WHEN AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCEED…

By Bob French

NB; For effect, words in italics are spoken in an East London accent.

Monica hurried across the thick pile carpet of the Clove Club in Shoreditch, and eased herself into the plush chair that was being held for her by a young waiter, then begged the forgiveness of Shiela for being late.

            “Anthony was using the Jaguar and it took Jim, his chauffeur ages to get back through the tunnel. So sorry darling.”

            Sheila nodded at the young waiter who quietly poured Monica a half glass of 1984, Domaine Pontifical Chateauneuf du Pape.  The most expensive wine on the list.

Monica Hollingsworth and Sheila Thornton had known each other ever since they sat together at the London Fields Primary School in Hackney, aged seven. They had become life-long friends;’ true Eastenders to the end,’ was their chant whenever they got drunk together, which was often.  The minute the young waiter left, they dropped their posh Knightsbridge accent and reverted to their Eastend dialect.

“Aint seen you for ages luv.  How’s your Harry doing?”

Sheila laughed, “They don’t call him fat Harry for nothin’. He’s putting on a lot of weight poor bugger.  He tried one of those diets but chucked it in after a week.  Said it made him feel hungry would you believe.  And your Tony?”

Monica smiled.  “Workin’ all the hours God sent, but he’s good.”

Sheila smiled. “So, what ya gonna get for ya birthday then?  Given it any thought luv?”

“Well as it ‘appens, I was down Oxford Street a coupla weeks ago and had a good look around Tiffany’s, but nuffin grabbed me, so I ‘ad a look-see in some of the other top-end jewelers, but not even a twinkle caught me eye.”

“You aint got long luv, better shift yer self.”

“Well as it happens, I wondered dan Bon Street and after avin a look around some of the usual jewelry shops I came across Frampton and Frampton, an who do you think I bumped into?”

Sheila searched Monica’s face for a clue, then gave up. “Dunno, who’d ya bump into?”

Do you remember Bob Hillsworvy?  You know, we both ad a crush on him during our first year at Hackney Secondary Modern when he was in his last term.” 

Monica studied Sheila’s face to see if she remembered. “You know, ‘e had lovely blue eyes and went out wiv that blond kid, Jill Samson.”

“Sheila gave a short scream, “Yeah, I remember him.  Didn’t ‘e get her pregnant or sumit?”

“Yep.  So getting’ back to the story.  I fancied the really nice necklace that was on display in the window so decided to wander in and have a shuftty.   I was a little shocked when I stepped into this Frampton un Frampton.  They had heavy security doors and a big bloke just inside the shop. Asked me what I was doing ‘ere?  So I told him that I was interested in the necklace in the window.”

“Wait ere miss, is all ‘e said, and went to get the manager I suppose.”

“Well I nearly wet me knickers, when who should enter the room but Bob Hillsworvy.  Well, ‘e introduced himself in a real posh accent as ‘Robert Hillsorthy, the manager,’ and enquired as what madam was interested in.”

“Did e remember you then?

“Na, don’t fink so. I described the necklace and the turned and instructed one of his staff to go get it from the window. Very impressive.   Sheila luv, it were gorgeous.   Ah remembers that if ya haveta ask the price, ya shouldn’t be in the shop, so we danced about its make-up, you know, its history, how many diamonds and who owened it before until he real discretely like, shows me the price tag.”

With excitement in her voice, Sheila whispers,“’ow much then?”

“Ten big ones.”  Before Sheila could scream out, Monica interrupted her.  “I had to ‘ave it luv.”

“So, what happened?”

“I tried to knock ‘im down, but he emphasized in his posh accent that ‘Frampton and Frampton were not in the business of bartering.  ‘The price was as stated Madam.’ So I thanked him and said that I may return, and left.”

“Well, looks like you’re stuffed.  Tony aint gonna pay out ten grand is he? so what ya gonna do?”

After they had finished their lunch, Monica suggested that they meet up in a month’s time, to celebrate her fortieth birthday.  They left the most exclusive restaurant in the East end, and after kissing each other’s checks, Sheila climbed into a waiting taxi, whilst Jim held open the rear door of her husband’s Jaguar.

“Where to Mama?”

“Do you know where my husband is at present Jim?”

“Yes Mama.  He’s at a meeting with the directors of the London Stock Exchange.  It will finish at six o’clock.  Do you want to wait for him, or do you wish me to take you home?”

“Home please.”

Once she got home, she showered, carefully applied her make-up then put on the sexy underwear and transparent night gown he had presented her for last Christmas and after chilling a Bordeaux 78, turned down the lights and relaxed to wait for him.

Tony had had a demanding meeting at Paternoster Square, the headquarters of the Exchange and felt mentally and physically tired.  A drink, a light meal, then early to bed was uppermost in his mind as Jim opened the rear door of the Jaguar.

No sooner had Tony stepped inside the front door, when Monica pounced upon him.

Tony was a little shocked at the sudden attention his wife was showering him with and as he struggled to remain upright whilst she roughly removed his clothes, immediately understood what was going on.  After what appeared to be nearly an hour on the plush rug in front of a raging log fireplace, and several glasses of wine later, he sat up and took a deep breath and stared down at her.

“Alright darling, You’ve found what you want for your birthday, is that it?”

“Oh, darling, you can read me like a book.”

“Can we leave it until Friday, then I promise you we can go and have a look at it.  Is that alright?”

Monica smiled as she took his hand and started to drag him upstairs.  “First my darling I want to thank you for being… just you, then we can have something to eat and maybe watch a movie.”

Tony was not only late for his meeting the following day, but was starving as he had missed the evening meal and breakfast.  Jim was a little surprised when asked to stop at the McDonalds on the way up to the city and grab a sausage and egg McMuffin.

Friday came and Jim dropped them off just outside Frampton and Frampton.  The heavy doors opened and the guard, who recognized Monica, buzzed for the manager.

Robert Hillsworthy appeared from the office and smiled.

“Good morning, Madam.  It is good to see you again.  Would you like to view the piece you were looking at the last time you visited us?”

“Yes please.”  Before he turned to instruct one of his staff to retrieve the necklace, Monica introduced her husband. “This is my husband, Sir Anthony Riddlesworth.”

Tony nodded to the manager and waited to view the trinket his wife fancied for her birthday.

“Good to see you Sir Riddlesworth. I must applaud your wife on her choice of jewelry.”

Robert carefully laid out the necklace then stood back.

Tony picked it up and studied it very carefully.

“How much?”

“Ten thousand pounds Sir.”

“I shall give you five.  That’s my final offer.”

“I am sorry Sir, but the policy at Frampton and Frampton is after careful inspection and consideration, the price awarded to any item is the final price.  There is no further negotiation of the price.  Ten thousand pounds is the price Sir.”

After ten minutes of discussion Tony, started too loose patience. “Look I shall make out a cheque for you right now for five thousand pounds and leave it with you.  Take it or leave it.  I shall date my cheque for next Friday.  That should give you enough time to think about it, then cash the cheque.”  With that, they left.

On the following Monday, Monica was having lunch with Enrico, the Charges d’affaires of the Spanish Embassy, an old and close friend.

“So my dear Monica. I see that your birthday is only a few weeks away.  Have you decided what you would like?”

Monica flashed her eyes at him. “Enrico, you are such a dear. I have actually.  After lunch if you like I can show you.”

Enrico smiles and raised his glass to her. “My dear, it will be an honour.

That afternoon, Enrico and Monica were greeted at the heavy door of Frampton and Frampton; shown into the viewing room where Robert showed him the necklace.  Enrico studied it for a few minutes, then turned to Robert.

“It is a beautiful piece, but not worth ten thousand pounds my friend.  I shall give you five thousand pounds for it.”

Robert went through the same arguments that Tony had, but Robert would not move.

“I shall write a cheque this moment for you for five thousand pounds.  Take it, or you may leave it.  The decision is yours. 

Robert asked Enrico to wait whilst he said he was going to speak to head office.  Five minutes later, he returned and nodded.

“Sir I have been advised by my head office that I should accept your cheque of five thousand pounds.”

As Enrico was ushered into the inner office to complete the transaction and provide his cheque, Robert quietly moved over to the counter and started to wrap the necklace in front of Monica.

When he had finished, he slid the package across the counter.  At that moment their eyes met.

“Well Monica Holingsworth, I congratulate you on acquiring such a beautiful neckless for ten thousand pounds.  I do hope you’ll enjoy wearing it.”  He paused for a second, smiled and quietly said, “Well done Luv.”

Copyright Bob French