a deep breath, he stepped out onto the window ledge and shuffled along until he could wrap both arms and legs around the rough metal pipe.  Clinging on tightly he wriggled his bottom until he started to slide downwards.   Cool air whizzed by him as he went faster and faster until his arms ached and he couldn’t hold on any longer.  He yelled, let go and dropped like a stone towards the ground. 

 

Chapter Two 

Oof.   All Alexander’s breath was knocked from his body.   He lay flat on his back, gasping.   When he got his breath back, he moved his arms and legs gently.  He didn’t seem to be hurt.   He was lying on something soft and suddenly he realised what it was.  It was the pile of sand left behind after the builders had built the patio.   He grinned with relief.   It could have been a lot worse.   He could have landed on the concrete.

         He gazed up at the bright blue sky spreading like a huge umbrella above him.   Then, he remembered the dog and rolled onto the ground.   His legs felt shaky as he walked towards the fence.  It was old and worn and the planks leaned against each other as if they were tired.  There were plenty of spaces big enough for him to squeeze through.

         As he got near to the kennel, the dog sat up and watched him.   Its tail started to thump the ground, sending little puffs of dust up into the air.  Alexander thought its eyes reminded him of the buttons sewn into the face of his little cousin’s teddy bear.   He decided to call the dog Button.

         ‘Hi, Button.’

         The dog opened its mouth and licked Alexander’s hand with its wet tongue.

         Alexander laughed and wiped the slobber onto the back of his trousers.

         He patted the dog’s bristly fur and it whined with delight and tried to jump up but the chain held it firmly.   Alexander examined its clasp and decided it wouldn’t be too difficult to undo but he would need some sort of lead.  In the end, he looped the belt of his trousers through the dog’s collar.  That should work, as long as his trousers didn’t fall down.

         The dog started to yelp with excitement.  Alexander put a finger to his lips.

         ‘SSh, Button.  We don’t want anyone to hear us?’ 

         Alexander looked at next doors’ house at the far end of the neglected garden: every one of its windows was covered by a thick, dark, blind.    It looked as if it was sleeping.  There were no signs of life.   He had never set eyes on the people who lived there.   Nor, had his parents.   They called them ‘Our mysterious neighbours.’

  He glanced down at Button.   The dog’s eyes were fixed on him adoringly.  He noticed that its thick golden fur was covered in a greyish fluff.

         ‘They don’t even bother to groom him.’  Alexander thought.   He bent down to undo the chain. 

 

Chapter Three 

 As soon as Button was released, he was off.  Alexander just had time to grab the lead as Button tore past him, down the driveway and out of the gate. 

‘Button, slow down!’

 But Button took no notice and pulled Alexander along behind him.   They were heading towards his house and Alexander started to panic.  He’d never meant to go this way.  It would be awful if his mother happened to look out of the window and saw him.  His legs barely keeping up with the dog, Alexander bent his head and stared at the ground as they raced past.   He fully expected his mother to give a yell and bang at the window but to his relief, there was silence apart from the thud of his feet on the pavement.

Soon, his house disappeared from sight and Alexander could see the park in the distance.  Bordered by high metal railings, its winding paths trailed across brown grass withering in the sun. 

‘Oh, so Button wants to go to the park,’ he thought.

 But, to Alexander’s surprise, Button ignored the park gates.  He zoomed past them and shot down a side road.  Alexander had never been that way before.   Alexander’s legs started to ache, he began to puff and sweat rolled down his face.   As

he struggled to keep up with Button, he noticed the neighbourhood had changed.  The houses on this road looked as if they needed painting.  They were crammed close together, separated only by chain-link fences that sagged in the middle.   

All of a sudden, Button changed direction and whizzed down an alleyway between two houses.   The narrow passage eventually led on to a path bordered by thick clumps of ryegrass.   Nestling between the coarse grass, discarded bottles and cans shone in the sun and Alexander sighed.   Button seemed to have a taste for rough places.   But soon, they left the rubbish behind and the path became a winding track.   As they charged along Alexander’s mouth dropped open in horror as he suddenly saw a thick mass of stinging nettles blocking his way.  

‘Button.  Stop!’

Alexander hollered at the top of his voice but Button took no notice.  Before Alexander had time to think he was being pulled straight through the nettles.

‘Ouch!  Ouch!  Ouch!’

Tears of pain ran down Alexander’s face.   Then, just as he was thinking he couldn’t hold on any longer, Button stopped so suddenly that Alexander ran slap bang into him.   They both fell sprawling onto the ground and for a moment Alexander saw stars as his head hit the ground.    Button turned his head, gave Alexander a sloppy kiss and wriggled out from beneath him.   He plonked his bottom down and sat staring straight ahead, his whole body quivering with excitement.

  Alexander struggled to his feet.   The path led to the edge of a steep slope.  At the bottom of the slope, there was a field of maize stretching as far as his eyes could see.   The tall heads of the corn were swaying in the light breeze.  They shone a metallic purple in the sunshine.   He thought they looked like the massed spears of  Roman warriors waiting to go into battle.

 

Chapter Four

As he stood looking down at the field, Alexander heard the harsh sound of heavy breathing.   He looked around.   No one was in sight but now he could hear footsteps and his heart began to beat very fast.  Somebody was following them.

 Scary thoughts flashed through Alexander’s mind.   He and Button were all alone and a long way from home.    Who could it be?  Perhaps it was the Police coming to take him back to school, or it might be the stranger that he had been warned never to talk to.      He looked around for somewhere to hide.   The only place that he could see was the field of maize and quickly he slid down the steep slope, his feet skidding on the pebbly surface.

         He was just in time.    No sooner had he crouched amongst the tall stems, than a huge figure appeared.   Alexander’s father was tall but this man was even bigger.   He was also very hairy.   His head, and most of his face, was covered by thick tufts of coarse brown hair, and he had a long jutting nose.   Without glancing to right or left, the man rushed on down the path and crashed his away along the side of the field.   Alexander held his breath until the sound of his footsteps faded into the distance.

         ‘Phew.  That was close.’

         He pulled on Button’s leash.

         ‘Come on boy.  Time to go home.’              

         Button gave a low whine.  Without warning, he lunged forward and the lead was wrenched out of Alexander’s hand.

          Alexander gasped.  Button was streaking into the field as if powered by a motor.

         Alexander opened his mouth to yell but then closed it again.  If he made a noise, the strange man might hear him.   

He didn’t know what to do.   He could go home alone but then he would worry in case Button couldn’t find his way back and he knew that even a bad home was better than no home.   He realised he would have to follow Button into the field.

He stood for a moment trying to remember which way the dog had gone.  Very faintly, he could hear the sound of stems being crushed as a furry body bounded through them.   He took a deep breath and took a step in what he hoped was the right direction.

  

Chapter Five 

The further Alexander went into the maize the darker it became.   Broad, green leaves twined around stems, much taller than he was, blocking out the light from the sky.   Alexander was reminded of the church his Mother took him to every Sunday.  It was dark and gloomy but also quiet and peaceful.   He soon realised that one corn stalk looked very much like another and even worse, he couldn’t hear Button any more.    Just as he was starting to worry that he was lost, he tripped over something and landed with a bump on the cool earth.

The ‘something’ gave a squeak and sat up.  

Alexander stared.   A white face with enormous eyes stared back at him.     Alexander sighed with relief.   A small girl was huddled amongst the corn looking at him.  She looked very scared.

‘What are you doing here?’ he said.

‘Hiding.’  The girl said in a tiny voice.

‘Why?’

‘Some boys from school were chasing me.   They said they were going to put a mouse down my dress.’

‘Why would they do that?’  

‘I don’t know. I don’t think they like me.  They’re always pulling my hair’.

Her eyes began to shine with tears.

‘What’s your name?’ 

‘Becky.’

‘I’m Alexander.   I came into the corn because I’ve lost my dog.   But now I think I’m lost too.   Do you know the way out?’.

Becky shook her head.   Her tears overflowed and trickled down her face.  

‘I’ve been trying to find my way out for ages.  It’s getting late and my mum will be worried.’

Alexander realised the girl was right.  The little bit of the sky he could see above the corn was a very dark blue.   It was starting to get chilly too and he realised the sun must have gone down.

He made up his mind.

‘We’ll go this way.’

It was almost as if the corn didn’t want to let them go.   Their thick stalks crowded together making it difficult for them to squeeze through and their rubbery leaves twined around their legs.   After Becky had fallen over for the third time, Alexander started to worry.   It seemed to him as if they were walking round in circles.   He was sure they had passed that oddly shaped stone before.  He knew what it was, his father had told him.   It was called a puddingstone and Alexander thought it was because it had tiny pebbles, like raisins, embedded in it.

‘What’s that?’  Becky cried in a scared voice.

Alexander heard a crashing sound that was gradually becoming louder and louder.   Something was coming.   Alexander just hoped it wasn’t the hairy giant.

  

To be continued tomorrow

 

Copyright Janet Baldey

 

Out of Character

By Len Morgan

In the locker room of the eleventh precinct, Officer Clyde Kowalski badge #D6593 hung his uniform at the end of a long twelve-hour shift. He was unconsciously whistling a tune from his mothers favourite musical. 

Tough cop indeed he thought and he smiled self-consciously at his fellow officers, none of whom looked the least bit cheerful.

"Hey Kowalski, what's with the Mary Poppins, you goin soft on us?"

"Nah! It's Thursday night, and I gotta long-standing date."

"Well, I hope she is worthy of dat cheery dispo-zishun."

"Oh she is Harv," he smiled again thinking of Martha Swan and her flower arranging classes. 

He could just turn up with a bunch of in-season blooms, some leaves, fern and a rock or tree bark and, with her help, create a beautiful arrangement for the local Hospice that had helped his mother through her final days.

Copyright Len Morgan

BEACH BUMMER

 

BEACH BUMMER ( A Parody )

By Peter Woodgate

I must go down to the beach again

With the kids and mother-in-law,

The car will be full of clothes made of wool

Not to mention blankets galore.

 

I must go down to the beach again

To the rocks, the pebbles and sea,

Where tin cans rot and there isn’t a spot

To sit with any safety.

 

I must go down to the beach again

To the noise, the crowds and the queues,

It’s anyone’s guess where dogs leave their mess

And the oil slick sticks to my shoes.

 

I must go down to the beach again

Where lifeguards sit all day,

Deck chairs flap and the wind takes my cap

On a journey across the bay.

 

I must go down to the beach again

To candy floss, ice cream and pies,

With sand in my toes, in my mouth and my nose

In my hair, in my ears and my eyes.

 

I must go down to the beach again

For the journey is forced upon me,

Yet all I ask, is a huge hip flask

Of gin, or scotch, but not tea.

 

Copyright Peter Woodgate