Riddles 26

By the Riddler

 

The Riddler has two puzzles for us today:

 

No 1.  What vowel does not appear in any of the numbers between 0 & 21?

 

No 2. Which month, spelt backwards, is a vegetable?

 

Keep em coming Riddler

 

 Fred, our resident ghost. 

By Barbara Thomas

Let me tell you about our ghost, Fred.

We moved into the Lodge on December 24

The day we moved in it poured, with rain lashing down against

The windows. Our furniture was soaked, we were soaked through. Good start for a move, this carried on all over the weekend.

We went to put the electrics and central heating on, nothing worked. 

So we had no option to go into a nearby hotel.

I phoned the company that had installed our boiler but they couldn’t come out until Monday

Strike 1 to Fred!

 

Strike 2. After the plumber had sorted out the heating and told

us how to turn the electricity on.

We woke up 3 days later to find we had no water.

 

I spoke to our next door neighbour who told us about the man

who not only lived here but had built the Lodge.

Apparently when his wife went into hospital and later sadly

died, Fred became a recluse not allowing anybody to help

him.  The garden is a wrap around garden and eventually

Became a wilderness.

He refused the council to add cladding and in general

never went far and stayed in doors most of the time.

It was very much his Lodge.

 

Then I realised that “Fred” was not going to give up his home

Lightly, even in death.

 

Once I realised what I was up against, when ever things

went wrong without any reason, I knew it was Fred.

The shower flooded. The taps in kitchen and bathroom

Leaked. That we sorted.  Strike 3

 

We got the plumber to replace taps etc.  Sorted!

Next we noticed water in the passage it turned out the mastic, for

What ever reason, had perished.

Once more in came the plumber. Sorted!

During the winter we were told that BT would supply

Internet and landline. We then got a text that they were unable

to carry out the job until the middle of January

That meant no TV or Landline. UGH!

So, again we moved to a Hotel.

 

The strangest thing was I had used the 2nd bedroom

as my office and dressing room.

Both my computer and my printer broke down?

My husband purchased a new computer and printer

that worked in the living room but not in 2nd bedroom!?

My great grandson will not go in that room, he says there

Is a man in there. My granddaughters’ dog won’t go in there either

he will race around but stops dead at the door.

 

I believe “Fred’s” being is still in our home but, things are getting better. I think he has finally realised what ever he throws at us we are prepared…

 

Copyright Barbara Thomas

 

THE BUCKET LIST

 THE BUCKET LIST

By Bob French

The main sitting room of the Dickens Care Home just outside Purleigh, was buzzing as Jane, the head nurse sounded the evening gong.  Those who had booked their place to watch ‘Gone with the wind’ in the upstairs lounge, for the eighth time, started to make their way out of the sitting room.

          The card and domino players left by the west wing to play in the conservatory, whilst Nancy and Albert waited for the mass exodus to settle down.

          After a few minutes, Albert stood and addressed the remaining eight gentle folk as he sometimes referred to them.

          “Right, everyone, we have just two months left before we declare the winner of the Dickens Care Home Bucket List Champion of 2019.”  Everyone applauded their achievements. Nancy stood, and with a huge grin on her face read from her millboard. “Pamela, you have completed two of your quests, Billy you have completed three; Owen you have only completed one, but as you know it is still being adjudicated by the committee as stealing ladies’ underwear from washing lines is not considered in keeping within the rules of the competition. Jill, you Harry and Mavis have yet to complete any of your challenges. Frances and Paul, you both have four a piece and William and Janet you both have nine each, so it looks like it’s between you two.  The first to complete their last quest will become this year’s champion.”  Everyone applauded again as some of their challenges were rather scarry.

          Nancy looked at William. “I understand that you are being held up by the weather for your tandem parachute jump, and Janet,” She paused as she re-read from her notes. “I don’t understand. “A walk into the past?”

          Janet smiled and gently nodded to Nancy. “It’s a surprise, so I shan’t let on love if that’s alright.”

          That night Janet paid a visit to her closest friend, Gwenavere, who dabbled in the dark arts. Tea leaves, dice and tarot cards.

          Gwenavere could see the pain in Janet’s eyes and nodded her towards a soft arm chair.  “How you feeling Love.” Janet had been suffering from osteoarthritis for a long time and found sanctuary in the little bags of herbal medicine that Gwenavere would dispense to those who needed to get through the day.  Without being asked, she put the kettle on and passed Janet a small bag of marijuana and watched her sprinkle it into a warm cup of Chamomile tea. This, she found that it would drive away the pain and allow her to sleep peacefully. “Now what date are you planning your last quest my love?”

          Janet looked up at her friend. “I was thinking of All Hallows’ Eve. I wouldn’t stand out.”

          Gwenavere nodded.  How you getting out there then.  Tis a long way?”

          “It’s only two and a half miles and I have walked it in the day time and during the night, so I think I can do it.”

          It had just past eleven forty-five on a cold and frosty night in late October as Janet reached the outskirts of the forest.  She paused while she took a breath, then moved along the muddy path until she came to the old rickety bench which she had found five years ago, just on the fringes of the dead Forest of Mundon.

          With a smile, she eased herself down onto the bench and felt a sense of achievement as mentally she crossed off the last task from her bucket list; to visit the ancient oaks of Mundon.

          After about ten minutes, she took the flask from her coat pocket, unscrewed the cap and drank the warm Chamomile tea then lent back to allow the tiny leaves to do their magic. Feeling the peaceful sensation start to take hold of her old and frail body, Janet took a deep breath and felt the cold night air start to seep deep into her lungs until she felt invigorated as though her old body was coming to life.  She stood and slowly walked towards the skeletal monuments that held secrets of the past that no man would ever hear.

          Under a veil of frost and moonlight, the petrified oaks of Mundon stood like ancient sentinels, their gnarled limbs twisted in eternal agony. Silver ice clung to barks long dead, glinting faintly in the cold starlight. A spectral hush hung over the marshland, broken only by the whisper of wind through hollow branches. Each tree, lifeless yet looming, casting long skeletal shadows across the frozen earth.

          As she slowly moved amongst the tombstones of oak, time felt suspended, her breath visible in the still night air. The oaks, remnants of a forgotten forest, seem to watch her in silence; ghosts rooted in soil, frozen in time.

          The further she moved into the centre of the forgotten forest, the more she felt younger, as though some medieval force was gradually occupying her body and soul. Then she saw them. A series of shooting stars, streaking across the deep black heavens, leaving their Icey trail briefly before fading into the distance. A message from the gods she thought as she glanced at her watch.  It was midnight.

          Without thinking she fell to her knees and started to recite a prayer she’d read in a book of ancient pagan rituals many years ago.  Her mumblings were interrupted by the sound of people singing and playing musical instruments in the distance.  Her inquisitiveness got the better of her and she stood and started to follow the sound of merriment. Her steps increased until she felt herself running flat out towards the noise.  Suddenly huge bon fires burst into bright flames in the four corners of the field as though protecting those who had chosen to celebrate the festival.

          The sounds grew louder, yet she could not see anyone. The pain in her chest started to burn, but she knew she had to get near to the fire for it to work. The closer she got to the noise, so the smoke from the huge fire burning in the centre of the celebrations, started to thin and she could now make out faces.  Her breathing started to labour and the pain was increasing, forcing her to stumble and she felt herself falling. Then she saw him, her Jack, the man she had fallen in love with and lived together for some fifty years before he moved to the other side as Gwenavere explained to her.  He ran towards her and cradled her in his arms.

          “You came my darling, you came.”

          “Oh Jack, I’m hurting my love.”

          “Tis alright my darling, we are together now, it will pass.”

          Jack glanced into the huge fire, then looked into her eyes. “We have but a few minutes before all this ends, Will you marry me?”

          Janet smiled and nodded.  Suddenly they were standing at the altar of the thirteenth century church of Saint Mary’s on the corner of the ancient forest.  The old priest went through the ceremony of handfasting; gently binding their hands together with a cord.  They exchanged their vows, kissed, then carefully jumped over the broom.  As their feet touched the ground, everything vanished. Only the stillness of the cold night remained.

          The faint sound of the gentle moaning wind as it passed through the tormented limbs of the ancient oaks was all that was left of the gathering.  In the stillness of the dawn came the sound of the single bell of Saint Mary’s, together. With wind and bell woven in a haunting symphony, solemn, and strangely beautiful in the stillness of a forgotten world.

          Janet was reported missing the following day and after the briefest of searches, was found sitting up against one of the huge old oak trees in the forest of Mundon with a smile on her face.  That night the committee of the Dickens Care Home Bucket List Championship declared that even though Janet had passed away, she had achieved her quest and was voted the winner. 

Copyright Bob French

 UNCLE GEORGE    [Part 4 of 10?]

By Richard Banks 

On the Monday, after breakfast, I set-off with my uncle’s will, his death certificate and proof of who I was. The cashier at the Upshire Bank declared herself unable to deal with my enquiry and after disappearing ‘off-stage’ to consult a colleague showed me into the office of a Mr Woodrow whose weary expression indicated that my arrival had not, from his point of view, been well timed. He examined the documents I brought before declaring that any money belonging to my uncle could only be disclosed to his solicitor.

         “But surely,” I said, “you can tell me if the account is open or not. It seems a pity to waste your time and the solicitor’s if it’s been closed.”

         He nodded in a begrudging sort of way and, taking from me the bank’s letter, typed out the account number and examined the client details on his monitor. “I’m afraid you’re out of luck Mr Jones, the account was closed twenty one years ago, a pity that.”

         “Oh, why so?” I asked. “Much in it?”

         Mr Woodgrove raised a disapproving eyebrow. “That I couldn’t possibly say, Mr Jones but if I was to tell you that £30,000 was a significant amount back then you should not construe me as meaning that such a sum was in your uncle’s account when he withdrew it all in cash. Now, Mr Jones, if you will excuse me I have work to do.”

         So, uncle had walked out of the Upshire with a bag or suitcase full of banknotes. How had he got his hands on such a large sum and what had become of it? If this wasn’t a mystery nothing was, but my growing optimism that the Echo would be able to provide me with further information was all but quashed within minutes of entering their premises. The young guy on reception did not know the person signing their letter or what the interview was about, assuming it ever took place. No doubt, he said, it was something to do with a story they running at the time but what that was he had no idea. They only kept their back numbers for ten years. I could speak to the Editor when he was back in the office but as he had only been with the paper five years it was unlikely he would know any more than himself. Perhaps, he suggested, the best course of action would be for me to leave my mobile number, along with a note saying what I had just told him, and if Mr Thorpe could be of assistance he would, no doubt, give me a ring.

         I did as he suggested but with little expectation that a call-back, if it happened, was going to add anything to what I had found out at the bank. Was the Echo’s request for an interview linked to the money in my uncle’s account? I felt sure it was, but if the paper was unable to tell me this, who else could? The Beale’s? My imagination was in overdrive. Stick to the facts I told myself, but of these there were far too few.

         I was having lunch in a pub nearby when the ringtone of my mobile heralded a call from Matlock & Wells informing me that a life assurance policy lodged with them when uncle made his will would be adding a further £300 to his estate. If I was less upbeat about this than the solicitor’s clerk appeared to be it did at least bring me down to earth. The purpose of my visit was to decide what to do with uncle’s house and its effects. With only a few days left before my return to London I was better of getting on with that rather than chasing a pot of gold that in all probability no longer existed. I had a big decision to make and a girl friend I was rather fond of. Did we have a future together and, if so, did it lie in London or here? The time to find out was very definitely now, and that evening I made the longest and most important telephone call of my life at the end of which I was engaged and living in what was likely to become our first house.

         Unsurprisingly sleep didn’t come easily that night. The feeling of euphoria when Ally said yes was soon followed by the realisation that there was now even more to do than before. In addition to binning uncle’s clothes and linen I had also to dispose of much of his furniture. Some of it would come in useful until we could afford better but most of the rest would be giving the tip a bad name. We would be needing a freezer, a washing machine, a TV, none of which uncle had. The house would need rewiring and central heating installed. I awoke, with an aching head, to the ring tone of my mobile. After lying awake for most of the night I had overslept, it was 10am.

         “Mr Phillip Jones?” the voice was unfamiliar, businesslike, a certain tension in his voice indicating that for him this was an important call.

         “Yes, that’s me.”

         “My name is Fred Cummings. I gather from Eddie Thorpe at the Echo that you’ve been asking about a letter I sent to George Jones in 1994. No doubt you’ll be wanting to know why I  wanted to speak to your uncle. I have much to tell you and in return you might be able to fill in a few gaps for me. I suggest we meet at the Wheatsheaf in Craventhorpe. Are you free this afternoon?”

         I replied that I was, my commitment to the practicalities of setting-up home suddenly put on hold in favour of a treasure hunt that was almost certainly going to end in disappointment. But who would know, I told myself, and if Cummings had nothing worth the telling that would be an end to it with only an afternoon wasted. Having eased my conscience by dropping-off more stuff at the tip I set-off for the Wheatsheaf trying to suppress my boyish excitement for a mystery about to be revealed, or so I hoped.  

(To be Continued)

Copyright Richard Banks

         

 UNCLE GEORGE    [Part 3 of 10?]

By Richard Banks

I concluded my work for the day by burning the papers in the hearth and, after feeding myself again, made ready for the gig. We departed in John’s car about seven for a pub called the Green Man where there was live music most Saturdays. My first impression that he was a likeable sort of guy proved only too true, and it came as no surprise that he knew my uncle rather better than most people know their neighbours.

         “George,” he assured me, “was a grand old chap, always ready to lend a hand when one was needed. He did a lot of jobs for me and other people around here, only taking money to cover the cost of the materials he used. In return I would run him over to Cromer when he had business there, or to the Hare and Hounds on a Sunday when the bus there don’t run.”

         “So he liked a pint then, my uncle?”

         “Not particularly. But he liked the company there, fellows like himself if you get my drift.”

         “You mean he was...gay?”

         “Well, he never said as much, but there was no hiding it. Not that he ever attempted to, though it would have been better for him had he tried. It wouldn’t have been an issue in London, or even in Norwich, but in this backwater the folks aren’t exactly progressive.”

         “So they gave him a hard time?”

         “Yeah, much was said, sometimes to his face, other times in not so quiet whispers behind his back. When the farmers were hiring he was always the last to be asked. How he managed before he got his pension I’ll never know. It couldn’t have been easy.”

         “Did he ever mention me?”

         “Only once and then not by name. Said he had made a will and left everything to a nephew he hadn’t seen in twenty years. Said you were a bright boy with a curious mind who would exceed all expectations, including your own, if you were prepared to go the extra mile.”

         “Meaning?”

         “Work hard, I guess. That’s what I thought at the time, proud uncle hoping his nephew would do well and have the breaks he didn’t. Left school at fourteen your uncle and was often out of work. He would have been pleased to see you doing better.”

         By the time we arrived at the Green Man I was feeling more than a little guilty of being the beneficiary of a poor man whom I had done nothing to help in the twenty three years our lives had overlapped. Whatever else I did that evening I was definitely going to raise a glass in his honour and say a quiet, but sincere thank you to my uncle and benefactor.

         The pub was the largest within five miles and, on a live music night, full to the rafters. Under the stern gaze of its landlord, a former commando called Hikey, it had a surprisingly diverse clientele of all ages where the upwardly mobile rubbed shoulders with the rough and ready, and feuding biker gangs maintained an uneasy truce with each until off the premises.

         On discovering that John, like myself, was partial to a Guinness we got served and sat ourselves down at the last table with unclaimed seats. The Rocket Boys were a man down on their original line-up. Barely recognisable from their heyday they were still a good turn and going down well with the locals when, to my horror, I spotted my assailants of the previous day standing together near the stage. Having inadvertently made eye contact with one of them, he and the others were now returning my gaze with surly expressions that while not exactly friendly were at least an improvement on what they were showing me the previous day. Had Callow’s intervention been enough to ensure my safety? I was soon to find out.

         The Group’s first set over, the oldest guy among them beat a straight line towards me beer glass in hand. About fifty years of age he was someone you wouldn’t want to be upsetting. Tall and thickset he had the build of a man who spent much of his time lifting weights in a gym. His patronage of a tattoo parlour was also evident from the decorations on his arms and chest which the hang-loose vest he was wearing did little to hide. The hell’s angel face on his chest was scarcely less threatening than his own that, from below a shaven head, was staring, in unfriendly fashion, at everyone about him - everyone that is but myself who was now being favoured by his best attempt at a smile.

         “Hi, I’m Frankie Beale,” he said, extending his free hand for the shaking. “I gather you’ve already met my boys. Sorry about the misunderstanding. Now we know you’re George’s kith and kin it won’t happen again. A great bloke your uncle; we got on well. He knew my Dad way back, were in the same class at school. Always stood by his friends did George even when it did him no good. But that’s the sort of guy he was, and we did well by him when we could. Let me know if you need any help taking stuff down to the tip, I’ll send one of the boys over with the van.”

         Having no wish to renew my acquaintanceship with his sons I thanked him for his ‘kind offer’ but declared myself, as yet, undecided what to do with Uncle’s effects. He nodded thoughtfully and after further expressions of regret over, “the passing of good old George” returned to the company of his sons. Relieved to see him go I was, at the same time, puzzled by some of the things he had said. Even though I knew next to nothing about my uncle it seemed unlikely that he and Frankie had ever been friends. If that had been the case why hadn’t he come to the funeral? And what was he alluding to when he said that uncle stuck by his friends, ‘even when it did him no good’, a strange turn of phrase. Had uncle got too close to the Beale’s and suffered as a consequence? If Frankie had said a little more than he intended it was probably not a good idea to be asking him any awkward questions. I was at peace with the Beale’s, no point in risking that!

         It was not until we were heading back to Petherdale that John expressed surprise that I should know the Beale’s. On assuring him that I didn’t I recounted my encounter with Frankie’s sons and Mr Callow’s intervention.

         “Good grief,” he exclaimed, “you’ve had a narrow escape. It’s serious grief for anyone who gets on the wrong side of them. People around here don’t even talk about them in case they get to hear what’s said.”

         “Did my uncle have any involvement with them? It won’t go any further than ourselves.”

         “That’s OK mate. I know I can trust you to keep it to yourself, but there’s not much I can tell you. Your uncle knew Frankie Beale that’s for sure; I saw them talking in the street several times. Your uncle was never at ease when they were together. As to what they were saying I was never close enough to hear.”

         “And he never spoke of Frankie, or his sons?”

         “Never. He would have known better than most not to do that. The only other thing I can tell you is that I once saw Frankie give your uncle something from his wallet, probably money, but I can’t say for sure, so maybe what he said about doing well by George wasn’t so far from the truth. However, if I was you I would let it go, some things are best not to know.”

         It was, of course, good advice, and well meant, but not enough to put me off making enquiries at the bank and the newspaper. What could be the harm in that? 

 (to be Continued)

 Copyright Richard Banks

UNCLE GEORGE        [Part 2 of 10]

Richard Banks 

         Mother was right not to expect too much, but while it was no palace, and little in it less than twenty years old, it was clean and well maintained, a pot of paint and some brushes in the kitchen indicating that uncle had been busy at his DIY shortly before his death. The lounge in the front, no more than a metre back from the road, was both broader and longer than I expected, and upstairs there were two bedrooms, one big enough to take a double bed, and a bathroom with an emersion heater that supplied hot water to the sink and bath. Without central heating and double glazing it wouldn’t be worth much if I chose to sell, but no one could claim it had been neglected. On the hearth of an open fireplace there was a pile of logs and a scuttle full of coal. Never having made a fire before, I was less than certain how to go about it, but with an evening chill developing I determined, with the help of mother’s matches, to give it a try. Working on the principle of Daily Mirror first, followed by wood and progressively larger pieces of coal my efforts were soon rewarded by a decent blaze that very definitely warmed the air, providing one didn’t stray too far from the fireplace. Too tired to do much else but unpack and eat the remaining sandwiches mother had made me, I settled down for the night on the sofa pulling it close to the hearth and observing the fire slowly burn itself out.

         I slept well and on waking found the sun shining in my eyes through the middle of uncle’s thick woollen curtains that, despite my best efforts, could never be made to meet in the middle. The spartan chillness of his bathroom was even less to my liking and, once I had established that there was no food in the house a trip to the nearest supermarket quickly became number one on my ‘to do’ list.

         I had decided to stay in the house until the following weekend returning to London on the Sunday in order to be ready for work the following day. There was much to do and only eight days to do it in and find out what sort of place Buremarsh was. The sight of

my next door neighbour out back washing his car was the opportunity I needed, not only to find out where the nearest supermarket was, but to check him out, along with the rest of my neighbours. Were these people I wanted to be living cheek by jowl with? If not, the house would definitely go up for sale, but right from the start nothing could be clearer than that I was going to get on well with John. What’s more in the twenty or so minutes I spent talking to him I found out nothing likely to put me off my other neighbours, one of whom was only there at weekends. The good news didn’t end there. The village of Craventhorpe was only three miles away, a local beauty spot with two tearooms, a Waitrose and a large pub-restaurant called the Wheatsheaf.

         On arrival I was much taken with what I found, and having done my shopping and eaten brunch in the pub returned to Petherdale somewhat later than I intended. John’s Mini Cooper was missing but a note pinned to my back door invited me to join him that evening to see a local group called the Rocket Boys who had once had a top ten hit and been on Top of the Pops. Having added the word yes and pinned the note to his back door I started on my second task of the day which was the sorting of my uncle’s papers. Had my mother been present this would have been achieved in less than an hour but left to my own devices I was all for a more cautious approach. There might, I reasoned, be something of value among them, an insurance policy, premium bonds, evidence of a bank or post office account that no one knew about. If unlikely, it was not impossible and I resolved to look through everything at least once.

         I was also intent on solving a mystery, in finding out what my uncle had done that could not be spoken of. Whatever it was, he had done me a favour and if I could do something to restore his reputation that was, perhaps, the least I could do. Whatever his faults he had not been an idle man and, in addition to the paint pots found, his kitchen cupboards were full of brushes and cleaning products. He was also a man with a library of some thirty to forty books on art and art/history, including the catalogue of an art gallery in Swaffham. Evidently there was more to my uncle than might have been expected from an agricultural labourer of limited education.          

         It was one o’clock and with nothing much done I adjourned to the kitchen for a snack I neither needed or deserved. It was there, while rummaging through his cutlery drawer that I found the two keys that further delayed my sifting of his papers, one large and rusted while the smaller of the two was much like a key I used at work for the opening and locking of a metal security cabinet. That it served no such purpose in Uncle’s house was only too apparent, but nevertheless they both had to fit something so, on eating the pie and beans I had been cooking, I went from room to room trying in vain to find the locks they fitted. It was with a sense of annoyance at time wasted that an hour later I returned to the gathering up of uncle’s papers determined to do at least one useful thing that day before tea and the gig to follow. 

         Having put every last sheet of paper into a bin bag I worked my way through them all putting everything to be burned on the hearth and those papers worthy of closer scrutiny onto the rug behind me. Two hours later only two papers had made it onto the rug, a standard pro-forma from the Upshire Bank regarding an account on which the rate of interest rate had changed and a letter from the Cromer Echo requesting an interview on an unspecified subject for which the newspaper was prepared to pay ‘a sum to be agreed’. Curiously both papers had been dispatched within a few days of each other in September 1994. Was this the glimmer of a mystery that might also produce an unexpected windfall? Was the account still open? If so the capital sum it contained would be much increased by over twenty years of compound interest. As for the letter that was certainly worth looking into. 

 

(To be continued)

 

Copyright Richard Banks

  

 

UNCLE GEORGE       [Part 1 of 10] 

by Richard Banks

 

When I stood up in church and did the eulogy it was only too obvious to the dozen or so persons present how little I knew about my uncle. We had met only three times, at my christening and twice when I was a small boy not yet at school – at least that’s what I’m told. If so, then uncle would have been in his late fifties, an unmarried man, who my mother described as a confirmed bachelor. Father puffed hard on his pipe when she said that, always a sign that something had met with his disapproval, a something that might be shared with his brothers at the Feathers but nothing that could be said in the presence of the womenfolk. Not that they didn’t have chapter and verse on whatever it was but to them the good name of the family demanded that knowledge of the miscreant, and his misdeeds, be hidden away inside them, in a part of the brain labelled ‘private, keep out’.

         Thus in 2015 when the solicitor’s letter arrived informing me that Uncle had left me his house in Norfolk, and everything in it, mother was not as pleased as I thought she would be. The property, she said, would likely be rundown and in need of repair. Uncle George had no money, never did have, was nothing more than a casual labourer working on farms when there was work to be had. He only had the house because it belonged to his father who brought it up cheap as a sitting tenant. Nothing in it was likely to be worth a penny piece and I would probably have to pay someone to take it all away. As for his papers they must be burned unread. No good, she said, ever came from reading a man’s private papers. Indeed, she would come with me to make sure this was done. Given her aversion to lengthy car trips there was little prospect of her doing so and, once she had my assurance that I would do as she decreed, her involvement was restricted to the buying of a large box of matches.

          I set out, on a Friday morning from my bedsit in Clerkenwell for the offices of Matlock & Wells in Cromer with the uneasy feeling that they might have more to gain from my uncle’s demise than myself. However, by the time I pulled into the car park at the rear of their premises I was in a more optimistic mood. The day was unusually warm for May, a clear blue sky, and the sun shining brightly on a countryside bursting into life after a long winter. The thought occurred to me that if my uncle’s house was in reasonable condition it might be possible to both live and work there. Why not I thought. Other people do it, why not me? Almost all my work was done on computer and it mattered little where it and myself were located. Even if I did have to show up at the office once or twice a week it was definitely doable and, who knows, Ally, my girlfriend of nine months, might well be amenable to life in the country.

         My meeting with Mr Wells did nothing to dent my good mood and having been given a road map of the local area and the keys to the house I was soon out of Cromer and making my way down country lanes scarcely wider than the car. Nothing in London had prepared me for this and, as I slowed down to negotiated a bend in the road, what I feared might happen very nearly did. The roar of an on-coming vehicle was followed almost immediately by the sight of a red Jeep Wrangler coming full pelt at me. There was nothing do be done but slam on the brakes and, with the driver of the jeep doing the same, we screeched to a halt no more than a foot apart.

         Four young men dressed in army camouflage tops and slashed jeans spilled out onto the road and advanced towards me shouting abuse, the most vocal of them brandishing a crowbar. With the prospect of worse to come, and neither fight or flight being an option, I locked the doors and sat tight. It was time for soothing words, but my opening observations that everything was cool and that no damage had been done were not having the desired effect. A guy with a tattoo on his face was pummelling my bonnet with clenched fists while another was threatening to break my nearside window if I didn’t open up.

         It is at moments like this that you wish you had a Guardian Angel who would suddenly appear and make everything OK. Thankfully for me such beings do exist, although not usually at the wheel of a Ford Mondeo, clad in plus fours and a tweed jacket. Having pulled up behind the jeep my saviour was now striding fearlessly into the fray demanding an end to hostilities. Remarkably his intervention could not have been more successful, my assailants now as quiet and inoffensive as a turned-off alarm clock.

         “Get back in your vehicle,” demanded my deliverer and, without so much as a whimper, they did as they were told. Having dealt with them he proceeded, stern faced, towards me.

         “You’ll have to back-up,” he said. “There’s a passing bay thirty yards back. You will need to pull into it and let them through.” He was, evidently, a man used to being obeyed and although he spoke civilly enough he seemed no better disposed to me than he was to them. It was time to put myself on the side of the good guys so I thanked him warmly for his intervention. He looked a little surprised but made no comment except to say that he would walk back with me and that I was to tuck-in as close to the hedge as I could; they weren’t, he said, likely to be too careful on their way past.

         A minute or so later the jeep roared past with my benefactor observing their departure from behind my rear bumper. “Have you business here?” he asked, his voice wary but not unfriendly. Bearing in mind that his car was still parked in the middle of a narrow country lane I wasted no time in telling him that my uncle had died and that I had come to take possession of his house in the village of Petherdale.

         “So, you’re Phillip Jones’s, George’s kin. Yes, you’re not unlike him. The house is two miles along on the right, but there’s no village, Petherdale is a row of cottages built by a farmer of that name. There’s a driveway at the side and parking spaces at the back. I’m sorry for what happened back there. You’ve just made the acquaintance of the Beale boys. They’ve been having a little trouble lately with a gang from London. No doubt they saw your plates and concluded you were one of them. I’m Roy Callow, local councillor and JP. No doubt their father will be bending my ear tomorrow telling me it was all a misunderstanding. I’ll tell him who you are and why you’re here. You won’t be bothered again. So, welcome to the district of Buremarsh, Mr Jones. Wait here until I’m past and then take it steady to your destination.”

         A few minutes later he was by and I was on my way again, thankful that my journey was soon to end. Ten minutes later I was parked at the rear of Uncle’s house and using the key so often in his hand to open what was now my back door.

 

(To be Continued)

Copyight Richard Banks