Under the Spotlight
Janet
Baldey
When you dabble in the murky waters of the past
sometimes monsters surface…
Miriam put down her
pen and sat twisting her broad gold wedding band watching it gleam under the
light of the lamp. Restless, she rose
and prowled her suite. Unlike the pale pastels of the tastefully decorated
rooms of other residents, here anonymous walls were swathed by the rich colours
of maroon, emerald and crimson velvet. Always
dark even at mid-day, it was the bane of the cleaning lady’s life and it took a
good many ‘sweeteners’ to pacify her.
But, Miriam always had a taste for the dramatic and every evening
escaped from the dining room, with its insipid décor and the gossipy rustling
of the other guests, to her own domain where she would pace its shadows,
reciting lines that rose naturally to her lips while imagining herself, once
more, under the spotlight.
Returning to her seat, she picked up her pen
and looked at her last sentence. She
crossed it out, bearing down so hard the line scarred the paper. Her shoulders slumped; for the last few weeks, she’d been chronicling
milestones in her life, praying for revelation, but as soon as she got to 1954,
her mind blanked and her hand froze. Closing
her papery lids, she willed her way into the past but it was no good. All she remembered was what she’d been
told. In the January of that year, one
thousand nine hundred and fifty-four, she’d been found wandering in the swirling
pre-dawn mistiness of Hampstead Heath, naked except for a full length
sable. She’d no identification and no
memory. Why? It was hard to understand. She recalled quite clearly, her childhood, her
career, her wedding at the Abbey with six actress bridesmaids surrounding her
as tall and proud as a phalanx of pale lilies.
That was in 1950 and she distinctly recalled thinking that life couldn’t
get any better. But the devil must have
been listening, forever since there’d been a black gap in the white picket
fence of years stretching towards the future.
*
* *
There is a very sweet young
man living in the hotel where she waits. He befriended her when she first
arrived and for some time they had long weekly conversations until the terrible
day when she realised the truth.
‘So why are you here
Miriam?’ He had asked.
‘That’s a strange
question. Why do people stay in
hotels? I imagine there are many reasons.
In my case, I shall be gone as soon as my husband arrives to collect me.’
The man had looked at
her, his eyes boring into hers.
‘Tell me Miriam, what
year is it?’
She’d looked at him in
astonishment, her mouth opening in a breathless gasp as her heart beat faster. Didn’t
he know? Surely, everyone knew what year it was, unless…. he’d seemed so normal
but all this time she’d been talking to a madman.
‘Why, 1955, of
course.’ Hurriedly,
she left the room.
Then, there’s the
other gentleman; the one with deep lines skiing down his face. Too old for her of course, but his eyes are kind.
At first, she’d thought he had the
answer. One day, in a fit of melancholy,
she had cried over her missing year.
Taking her hand and holding it gently, he suggested a diet of 1954 films
or newscasts to jog her memory. So,
every night for weeks she sat in front of the television set and with the aid
of a recorder watched a parade of movies. She saw a muscular and muttering
Marlon Brandon in ‘On the Waterfront’, a paranoid Humphrey Bogart twitching his
way through the Caine Mutiny, The Glenn Miller Story and as many other musicals
that she could stomach. All, she found fairly
enjoyable, with the exception of Bill Haley in ‘Rock Around the Clock’ – the
music jangled her nerves and made it difficult for her to sleep. But not one, not even contemporary news flashes
of Roger Bannister, breaking the four-minute mile, or sickening footage of the
Mau Mau atrocities, succeeded in tearing down the veil.
Occasionally, she
heard snippets of conversation that piqued her curiosity. Once, she was on her way to the lounge when
she came across the two men chatting.
‘You know, it never
ceases to amaze me how the human brain can delude itself.’
‘True, nature can be
merciful sometimes.’
‘We could bring her
back, of course…regression therapy or hypnotism. She’s desperate to know.’
‘What would be the
point? The truth would destroy her. It’s kindest just to let her live in the
past. At least she remembers her former
success and that makes her happy enough.’
‘But she’s our oldest
resident. Don’t you think she deserves
the truth before she passes?’
Miriam couldn’t help
noticing that, as soon as they saw her, they stopped and smiled; their faces
bland as their lips expanded. She
wondered who they’d been talking about.
And then, there were
the nightmares. In the early hours, she’d
wake up, her throat tight and sore, with the reedy cries of a baby ringing in
her ears together with a feeling of desolation so intense it was like teetering
on the edge of The Pit.
She very rarely looked
in the mirror, the image reflected distressed, but on a sudden impulse, she
walked towards her wardrobe and stared into the full-length glass. Whoever would have thought that one year of
neglect could wreak such havoc? She
plucked at her greying hair and pulled taut the wrinkles on her face. Roger
will barely recognise her. She wished he
wasn’t quite so busy, she missed him so much but, at least, she was well provided
for. She opened the door and looked at
her sable, still lustrous, although the fur now wore a grey patina of dust.
Her skin began to prickle,
and she gasped for breath. How hot it
was. Once more she ran her fingers through
her hair hearing the crackle of static electricity. The Gods grumbled overhead and her spirits
leapt. Despite their accompanying humidity, she loved storms. When it came to drama nothing could put on a
better show than the elements. Glancing
towards the window she saw deep purple clouds racing across the heavens as the
thunder roared.
A few short paces and she was staring out of
the glass watching lightening writhe across the sky, spitting out streaks of
electricity that that lit the dusky hills. Suddenly, with a roar as shrill as a
train whistle. a sudden gust of wind blew open the casement and a squall of
rain plastered her hair to her head. Startled, she stepped backwards and almost
tripped over a bulky package lying on the floor.
A new wrinkle joined the others as she
frowned. The package appeared to be newspapers,
yellow and creased with age, tied into a bundle that crackled as she picked it
up. She noticed that the papers were all
dated 1954. Scrawled across the top of
one was a note in her cleaning lady’s handwriting.
‘Found these recently
and thought you might be interested.’
Storm forgotten,
Miriam sank down onto the bed and with stiff fingers worked at the frayed
string. As she riffled through the
sheets of fragile paper, her excitement waned.
There was nothing of interest.
Impatiently, she tossed the package aside and got up to close the
window. As she did, a sheet of paper detached
and fluttered to the floor. Annoyed, she
scooped it up. She was just about to crush the page when
something made her take a closer look. Black
spots danced in front of her eyes as the newsprint wavered and merged slowly
blooming into the shape of a face. One
she recognised. One she saw every
morning in the bathroom mirror. Her legs turned to water and she collapsed back
onto the bed as she read the black banner headlines underneath.
FAMOUS
ACTRESS ACCUSED OF ARSON.
Family
feared lost in the flames
Her heart stilled as
the roaring sound of blood in her ears merged with that of the storm. Suddenly,
she remembered everything. She smelled drifting smoke and heard the sound of
crackling flames as the body of a tiny baby appeared, just out of reach. Beyond, her husband, mother and father
stared with accusing eyes before crumbling into ash. Horror overwhelmed her and she covered her
face with her hands. Lost in misery, she
neither saw, nor heard, the thunderbolt that flashed into the room attracted by
the precious band circling the third finger of her left hand.
*
* *
All who knew her
agreed it was a blessing she’d died in ignorance, and all agreed it was a
marvel she’d lived so long. The general
public no longer remembered the once famous name of Miriam Marr, let alone the
tragedy of her crime. Consequently, the
funeral was a small affair; a token attendance
from the ward plus the lady who always makes an appearance on these occasions
and regardless of the circumstances, always
says the same thing.
‘How sad to die alone,
un-mourned by her family. I’m sure the
poor soul did nothing to deserve that.’
Copyright Janet Baldey
.