JABA’S LAST WILL AND TESTIMONY
By Bob French
I
glanced around the quiet room then stifled a yawn, It was warm and stuffy and
covered in dust, just like Mr. Fotheringham, the solicitor, who had summonsed
me to the reading of the last will and testament of James Alfred Bernard
Yearsley, Jaba to his friends and my best mate for the past twenty years, but
now, sadly no longer with us.
Sitting to my left was Melony, his deceitful, twisted, and cruel wife,
who did her best to make Jaba’s life hell. To my right sat two other women in
their early twenties, who I took to be Jaba’s kids, well not kids any
more. They looked just like their mother. I swore that if ever there
was a performance of Cinderella, these two brats would get the part of the ugly
two sisters without a doubt, and Melony would have no problem playing the cruel
step mother.
Fotheringham gave a polite cough, as though to demand obedience, just
like our old maths teacher did when he suspected foul play at the back of the
class where Jaba and I normally sat.
One of the two brats looked up from her i-phone, starred at
Fotheringham, then gave a huff and went back to her i-phone.
We had been sitting here in this stuffy room for over an hour
whilst his clerk, who had been summons to bring in the Yearsley file,
frantically tried to find it.
Suddenly there was a clatter of heavy footsteps outside the
door. Then the door burst open admitting a tall, pimply faced youth,
flourishing the said document in front of him. He paused and with a
degree of ceremony, slowly placed the file down in front of his master. He
paused, expecting some sort of thanks, then beat a hasty retreat, praying to
himself that this was not to be his last day at Fotheringham, Wentworth and
Belchley.
Fotheringham gave a cruel smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I
shan’t keep you long.” He took a deep breath, opened the file and
looked down at the document, which had just been delivered.
Then, without warning, he quietly swore, stood up, excused himself, left
the room, stormed off down the corridor and into the practice
office. We could hear old Fotheringham yelling at the top of his
voice at the young man who had delivered the incorrect file. He gave the
incompetent clerk five minutes to fine the correct document, or he would be out
on his ear.”
Whilst Fotheringham was tearing strips off the young office clerk,
Melony decided that the office needed some fresh air and moved to the back of
the room and opened one of the large windows. Within seconds, the office was
full of rain and flying papers. As the rain and cold air blasted into the
office, the two daughters started to scream abuse at their mother. One of the
daughter’s had jumped up, sending her chair crashing backwards into a tall
African Palm which Fotheringham’s youngest son had given to him when he had
become a Partner and he had nurtured it every day for the past fifteen years.
Luckily, I was seated away from the direct blast of the wind and rain
that was slowly trashing the office, so was able to view the Armageddon in
relatively comfort.
The force of the impact caused the Palm to rock in its large pot, then
slowly fall to its left. Directly in line of where the Palm was
expected to make land-fall, was a small very expensive looking mahogany
side-table with two Royal Scot Christel decanters and a beautiful model of HMS
Arc Royal, which the officers of the old aircraft carrier had presented to
Fotheringham on his retirement from the Royal
Navy.
I watched as the tall African Palm, slowly and majestically fell,
destroying the model of the Arc Royal, and shattering the beautiful decanters,
and lastly, with the sound of an explosion, it turned the expensive side-table
into match-wood.
By now the wind was slanting into the office causing more files and
papers to take to the air, and condemn those files that fell to the floor to
slowly become waterlogged.
It was then that I heard Melony scream and I turned to see where she
was. I was met with a blast of foul language and as far as I could
understand, she was a little concern about her hair, which to be honest looked
a complete mess and thought that when this is over, I should tell her to use
old Ma’ Mavis’s over on Connaught Street, rather than that posh hairdressers on
the high street, where the snobs of our society went, just so they could be
seen and envied by the lower classes of the town.
I’m not sure if it was that Fotheringham had found his file, or the
screams and howling wind and rain coming from his office had caused him to
return. Either way when he forced open the door and stood there, the
look on his face told me he was not very pleased.
“What in God’s name is going on. Who is responsible for all
this mess?”
Before Melony and her two brats could come to their senses, I slowly
pointed an accusing finger towards Melony who was sitting in a puddle on the
floor soaking wet trying to tidy up her £50 hair do.
Then he caught site of his retirement present, well, what was left of
it, and the very expensive decanters and mahogany side-table.
“My God, what have you done? Who caused all this damage.
Again, I slowly raised my hand and pointed to one of the brats.
“My God!” he bellowed at the top of his voice.”
I could see that we were not going to achieve anything this morning
whilst he continued to ask God what had happened, so I raised my hand like a
school kid.
“Excuse me Mr. Fotheringham. Could I suggest that if you
don’t have Mr. Yearsley, file to hand, we hold the reading at another date and
time and possibly another location?”
This seemed to quieten him down. I could see his mind turning over
trying to process the damage to his office.
“I agree, but who is going to pay for all this damage?”
I said nothing, but slowly turned and looked at Melony. Whose
face was already starting to go red as she started to build herself up into one
of her famous tantrums.
She staggered to her feet. “You don’t expect me to pay for all this do
you?”
Fotheringham seemed to pause for a minute. “Who opened the window?”
I pointed to Melony again.
“And who knocked over my African Palm?”
I didn’t wait for the little brat who smashed her chair into the tree
and caused the, I pointed my finger at her?”
“Well Mrs. Yearsley, as far as I can see, you seem to be the one liable
for the damage to my office. Once the Will has been read, I shall demand that you
pay for all the damage from the proceeds of your late husbands Will.
“I will do no such thing!”
Fotheringham ignored her rant. “That’s fine then. You will
receive a summons for the damage to my property, and subsequent recovery of the
hundreds of case files damaged by the rain and wind, which was caused by you
and your daughters.”
On the way-out Melony crept up behind me. “If you think you are going to
get a penny from Jaba’s Will, you are very much mistaken. He never
had a bank account cause he left me to do all the house bills.”
“A week later, the five of us sat in Fotheringham’s new
offices. After the Will of Jabs had been read out, there was a
pause.
“Are there any questions?” Fotheringham said in a tired voice.
I lent forward. “Could you tell me the registration and make
of Jeba’s car and where I can find it please?”
Fotheringham glanced down at the Will. “You will find it
parked in the multistory car park, bay 29 in Hounslow. It’s a Bently
Flying Spur, Its registration is JABA 007. See me after and I shall
give you the keys.
Melony then in a quiet voice asked how much capital she’d been left to
by her beloved husband.
“Mrs. Yearsley, I bring your attention to my last letter of the 20th of
this month. The amount your husband has left you, besides the house
and his collection of beer mats, comes to the same amount of the invoice I sent
you. If you wish to settle now, today, the matter of your late husbands Will is
closed. However, if you wish to pay in installments, the settlement
date of your late husband’s Will, and my bill, will be 23rd May
in five year’s time. Which is it to be?”
That afternoon I caught the bus down to the multi-story car park and
made my way up to the second floor where I knew I would find bay
29. I stood and stared at the Silver Grey Bently Flying Spur for ten
minutes before opening it and sliding onto the soft leather
seat. The smell of polished wood and leather kept me mesmerized for
another ten minutes until my eye caught sight of a note in the glove compartment. It
directed me to the boot of the car.
As I lifted the boot, I smiled. The reason Jaba never trusted
banks was because he stored all his ill-gotten gains in his battered old brief
case in the boot of his old banger, as he used to call it. After
quickly counting the neat piles of £20 notes, I whistled to myself; £75,000,
then promised my-self that I would raise a glass to him that evening down at
the Duck and Pheasant.
Copyright
Bob French