A letter to my
deceased son, Danny:
By Barbara Thomas
“Oh Danny Boy,” so full of life and fun.
It’s been nearly three years since you went on your journey,
leaving behind memories, never to be forgotten.
“Oh Danny Boy”, why did you go so young, we miss your smile and
mischievous fun.
Looking back my lovely boy all those years, man and boy. Fun was
the name of the day, laughing joking in your own familiar ways.
Letting us know when your favourite team lost, joy and laughter
when they won.
“Oh Danny”, how we miss your voice.
When you were first diagnosed with a Brain Tumor, your first
re-action was “I bet that’s because of all the years of bundles we had at Chelsea’s football ground.”
You were told unfortunately that you have only 4 months so it
would be wise to sort out your affairs.
Even then your reply was that, “I will beat those odds”, and so
you did, “Danny Boy” after weeks of grueling chemo, radiation therapy you came
through with that smile of yours.
Four months passed we all thought that you had beaten the
disease, life move on, days of hospital appointments even going to so many
funerals of your friends in the cancer ward,
Six months turned into one year, we all held our breaths.
“Oh Danny Boy”, you surprised us all by divorcing your wife of
over 30 years and married again, “shock, horror”. But then it was your life.
One year turned into two, you carried on as normal, went up to London to have a drink or
two with your mates. Making sure that every minute was covered.
It became the 3rd year since the diagnoses. we all became
complacent, surely the hospital got this wrong.
“But Danny Boy”, you had other worries; your new partner was
diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
You both cuddled each other and cried.
Your new wife Rea, who happened to be an oncologist matron of
all things, bravely went through her treatment, she lost all her hair, but like
you Danny, she carried her pain with dignity.
6 months later Rea had completed her treatment, her hair began
to grow.
Then the two of you decided to put the misery of the harsh
treatment you had both endured to halt your cancers, and go off on a cruise,
then fly to Spain and
several trips on the Eurostar to France,
even to Disney Land
and then Belgium
and other European countries. “Two people as One.
“Danny boy,” the fourth year started well, you carried on meeting
up with your mates in London
having a jar or two.
Then went for a check up, and MRI - X-rays tests, when fate
intervened again.
Your Oncologist Consultant sat before you to explain that
another tumor had been found.
Several weeks later you were recovering from your second brain
operation to be told that all was well, the tumor had been removed.
We all said a silently prayer.
Following the weeks after your operation you had an Epilepsy fit
that came out of the blue.
So it was back to the hospital to find out why that had
happened.
And my darling boy, your Consultant explained that by removing
the second tumor, unfortunately it had disturbed the first large tumor that had
only been partially removed.
The next news the Consultant gave you was that you now had
months maybe even weeks before you would eventually succumb to this terrible
disease and he suggested that you might want to put your house in order.
We visited you at your home, and as Rea was an Oncologist
Matron, she had managed to get you a hospital bed and everything needed for
your care, she had to fight all the way for her to receive all these, as you
had said you wanted to die at home and not in a Hospice.
When I first saw you laying there in your bed by the open French
windows, your eyes were closed. I came and sat by your side and all I could
feel was peace surrounding you.
Then Danny boy you opened those beautiful blue eyes, and I
remember saying to you, “do you know who I am”,
your reply immediately was, “of course you are my Mum” that was
music to my ears, because weeks before you were unaware of your surroundings or
people, but you did say strangely enough to your Step-dad, “are you married?”
Well, that was all the conversation you could manage from your
bed “of course you are my Mum”, but that was music to my eyes and more than
enough for me and I will carry that with me to the rest of my days and when I
get really low thinking of you I will remember those words for ever.
Well “Danny Boy”, the Good Lord came and took you silently when
Rea had gone upstairs to get something for you.
You had fallen into a deep sleep and never woke up.
So if you are looking down my “darling Danny Boy”, you would
know how loved you are and that we pray for you everyday.
Your funeral had so many of your family, friends, work
colleagues and even your darts team all filled the Crematorium.
You arrived in a wicker basket draped with Chelsea colours.
You had chose, Sammy Davis, “Bo jangles”, as your entrance song,
and after the service you had chosen “A wondering Star” by Lee Marvin, which
was so you, and Danny every-time I hear those songs on the TV or radio, I weep
silently, but I understand that going quietly into the unknown had been the
best thing to happen to you taking you away from all that suffering.
God speed you on your way my darling boy, and fly high, Amen.
Mum xxx