To Danny Boy my son

 A letter to my deceased son, Danny:

By Barbara Thomas

“Oh Danny Boy,” so full of life and fun.

It’s been nearly three years since you went on your journey, leaving behind memories, never to be forgotten. 

“Oh Danny Boy”, why did you go so young, we miss your smile and mischievous fun. 

Looking back my lovely boy all those years, man and boy. Fun was the name of the day, laughing joking in your own familiar ways. 

Letting us know when your favourite team lost, joy and laughter when they won. 

“Oh Danny”, how we miss your voice. 

When you were first diagnosed with a Brain Tumor, your first re-action was “I bet that’s because of all the years of bundles we had at Chelsea’s football ground.” 

You were told unfortunately that you have only 4 months so it would be wise to sort out your affairs. 

Even then your reply was that, “I will beat those odds”, and so you did, “Danny Boy” after weeks of grueling chemo, radiation therapy you came through with that smile of yours. 

Four months passed we all thought that you had beaten the disease, life move on, days of hospital appointments even going to so many funerals of your friends in the cancer ward, 

Six months turned into one year, we all held our breaths. 

“Oh Danny Boy”, you surprised us all by divorcing your wife of over 30 years and married again, “shock, horror”. But then it was your life. 

One year turned into two, you carried on as normal, went up to London to have a drink or two with your mates. Making sure that every minute was covered. 

It became the 3rd year since the diagnoses. we all became complacent, surely the hospital got this wrong. 

“But Danny Boy”, you had other worries; your new partner was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

You both cuddled each other and cried.

Your new wife Rea, who happened to be an oncologist matron of all things, bravely went through her treatment, she lost all her hair, but like you Danny, she carried her pain with dignity. 

6 months later Rea had completed her treatment, her hair began to grow. 

Then the two of you decided to put the misery of the harsh treatment you had both endured to halt your cancers, and go off on a cruise, then fly to Spain and several trips on the Eurostar to France, even to Disney Land and then Belgium and other European countries. “Two people as One. 

“Danny boy,” the fourth year started well, you carried on meeting up with your mates in London having a jar or two.

Then went for a check up, and MRI - X-rays tests, when fate intervened again.

Your Oncologist Consultant sat before you to explain that another tumor had been found.

Several weeks later you were recovering from your second brain operation to be told that all was well, the tumor had been removed.

We all said a silently prayer. 

Following the weeks after your operation you had an Epilepsy fit that came out of the blue.

So it was back to the hospital to find out why that had happened. 

And my darling boy, your Consultant explained that by removing the second tumor, unfortunately it had disturbed the first large tumor that had only been partially removed. 

The next news the Consultant gave you was that you now had months maybe even weeks before you would eventually succumb to this terrible disease and he suggested that you might want to put your house in order.

We visited you at your home, and as Rea was an Oncologist Matron, she had managed to get you a hospital bed and everything needed for your care, she had to fight all the way for her to receive all these, as you had said you wanted to die at home and not in a Hospice. 

When I first saw you laying there in your bed by the open French windows, your eyes were closed. I came and sat by your side and all I could feel was peace surrounding you.

Then Danny boy you opened those beautiful blue eyes, and I remember saying to you, “do you know who I am”,

your reply immediately was, “of course you are my Mum” that was music to my ears, because weeks before you were unaware of your surroundings or people, but you did say strangely enough to your Step-dad, “are you married?” 

Well, that was all the conversation you could manage from your bed “of course you are my Mum”, but that was music to my eyes and more than enough for me and I will carry that with me to the rest of my days and when I get really low thinking of you I will remember those words for ever.

Well “Danny Boy”, the Good Lord came and took you silently when Rea had gone upstairs to get something for you.

You had fallen into a deep sleep and never woke up.

So if you are looking down my “darling Danny Boy”, you would know how loved you are and that we pray for you everyday.

Your funeral had so many of your family, friends, work colleagues and even your darts team all filled the Crematorium.

You arrived in a wicker basket draped with Chelsea colours.

You had chose, Sammy Davis, “Bo jangles”, as your entrance song, and after the service you had chosen “A wondering Star” by Lee Marvin, which was so you, and Danny every-time I hear those songs on the TV or radio, I weep silently, but I understand that going quietly into the unknown had been the best thing to happen to you taking you away from all that suffering. 

God speed you on your way my darling boy, and fly high, Amen. 

Mum xxx